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Torn between family and children. What should I do? Please Help?
I have two children both girls from a previous relationship and have been divorced from that previous relationship for a while now. I do have visitaion and joint custody. My Ex-Wife is from Virginia has a large family base and this is where we all reside and my kids love being with thier mother and her family. Well I am not from Virginia and they don't seem as happy to visit me because I have no family here. I am from Maryland and I have a large family base there. I have no family in Virginia. I have been having thoughts of wanting to move back home to MD because the holidays here are miserable, I have no family to turn to in a time of need. I have to do everything by myself and I have no support because I have no family here in VA. I don't want to leave because my kids are here but I want to be with my family in MD. I thought about moving back to MD and coming to visit my kid in VA. I feel like if I move i won't ever see them again even though I know thats not the case. Any advice?
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
You have a very tough situation. You basically are torn between your own personal happiness and being a good dad. How old are the kids?? If they are little, I would stay put, but if they are teenagers I would have to more seriously consider my own happiness. Teens have lives of their own it seems and don't really have much time for their parents regardless of the marital situation. If your children are small I think maybe go home to MD for the holidays and take them with you during your part of the visitation, but stay close to them the rest of the year.
- 1 decade ago
if we lived back in the horse-and-buggy days,maybe moving would not be such a good idea. but your kids would be only a few hours or less away, these days.im a very devoted mother,however, i just can;t see how your living a lonely isolated life makes you a better father. to be sure, your girls should be your top priority, but i can tell you that my own father was seldom around and was far away most of the time--but he was in the navy. so- why are you afraid? is it because you fear that you may become comfortable with the idea of not seeing them as often and that your trips to va. may grow farther and farther apart? if you are on a tight budget, then frequent trips may not be an option either. many great relationships happen over long distances, as long as they are nurtured. you need to have family and friends too,and a happy pop is a better pop.if you are really intent on having an active roll in your kids life, you really need to either find some good pals ,male and female,in va.,or head on back home,and be prepared for lots of phone calls,and frequent weekend and holiday road trips. best wishes
- 1 decade ago
It's not your kid's fault you and your ex couldn't get along. Until you remarry, your kids are the biggest responsibility you have.
I had the same thing, divorced with joint custody of two kids. Then I remarried and had more kids. I continue to turn down job offers that would separate me from my kids from that first marriage, and my ex does the same. We live within an hour of each other so visitation is not such an event and the kids see us both regularly.
Sometimes people have to move apart, that's life. But if you have the choice then don't make youself feel better at your kids' expense. You and your ex are the ones that deserve the pain from the divorce not the innocent kids.
- lexLv 51 decade ago
without a life of your own you are no good to your children anyway,,they want a father not a shell of a lonely man,,if you are fully prepared to travel you should move,,the children need to see that even though dad is not living nearby he is still with them,,emotionally,,giving support where needed and traveling far to do it,,it may not seem a great idea but as long as your children feel loved by you they will be fine,,and i consider it a bonus if while growing up they can see that you have consciously made a decision to stay in their lives no matter where you actually live and make it a point of not making excuses for not coming when you say you are coming,,many absent fathers live within a few miles and still do not bother to see their children and all these kids hear is excuses,,if you can realistically pull it off,,go,,get yourself a life,,somewhere you are happy,content,with friends and family,for some,,distance is nothing.
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- BelindaLv 41 decade ago
If you are not happy then you are not being the best parent you could be. Va and MD are not that far apart unless you are at total opposite ends of the state. Move
- denfasrLv 41 decade ago
Get a place big enough to take in the kids during the summer. Try to set a schedule for visitation and stick to it, no matter what come up; the children takes 1st place. Go home; but, first get your kids feelings on the situation..
- sayasyoulikeLv 41 decade ago
move back to MD....your misery does you no good and eventually get the better of you...talk with your ex and children explain your feelings gently...you have a right to happiness...good luck..