Boyfriend problems, what should I do?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now. A couple of months ago, I found out that he had been lying to me about alot of important things like sexual history, who he's been hanging out with, and his relationships with his female friends. I trust that he hasn't cheated on me (simply because we spend so much time together) but I'm worried about something else.
After a conversation about this, he told me that our relationship "just didn't feel like anything special back then". He gave that as the reason why he didn't tell a female friend that had a crush on him that he had a girlfriend. He said he liked the attention that she gave him.
I'm really hurt by the lying and knowing that he didn't feel strongly about me for the first 9 months. And I'm starting to feel very used. What should I do to straighten this up?
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Seems like there is a problem of trust. I think that you should tell him that you do not trust him. I know that you did not say this in your question, but that is what I think is the problem. For the first 9 months you thought that what you both shared was something strong and meaningful, and never imagined that he would lie about being in a relationship to his female friend. So what I would do, is ask him to please be honest with me from here on out. I think that you both need to work on this together. No more lying on his part. if you catch him lying again, even if it's something small, then I do not think you should give him a second chance. I know I am being blunt, direct, and a little harsh, but I know it does not feel good when you hear that you bf, the person who had your back, has been lying about certain things. I do not care if he says hasn't cheated. Only he knows if he went that far. Lying is not good. So make that clear to him, and if he does not get it, move on. But it seems to me, as if he has come clean now and deserves a chance now. I guess you both need to communicate more and build trust again. I wish you the best. And I hope things work out for the better!
- 1 decade ago
love and relationships should be based on trust. lying isn't ok, but the reason might give you a clue to who the person is, and why they lie. it seems to me your boyfriend wasn't concerned about you in the begining of the relationship, but now he trusts you enough to let you know he messed up. to straighten things up you need to have some time alone to think and figure out how muh you care for this guy, and if he seems to be a serious partner or not. if you can't get over what he did in the past it may be wise to leave him. sometimes ppl don't change and if he is letting you know ahead of time that he likes attention from other girls, there could be a big problem with trusting him to focus more on your relationship then he would his friendships with other females .
this one comes down to you, and how much your willing to deal with. basically when are you gonna say enough is enough? if you feel things could be worse and you love him , then let go of the past and talk to him about how much you need him to be honest from now on because you have to feel trust in your relationship if your going to stay with him.
- Joseph CLv 51 decade ago
I'd say get rid of him. He doesn't sound like a winner or a keeper but rather a typical jerk in the sea of all alike.
I see countless stories on here like this about women wasting their youth and wasting their lives. It's unbelievable. How could think twice about continuing to go with a liar?
And how can so many women today have sex before they're married? There aren't even really that many men worth going out with. I think that women look for the most shallow of qualities and think that's a reason to go out with someone, get involved and have sex. I don't really know what to think.
- AmirahLv 44 years ago
Stanley shouldn't be so attached that you are his whole world. Think about it- if your boyfriend was so obsessed with you that he would refuse to go ANYWHERE without you, wouldn't you be creeped out by it? Stanley is your dog- he is going to be MORE attached to you than your bf, who he has known less time, but you should also encourage him towards a healthy relationship with other people besides yourself. Its healthier mentally for your pet and will be easier for you in the long run. If you encourage an attitude where you are the whole world you can be dealing with separation anxiety issues like the ones my friend deals with when she leaves the house- she can't leave for more than three hours without her maltese without coming home to urine, feces, and a chewed up, destroyed home. You should encourage Stanley to have a connection to more people than just yourself.
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
he needs to keep it real with you and everyone else. to be honest with you are you sure that this is going to work i mean 9 months and he is liking the attention from someone else and he hadn't felt that serious about you. you need to take a step back and look at all he has already done and get away from him before it gets to deep and you end up with a very broken heart.
- wcbaseball4Lv 41 decade ago
Once a liar, always a liar. If he lied about just that, think about what else he has lied about. And if he'll lie about something so little of importance, do you believe him now? ......questions you gotta ask urself but IMO he probably has alot more skeletons in his closet than you know about...
- 1 decade ago
Give him a big F. U. for christmas, you could be with someone who isnt going to lie to you,and who would date you because they cared about you and thought what you had was special, not just grew to like you....seriously. i would leave. it doesnt matter if he has cheated on you or not.., if you cant trust him about other things...like his lying.
- 1 decade ago
most of the time guys move slower in a reletionship as far as progressing as a team.dont be jealous about him liking attention from other women,jealousy is one sure fire way to corrode a good reltionship. the point is HE IS WITH YOU! let him have his little fantasy's as long as they dont go any further than that.
- 1 decade ago
Nothing is worse than a liar. Lose him and find someone you can trust. Your 'simply because..' line says it all.
There ARE nice guys out there for you. Good luck :-)
- Anonymous1 decade ago
sit down and talk to him.let all ur fellings out but if that doesnt work then jus dump him.well i hope it all works out! MERRY CHRISTMAS! =)