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In love with another man, while current boyfriend blackmails me not to leave him?

My current boyfriend of almost 4 years tells me that if I leave him he will kill himself. I want to leave him but if he hurts himself, I will be at fault. I want to leave him for my first love, my best friend of 6 years but I need advice on helping my current boyfriend not to harm himself =/ Should I tell his family about the situation or what should I do?

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  • Rick R
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I said the same thing when my wife left me. I just didnt know what else to do or say. His actions after you make your decision, are not your fault, they are his own. Yes it is probably a good idea to let his family know, and maybe they can be there when you leave.

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  • 1 decade ago

    This is probably the most wicked and nasty thing that someone can say to another. He can not love you if he is able to say something this awful to you. Him threatening to end his life is saying that if you leave him, he will make sure that you feel guilty and horrible for the rest of your days. If someone loves you, they do not want you to feel this way.. ever, even if they can't have you. I would bring this point up to him and tell him that his threat has no logic, no love for you and ask also why on earth he would want to be with you if you are only there to stop him killing himself. Bring up that it would make you despise him so why would he want that? If I was you, I'd bring up these points and issues then turn around and leave. Don't go back. In my experience, those who threaten suicide in this way, rarely do it and if he does, it's not your fault. Tell his family before you leave him.

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  • 1 decade ago

    hi.

    First of all you are never the one at blame for anyone wanting to injure themselves. I was in the same situation years ago, except no new boyfriend was on the scene. I just had enough and wanted to leave and my ex said he would do himself in.

    You know at the end of the day noone should ever stay in a relationship where they are miserable, don't feel guilty its the worst thing you can do. Do what your heart is telling you.

    By the way my ex is still alive and even though we had alot of arguing and yelling going on.We both now get along and he has a new girlfriend and I am now happily married.

    good luck chicky

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Dump the boyfriend. He's a jerk and won't harm himself, and even if he did, it's not your fault. He has issues. No need to tell his familly, it's not your responsibility to deal with his emotional issues.

    Sounds like the boyfriend is just a codependent type person, who will end up being a pain forever with whomever he is involved with.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You need to be able to get on with your life as you see it. You should tell his family directly so that they understand his threat, maybe even report it to mental health authorities. This would release you from obligation or guilt. You should not have to live your life with blackmail over your head. He has freewill and he has to take the responsibility for his own actions. Good Luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Tell his family and leave. That way you put "the responsibility" that you feel for looking out for him onto the family and you don't have to feel bad about leaving.

    You can't do anything for this guy. Go live your life.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I highly doubt he'll do it, but as a wanna be psychologist, I would take it seriously as do most psychologist do.

    With that said, yes, tell his family, his family might be mad at you and ask why you are leaving, boy you better have a better reason than what you said here or they will KILL YOU, lol

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  • 1 decade ago

    Leave. Tell him good luck. You can't feel guilty because this idiot says he's gonna kill himself. If he does he does, at least it won't be you being miserable with him. And yes, tell his family.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I agree with punkvixen and a few others... you want to leave.. his behavious is appauling... tell his family and the authorties.... leave and DO NOT have any contact with him ever! even if he does hurt himself its his choice not your responsibility! you will not be at fault.

    this is a typical dysfunctional controlling ploy. a healthy person would not make such a threat.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Call His Bluff.

    On his bed, leave a Knife, Razor or Gun as well as your Dear John letter.

    He's too much of a wuss to do it.

    Unfortunately, from personal exp. A person thinking of suicide will never relay their intentions before. Because then they can be talked out of it.

    And yes tell his family and friends, leave a clean slate for your conscience once you leave him.

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