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please help us?
How do we get her out I still haven't gotten a great answer ive gotten suggestions but we would really like my boyfriends mom out of our place. Please IM me and let me know how we can get her our of our place i will answer all questions and explain more thanks
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
First of all what do you think is the reason why she lives with you guys? Does she has a her own place? is it far away? where is her husband? Maybe smth happened in her family and now she's afraid to live alone?
And yes i agree with the first answer - that everything is in your boyfriends hands, cause if you're going to talk to her - it may cause you a problems between you and bf, and you and his mother. And believe that's not what you want! He needs to talk to her, he should tell her that you really appreciate her helping around (i hope she does that, not like in the movie with Jane Fonda and JLo), that you love her, but he should say smth like "you should understand that we are young and mature enough to live together, just two of us, you can come to visit us anytime you want, you are always welcome, but plz - we want live alone, could you go back home. we promise to visit you every weekends"
I'll be glad if i helped you just a little at least. I think that conversation should be calm, nice, in that kind of mood. And i hope she'll understand!! She should! I bet she wanted to live on her own too when she was young!
Good luck to you!
p.s. and sorry for my english, that not my language!Source(s): partly personal expirience
- 1 decade ago
First of all, it's important that you all remain calm.
Asses the situation
Identify the problem,the effects on your living climate
Gather alternatives,options,possible solutions
Compare the alternatives and select the most beneficial or effective solution
Execute your decision (rationally and with tact) and assess the results
A process to conflict resolution is three fold.1st, listen. It's important to let your mother know that you "hear" her. Use phrases like
it looks like you....
It sounds like....
I'm guessing that you're feeling pretty upset about this because....
2. Empathize: Recognize that her stance is one you may not agree with but is important to her. What you can say: "I can see that this is really important to you."
3. Assert: Then the assertive part comes in where you take your position. I recommend that you to start these statements with the word "and." If you use the word 'but' it disqualifies what your mother has shared. For example: "And, Mom, I have a different perspective on …as suppose to," But mom you also..."
"we can understand why you feel this way when yada...yada...yada...yada and we feel similiar when yada...yada...yada...yada.The truth of the matter is that this has been going on entirely too long.It has effected all of us in many ways.It has disrupted our lives.The climate in the home is not healthy one anymore and we must take a different direction with this. After talking about yada...yada...yada...yada, me and "insert name" have discussed this and have decided that it's best that we cease this living arrangement. It hurts me.It has effected "insert name". It's just something that has to be done before it gets worse and takes a toll on all of our relationships.I am sorry that it had to come to this,but we've exhausted all of our patience in trying to resolve these issues and it's the only option that we haven't executed. I want to leave you for a little bit so I can gather myself/ourselves, but I want to make it clear that there's no negotiating this anymore, this is the end resolve.We need to come together later to discuss the details of how we are going to make this transition happen without successfully with minimal problems. You're my mother. I love you and this wasn't easy for us/me."
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Your boyfriend needs to be the one to tell her she needs to move.