Is This fair?
Me and my patner have a child..he always gets invited to go out and stuff..and i always get jealous..cause the guys that invite him are goin to pick up girls..and i dont know if he will join them at that..and i never get to go anywhere..im always stuck at home while he goes out..i sometimes tell him not to go out..or to take me with him...and he says i make him feel like he is in jail..but i need to get out too..i dont think its fair...should i just get ova it and accept im gonna stay stuck at home while he can go have fun?or what?
we can leave my kid with my mum..or his mum..but he always says " im just spending time with the boys ..and i need to get out..i cant stay here all the time" .....
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
im a man and any man that does that is just a dick he should either take u with him sometimes or send u out with ur girlfriends
- chrissy757Lv 51 decade ago
It's time to give him an ultimatum or just leave him. Either he doesn't really want the family thing or he just isn't ready. He is not being fair to you...my husband and I have a set rule that Sunday is his day to take care of our son and I can do whatever I want and during the week I usually get out of the house alone or with a friend a couple times a week and he isn't really a go out with the boys kind of guy but has a full time job that keeps him socialized.
Parenting is for both the mother and the father and men need to step up and care for their kids and kids need both parents working together to develop a positive understanding of a loving and committed relationship.
You have a rough road ahead of you if you don't start being more direct with him regarding your needs and expecting resolution and compromise. There is nothing wrong with him going out with friends once or twice a week but there needs to be family time and mommy time too. You are a person with needs and if he can't understand that he doesn't deserve you or your son.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
this is a very tricky situation .you cannot stop him by confronting him as this will only lead to more arguments and bad rapport
instead give him an insight that his parents are eager to see the baby and would want to spend some time with the child so taking a advantage you both can have some time out together. surely he will consider this because the parents are important to him and on the other hand take them into confidence explain them your situation and give them a picture of the growing stress at ur home front .
your parents and his parents can only help you in this situation as both want this union to survive .
you can only help here by a gradual counseling to give him an insight ,
- lily_shaineLv 41 decade ago
No it's not fair that your partner can go party whenever. He sounds really selfish, next time make plans to go out and leave your child with him,tell him the same things he tells you(feeling like being in jail )
As a parent you deserve just as much right to have fun as he does,sometimes you need grownup time and if he can't respect that then you might want to reconsider him as a mate.
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- 1 decade ago
i tihkn you should not accept that rubbish! how could a women stay inda house all day and her partner go out!!!! now thats just orrible!
Hey u must have firends! Or get a job and im sure u will make firends and then u will be invited to parties and stuff or if u dnt wanna job then go out dont think bout what he syas cause this is ya life were talking about! lifes tooo short to stay in all day!Source(s): ?
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Not at all, you have the right to have fun just as much as he does. He's just saying that, to have a hold on you, so you'd stay home. Go out, if not with him, then with your friends. Have a drink on me.
- 1 decade ago
You need to take responsibility for your own happiness. If you want to go out, then do it. Many times when a person accuses you of something it is because they see that same thing in them-self. Please don't let this guy make you so terribly unhappy. I don't want you to wake up years from now, just older. Empower yourself and go for it!Source(s): Life
- shiznickLv 41 decade ago
hell no my friend hire a sitter and let him taste his own medicine.my daughter put up with this **** for 8 years and she started going out i baby sat. she found out he was cheating. she met another man and he went out of town to come home and find her and the boy of his gone out of his life. he is so sad but it is to late. she does let him see and get his child as it was instilled in her from youth right and wrong. show him this even if im not the best answer as it does not matter to me about any stars nor points. i answered this as it hit a nerve regarding my daughter.i wish you happiness. don't sit home another weekend.Source(s): shiznick
- 1 decade ago
He is being very self-centred, self focussed and self absorbed. He sees having you and a baby as a mat that keeps him grounded within four walls.
I am sorry to say he is not ready to committ to you as a father and partner committs to his family. This is not to say he is not a good person or a good worker. His actions are his actions, not who he is within. He is running away from who he is within. Age will do this, and I will assume this person is under 30. Most men are children themselves, hate to admit that, but they replace Mum with the Mrs. Its takes time to realise that they can not treat one or expect the same 'on a plate' as they were used to - like coming and going because the house is always taken care of when he's not there, and all is there when he returns. Perfect!!! Why change it?
I would not define your emotions as 'jealous'. You have a right to have a 'life' too. But the both of you have to remember something first and foremost. You both had your baby, and you both are together bringing it up. When choices are made for the baby they are made as parents. When two people share the same group of friends it is made easier when two can make choices there two. However, if his friends are pulling him away from his 'obligations' as a Dad and partner and he is in allowance of this, and you never have the chance, then you are giving him permission to do this. Obviously not verbal permission, but by allowing him to exercise his power over you and keep you 'home' so he can 'play' - not it is not fair. Very under balanced and you will not put up with it quietly forever.
You need to sit him down and ask him what is his intent for himself, you and your child. What visions does he hold for your future together? Does he know what your personal dreams are? Do YOU know what your personal dreams are? Have you two shared your future wishes at all?
Yes we all need to be with our friends. However you need to structure the 'month' of social activities. Also he needs to allow you in and demand that his mates respect that you are his life partner and Mother of his child. When two people come together, they are One. One allows one independent thinking, however, choices must serve our higher self, our inner self, and that for those we love.
Maybe you need to start 'making it happen' for yourself. Independently organise Mum to care for your child and organise yourself out with your own friends...once a month. Three other weekends left...one for him .....one for the both to spend at 'home'...and one for you to go out as a 'family'. Structure...if he is not willing to make the sacrifices a partner and father makes when he agrees to fathering a child, then he is denying himself inner happiness, and eventually this will be felt by those whom love him and they too will eventually move on.....
Denying the spirit of self and family is not coming from truth, and peace and happiness will be in the 'wanting'.
Blessings be yours in peace, light, happiness and much laughter.
Harriett Potty ;)Source(s): self opinion
- NikkiLv 71 decade ago
Nope it isn't fair. Your partner is being inconsiderate of you!
Maybe talk to him and if he doesn't change, then he'd be history.
Tell him that HE makes you feel like you're in jail!!