Boyfriend avoiding family? Explain the male psyche!?

I come from a very large, loud, social, friendly family. My boyfriend (of 8 months, and who has said he wants to marry me some day,) comes from a small, quieter, little shy, but still friendly family. My boyfriend is avoiding my family like the plague. They try to make him feel welcome by doing things like sending a Christmas card to his family, getting him a small gift for the holiday, and inviting him to family events, but he gets really uncomfortable, and says that he feels it's "inappropriate." Is my family being inappropriate? Is he just being a typical male? Is he just being weird?

Update:

Additionally, what should I do to fix the situation, because he can't keep avoiding every family function forever!

10 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    dear, ur boy friend is not avoiding ur family. may be he is brought up in his family where everything would be normal even without what your family does. Like sending cards, wishes on birthdays, fun and parties.

    he may not be used to to all this stuffs and for him its simple a new experience for him. also my feeling is he may not be vocal, articulative, and free in expressing his love, affection and reciprocate. he feels shy to express all stuff what you called 'inappropriates' . you have to dicuss with him when alone, you are the one who will find out what is it?

    also check if he has any complex? may be you are too high and upward class family while he may not. he feels insecure and that he might be actually thinking about your family. He don't want to make any mistake, or look like a dumb idiot among you all when it comes to gatherings. This give opportunity to big mouths to say something to you or your family.

    Try one to one with him all your family members. Make him feel confident and than judge him

  • 1 decade ago

    He is just not use to big loud family get togethers.

    I would caution you on marrying him.

    If your family is close and there are a lot of family things you guys do, then this man will not be happy and you will not be happy with him.

    There is always a chance he loosens up around them in the future, but if he doesn't I'd think real hard about marrying him.

  • 1 decade ago

    It's probally scary for the guy to meet your whole family , especially dad, brother & uncles ( who could beat him up if he does you wrong -lol-). Why not invite him out to lunch with your mom or sister, so he can get to know them one by one at a slow pace so he doesn't feel overwhelemed. The you can invite him to larger functions.

  • 1 decade ago

    i think its just cause he comes from a smaller family...i hate meeting bfs family more than anything..it makes me feel so uncomfortable because i feel like i have to make them like me...even if ive gone to many family functions it always feels a little uncomfortable...its just how some people are

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    well all guys are like that ... hes just the type to be scared of your parents! just explain to him that your family is very important to you and if he wants to be a part of your life he will have to mix and mingle at least a little bit. additionally, ask your family to tone it down around this guy, or he might feel intimidated(like in my big fat greek wedding)!

  • 1 decade ago

    You have kind of answered the question in your question.. so yea.. you hit it all...

    how too change.. first let him know you he doesn't have too attend every function.. so sit down and determine which ones he MUST attend and those that he could slide out on ... and when he does attend them he MUST be social....

    he is being a stick in the mud.... and he needs too lighten up..

  • 1 decade ago

    I hate meeting the family. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. Just give it time.

  • 1 decade ago

    He is shy. He doesn't feel confident enough is what it all balls down to. If you want to help you have to first start from the root of the problem and that is his ego. He needs to build his self confidence.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Drop that Bum and find a Man with real loot.

  • CSA_NP
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    just tell him how you feel and talk to him about it.

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