Do you know any funny jokes?

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  • Mary
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    This guy goes into a bar after a promotion to celebrate with his buddies. Aftr a few drinks he notices, behind the bar, a big jar stuffed with $50 bills, so he asks the bartender about it.

    The bartender replies, "Oh that's just a running bet we have here. You gotta pay $50 into the pot and if you complete 3 tasks, you win the whole jar. As you can see, no one has ever won."

    After a few more beers and 2 shots of Tequila, the man announces in a slightly tipsy voice, "Screw it, I just got a raise. I can afford to lose $50!" and he slams a $50 on the bar. "OK. What do I gotta do?"

    "Well," says the bartender "like I said, there are 3 tasks. First you gotta finish a whole bottle of our homemade 200 proof Fire Water, after that you gotta help my pit bull tied up out back. He's got a sore tooth and you have to go pull it out for him. If you survive THAT, you have to go upstairs and pursuade the landlady upstairs to have sex with you. She's a virgin and she's 106 years old. Raping her is obviously out of the question."

    "Fair enough" said the half-drunk man. The alcohol coursing through his veins had emboldened him. "Gimme that Fire Water!" And lo and behold, he managed, to everyone's shock to finish the whole bottle without pause.

    Barely able to keep the contents of his stomach down, he was turned and nudged, by the astonished bartender in the direction of the back door, where the dog was tied up outside. The man stumbled drunkenly through the door and bravely slammed it closed behind him. A fierce barking, accompanied by breaking glass, garbage cans smashing, yelling and groaning erupted outside. After a minute or so of this racket, a loud dog yelp, followed by it's whining was heard.

    Shortly afterwards, the man stumbled back through the door, his clothes torn, blood dripping from multiple bite wounds and looking like he'd been hit by a truck.

    Then demanded in a drunken slurred voice, "OK. NOW WHERE'S THAT OLD LADY WITH THE SORE TOOTH?!!"

  • Emery
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    i know a joke but its kinda perverted

    Little Johnny and the fruit test.

    One day teacher said to the class, "Class, we're going to play a name

    game! I'm going to hold something behind my back and give you some clues, and

    you have to guess what it is, okay?"

    "Okay teacher!" replied the class.

    "Okay class, I'm holding something behind my back that's a fruit and

    it has a thick yellow skin. Who knows what it is?"

    "Is it a banana?" asked Sally.

    "No, it's a lemon!" replied teacher with a smile. "But that was good,

    Sally. I like how you're thinking! Okay, now I'm holding something behind my

    back, it's kind of round, it's orange and you eat it. Can anyone guess what

    it is?"

    "Is it an orange, teacher?" asked Peter.

    "No Peter, it's a squash!" said teacher. "But that was a good try. I

    like how you're thinking!"

    Little Johnny raised his hand.

    "Yes, John?" asked teacher nervously.

    "So teacher, I have something in my pocket, and it's hard and it has a

    head. What is it?"

    "Johnny, that's disgusting!" shouted teacher.

    "It's a quarter, teach. But I like the way you're thinking."

  • 1 decade ago

    Why does Michael Jackson like 48 year olds?

    Because theres 40 of them

  • 1 decade ago

    Learn C After Marriage

    ----------------------------------

    C is a programming Language .

    struct female_professionals

    {

    double styles;

    short skirts;

    long time_to_understand_problems;

    float mind;

    void knowledge;

    char non_co-operative;

    }

    struct engaged_females

    {

    double time_on_phone;

    short attention_on_work;

    long boast;

    float on_cloud_nine;

    void understanding;

    char edgy;

    }

    struct newly_married_females

    {

    double dinner_invitation;

    short time_at_work;

    long lunch_break;

    void bank_balance;

    char hen_pecked;

    }

    struct married_females

    {

    double weight;

    short tempered;

    long gossip;

    float hopes;

    void word;

    char unstable;

    }

    struct husband_wife_professionals

    {

    double income;

    short tempered;

    long time_no_see_each_other;

    void love_life;

    char money-making;

    }

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  • 1 decade ago

    once opun a time there where a man who was silly!

    someone asked him if he knows how to use computer?

    "yes" he said.

    "so, would you turn it on?"

    "NO! I didn't know in that much!"

  • 1 decade ago

    Yes, I know a lot of them.

  • 1 decade ago

    Of course.

    Once, a schoolboy went to the dentist for his toothache. The dentist said, " Your hole in your teeth is very very big." And once again, "Your hole in your teeth is very very big." And once again, "Your hole in your teeth is very very big."

    The boy felt very embarrassed and said that why did he say that again and again, once is enough.

    The dentist replied, " I said only once. Other voices are echoes from your hole."

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    No

  • 1 decade ago

    YOUR MAMA IS SO FAT, SHE FELL IN LOVE AND IT BROKE.

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