Am i too nice? please help.. any advice appreciated!?
So i've been liking this guy for a really long time, but my best friend sent my convos on AIM about hooking up with him. SHe knows i like him, and this isn't the first time its happened to me, not just with this friend.. but ALL my friends. I always tell them its fine when ever they ask if its ok if they 'hook up' with the guy i like. im always ilke, whatever, no worries, im not mad, im fine!! BUT the truth is... it kinda hurts. i feel like im being walked on all the time. People say " oh youre the best friend i could ever have!" but why do i feel so horrible if im being such a good friend?
does anyone else have these problems? if not its fine.. i just hope im not alone!
- ChatelaineLv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
It's just the opposite. They're not being good friends to you; they're using you. Cut these so-called friends loose, and your self-esteem will skyrocket. Be a good friend to yourself, that's more important than having so-called friends walk all over you. Believe me, it's hard to find people who respect you and who you are. It's better to be selective about who you're going to be friends with. So many people out there are so self-involved that they can't begin to appreciate others.
- Laura ReneeLv 61 decade ago
Well, learn your lesson here. If you like someone for a really long time and don't do anything about it, you're letting him slip away anyway. Go get him before someone else does. Don't blame your friend for becoming interested in him. He's probably attractive to her too (and a hundred other girls) if he's attractive to you. If this happens to you every time, the problem is not your friends, it's inside you. Next time one of your friends asks you if she can go out with someone she knows you like, be thankful that she's respecting you enough to tell you ahead of time and take it as a sign that you better move on it first. You can tell her that you actually intended to ask him out for this weekend, then go ask him out or at least talk to him and feel out the situation to see if he might be interested in you. He might just be once you bring yourself to his attention!
- cateLv 41 decade ago
Maybe your friend liked him too but you didnt do anything about it and she did. I dont think its unreasonable for you both to like the same guy.
It would be very different of you were actually seeing a guy but it sounds like you are getting upset because your friends go out with guys that you like the look of BUT ARE NOT GOING OUT WITH?
I am sure you are very nice, but it does not mean your friends are treating you wrong. You are friends because you like the same things, including boys!
Next time you need to move first- this is not about being nice or nasty. Only once you hook up with someone can you say to your friends, 'hands off, he is mine'
- 1 decade ago
I think what you did is OK, because you did not make a move. So if your friends want to make a move, then why not. But if the situation was like that you did make a move and were having a nice time, and then you friends want your permission to go out with that same person, then what kind of friend are they.
But since you did not make a move i think you should give your friends chance to do that. And i think your friends also value your friendship that's why they ask for your permission.
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- DennisLv 61 decade ago
Why in the world do they suddenly want the guy they KNOW you like? That's f*cked up. Personally i'd keep my attraction to certain somebodies i want to myself, and then try n hook up, cause apparently your so-called friends want what you want....and you gotta get yours. Besides what are they doing, gettin some from the guy you like, dumpin him, and moving on to someone else you like?
There's a time to be nice, and a time to be human. So if there is someone you like, don't relay it to them, GET EM FOR YOURSELF, and if they get mad....THEY HAD their chance..hell you've offered them YOUR picks...and if they try n steal him away they aren't friends you should have and should be DISMISSED immediately.
Not to mention i think the dude has a say too, cause if you talk to homeboy....and he wants YOU..then your friends really have no importance regardless...so if they willingly went with your friends, then he wasn't worth the effort anyway. Good luck to ya.
Never been caught in that situation really...well kind of...but i just found someone else....
- NikkiLv 71 decade ago
You're not alone. You are trying to be a good friend but the truth is...don't let them walk all over you ALL the time. Gotta do something for yourself too! :o)
- Anonymous1 decade ago
a real friend would let you develope what ever possibility you had with a crush.. not take them from you.... you need better friends. and yes your too nice... you need to say.. " I told you in confidence i really liked this guy... it hurts my feelings that you are doing this" being nice means considerate.. not a doormat....
i had a friend that would not tell me when she liked someone becasue her other friend always seemed to like the same guy... what we found out was we like different guys and they guys liked one of us more than the other for various reason... dont waste your time on someone not interested....
- 1 decade ago
yes! i am just like you! well, i was until my friend did exactly what your friend did. this will really take a toll on your mental health! your friends don't even realize they're hurting your feelings (but if they do, they're not very good friends), so tell them how you feel! it feels wonderful to tell someone what you feel. there's a difference between a nice person and a pushover(sorry, not calling you one!) your friends shouldn't be surprised at your frankness because they're so frank about everything else. hope i helped!
- 1 decade ago
yes, you are being too nice to people. you're being a doormat! pushover! being walked on over by others. sometimes it's good to stand up for yourself, let it be known of what you want, etc. even your good friends may end up taking advantage of you in this way b/c it's so easy/beneficial for them to. i hope you can tell yourself that you should do things for yourself and not worry too much about others like you do.
- amandaped25Lv 41 decade ago
I can't say i have had this problem. I would advise you to get mean. You need to stick-up for yourself. People see that you have a good heart. Once in a while is fine...but if it is a re-occuring situation ...then you need to do something about it. Your New Years resolution= getting a backbone. Good Luck to you.