I've been with my boyfriend for a year, and he is a wonderful guy and most everyone would agree. I am very in love with him and he claims to feel the same. The problem is my obsession with the possibility of him cheating on me in any form. I have been quite volatile during the relationship; putting limitations on him, such as telling him which of his friends I hate and don't want him seeing, and then he has lied a few times to see them for fear of having a fight with me. The friends are guys, but they seem to always be on the prowl for women, which i hate. This lying has caused me to be paranoid to the point of hysetria. Asking him everyday if he has cheated on me etc... I don't konw what to do anymore because I am stuck in this horrible loop of paranoya, but due to his past lying (even though they were somewhat minor), I am terrified more than ever. I want this obsession to end but all i can think about is the possibility of it being true or possible in the future! What should I do?
he admitted to kissing a few other girls when he was dating his ex girlfriend that he causually dated and didn't really like or care about, he claims i am his first love and it is a different story...
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
You ever heard the song " i should have cheated", well that is what is he going to think. if you keep accusing him of it, you will drive him away. the single most important thing in a relationship is trust, if you dont like his friends...too bad. what if he told you that you couldnt see one of your friends because they change men like panties? you would probably be pissed. Youre going to drive him to lying to you to hang out with his friends...you are going to drive him to cheating..cuz what the hell he is getting accused of it anyway. seriously, you need to get counciling..and i dont mean that in a rude way....i used to be the same way with my man, because i had been cheated on in the past..you just need to calm yourself and realize he isnt cheating on you.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen if he does cheat on you? It would hurt, but you would survive.
Maybe you should ask yourself why you don't trust him. Have you been this way in every other relationship, or just with him? Does he convey something that doesn't sit right with you? If not, then you have to take a leap of faith if you wish to remain in the relationship, or you will destroy it. Eventually you might actually drive him to do the very thing you fear the most, just by treating him as if he's not trustworthy. If the relationship isn't what you want it to be, discuss whether it can be improved or not. The issues you're fighting about are probably not even what the real problems are. It sounds like there are some insecurity issues that you might want to discuss further with a therapist - it can't feel good to worry all of the time. Good luck and I hope you can work things out.
- outdoneLv 41 decade ago
You need help and quick. This problem has nothing to do with the boyfriend and everything to do with you.
Get a book, get some counseling, join a group, just go. Before the guy cheats just on the principle of the thing. Hell, honey, you make me want to cheat and I don't even know ya.
Seriously, you do have quite a problem there and you are making yourself miserable for no reason at all. Get some help before you ruin your relationship, honey. Good luck.
- Tim DLv 41 decade ago
Trust if you don't have it let him go. Don't make him fear you or your mouth in anyway or you will never be happy. In love means you would not be feeling this or acting like you are. In love is not controlling in anyway. In love means trust and it looks like your setting him up by finding out who he is with. Love learn it before you try and use it. You'll make a dent on making the whole world happier.
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- 1 decade ago
In the past month something similiar happend to me. My boyfriend has many close female friends and i kept thinking maybe he will cheat on me with them. one day he asked me how i feel about him having them as close friends i said no not at all. so yea. Dont worry he is not going to cheat on u. but dont u ever feel tired of thinking "IS HE CHEATING ON ME IS HECHEATING ON ME " and that kind of stuff. Just dont worry about it. and let him see his friends. If he is lying to see his friends then just tell him that u allow him to see his friends. because he will see his friends anyway. ttry to get him to talk to u , ask him to be honest with u and tell him that u wont get angry if he tells u the TRUTH. Ask him if he has been seeing any girls. If this doesnt work try to get him more comfortable if u no wat i mean. and just get him to be more honest with u.
- 1 decade ago
WOW good luck with that one has he given you any reson to not belive him ??? if not then id say lay off woman give him space every man is NOT a cheater but if he has make him prove it to you OR find a man who wont cheat on you Merry CHRISTmas
- 1 decade ago
my ex did the same thing to me what you say every day, guess what? she cheated on me.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
you are a control freak.