When kids are causing conflict but dad doesn't see it.?

What do you do when your husbands 2 kids cause conflict between you and your husband? They are nice when hes around but act a fool when he's not. I'm not trying to take the place of their mom and never have. I just want us to have a happy marriage but the ex and the kids seem to have a hard time adjusting to us being married. The ex has never said anything to me personally, but her kids are asking me questions that seem like is coming from her. When I tell my husband about some of the things they do , he says I misunderstood them or no they didn't. Why am I the liar? I just try to be conviently unavailable when his kids come around. Dont' you think it's best/

Update:

My husband and his ex have been divorced for 7 years.

8 Answers

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  • dana j
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    no, you are letting them win that way. You wait til you are all together and bring it back up. " johnny I thought about what you were saying early about........." bring up the topics in front of dad, if they lie start recording. Dad has to see for you to have a good relationship.

  • 1 decade ago

    First of all the children should not be communicating for you. I am going thru the same thing and I have been trying to communicate with the dad and he does not want to talk to me, so then the communication goes thru the kids and what kid gets the message right. My best advice is to just love those kids, and confront them in the presence of their father. And as far as the questions that seem like they are comming from the mother, communicate with her and ask her first before you go to their father, leave the kids out and how old are the kids, you know the older they get the smarter they are and come up with their own questions from their relationships at school so it may not be comming from the mother but just their own curiosity. Good Luck with trying to make your home happy, I know what a struggle that this can be, but just love the kids and stop trying to find fault with them.

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow you need help first of all the kids are going through a lot as you are but they are kids and you are grown ease up a bit on the regardless if its coming from the mother or not. Try not to let the things they say are do bother you give more of that responsibility to their father.Let them know that you are there for them when they need a fried it takes a whole village to raise children. Where you the reason that the parents broke up if you are that is a very painful situation and need time to adjust.Did you know he had children in the beginning so you know they would be your steps and you must treat them like your on don't give up on him know.Ladies before you jump in know how hot the water is are will get. God bless you honey remember for better or worse

  • 1 decade ago

    if he can not understand that the children are giving you troble and think they can not do any wrong let him know that they can not stay with you alone i had the same problem with my ex and the daughter he had when we met i loved her as my own never tried to replace her mom but it just did not work it did cause us to end the relationship but we were not married you and your husband need to come to an agreement about the children b/c if this keeps up trust me it will end bad and thats all that the mom and the childlren want is dad back so its up to you either you put your foot down and tell him like it is or sit aroung and wait for the **** to hit the fan and also do what the girl above me said tape recorder good ******* idea

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It's natural for a parent to be blind toward things like that. I say record the kids and bring it up to your husband and if he doesn't believe you, play it back. Maybe before you do that though, you should sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel about it all. Yes they are his children but that is no reason to set you aside and team up with them, you are his wife and he needs to be on your team. GL

  • 1 decade ago

    I have three step children with my husband and we share two girls of our own. They are sweet hearts but I also realize they are in the habit of going to their mom and telling her details of our lives as well. It use to make me angry but now I face it head on I will tell her if she questions anything we say or do that its none of her business, and as childish as it is I ask the kids questions myself and make comments to get back at her over things she does wrong. DONT put up with it your their step momma and you need to love them as if they were your kids and they should do the same it your marriage is doomed for failure..tell your husband to stop acting a foool or your leaving him your a team and he should believe you...

  • jude
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    this is a no win situation, as he can't see what his kids are doing, and never will. the ex is jelpos of u, sees u as someone who stands in her way of reconciling. he will never take your part, and they will continue to cause u grief, this is something u will never resolve with the stepkids, they are mean and do try to cause trouble, and u will never be able to convince him of something that is totally odvious to anyone else. good luck, they don't like u, the ex don't like u, and they never will no matter how hard u try.

    Source(s): past experience
  • 1 decade ago

    That's one of the problems you get when you marry a guy with baggage. Not fun now, is it?

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