cheated on me twice - my actions contributated to this though?
After a couple years of mostly good, things were going downhill & I wasn't giving them everything they needed emotionally. They let me know & I told them that I would try to change. I would for a week or two but then fall back into my old ways. They cheated on me with a co-worker (1 time sex but other connections for a month) & then didn't tell me for 3 months afterwards. we tried to move forward & improve our relationship so that they didnt feel the need to go to someone else for the attention but 1 year later, when things didn't change or improve, they have cheated on me again in the form of a 1 night stand & many late night conversations with this person that both of us were initially friends with. They tell me it was never about the other person but about the attention & way they made them feel & that it is what they want to get & feel from me. We want to be together & make things work with each other. But how can I ever trust them again and move past this?
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
them? i'm confused. but personally if "they" arent feeling that connection with you then let them find it elsewhere.... "they" have proven a pattern of lying and cheating and unacceptable behaviour..."they" could have been responsible and told you bup front that it was not working... instead "they" lied.. for months.... you can not trust "them". And if "they" made a request of you to change or improve and you failed to meet that than you are not really interested in working it out or you disagree but cannot say so verbally..... search your soul.. the answer is with in you.
- punkvixenLv 51 decade ago
Stop blaming yourself for his cheating for a start. Why do women always blame themselves? No matter what was going on in your relationship, it does not justify him cheating on you. He should have sorted the problem out with you instead of blaming it for the reason behind his cheating.
With your logic, a man is justified in rape if the victim wears a short skirt and flirts with him. If he needs more attention then that's a problem the two of you need to sort out but should he not be satisfied in receiving it, he should have ended the relationship instead of cheating then blaming this problem for it. It's a cop out, an excuse and you are letting him get away with being a prick whilst blaming yourself for him doing so.
- Laura ReneeLv 61 decade ago
Counseling to learn how to communicate with each other and to learn how to make and maintain a good relationship. It takes 100% effort on both parts though. It's not all your fault for the lack of communication, so don't blame yourself for the cheating. Counseling should have been pursued much sooner. Counseling only works if you both let it work though and do your parts to make things right between you.
- OleMarbleEyesLv 51 decade ago
Are you married...or is this a shack up situation where there is no binding commitment?
And who is "them"....if your that involved with another you should be able to say he or she.
My suggestion is move on with your life without "them" as this is the way "them" deals with troubles in a relationship...they turn to a friend for attention and comfort.
History repeats itself....
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- 1 decade ago
to say it was never about the other person is just an excuse i wouldnt trust them again. if they are serious about your relationship try consulling if they say no then they are not serious so drop them like a hot potato and move on with your life you deserve it
- BelindaLv 41 decade ago
Why do you want to try and make this work it is only going to happen again you have pretty much given them a free pass.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
You keep saying they and them, how many guys you got. It takes two to tango. You have to stick it out and both try, and try at the same time. Only you two can decide when it is time to quit and split.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
You keep saying "they" rather than "he" or "she".
Sounds to me like you're cheating on them!
If, however it is merely a poor choice of words and you are talking about one bloke, then you have to leave him.
Once a cheat: maybe can change.
Twice a cheat: always a cheat.Source(s): I cheated once on a girl friend when I was at school. She never knew but it made me feel so bad I never cheated again. Married for seven years, got many offers from absolutely georgeous girls, never cheated!
- 1 decade ago
If you truly want to work this out,get a counselor. To trust again takes time.Source(s): cheated on me twice - my actions contributated to this though?
- st.uncumberLv 51 decade ago
Sounds like you have never been able to trust them. In fact, they sound downright untrustworthy. I guess you can trust them to do it again. Therefore you can dump all of them with a clear conscience.