Emily asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 decade ago

Is it rude not to go to my inlaws house this year for christmas?

My husband and I have been together 8 years and usually rotate holidays with each others family. I am not getting along well my husbands dad's wife and the tention is thick. I thougtht about not going. my husband doesnt like the idea. should i suck it up for my husband?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think you should go for his sake. But he knows why you don't want to, so ask him to pay special attention and defuse what he can. Later, you can discuss it again and hopefully, you'll be grateful to each other for making it work as well as it can. And next year, it's your turn!

  • 1 decade ago

    Etiquette rules say you can simply decline an invitation if you don't want to go.

    In the case of family, though, this can get sticky. Think about it this way: would not going make things better or worse among your family members? My guess is that they would notice you weren't there and get upset. But you should really do more than "suck it up" because if you do the bare minimum things can get out of control as soon as something unexpected happens. So I'd say you probably should let go of your grudges as much as possible and go there with full intent to have a wonderful family holiday celebration. And maybe make a secret signal for your husband so he'll know if you have to get out of there early.

  • 1 decade ago

    No, of course it's not rude (but it might be rude to wait until December 24 to tell them if they're expecting you). At some point you and your husband will want to start your own holiday celebrations.

    Be careful, though, that you spend as much (or as little) holiday time with your in-laws as you do with your own parents. People can get very upset about that--and even more so when there are grand-kids involved.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I agree with and_y_not and like to add. This thing is agreed upon before and has been in practice. You can't break it. You must go but since you don't like that woman, don't be where she is. She's in the kitchen, you should be in the dining room..... You husband must stand by to defuse any potential problem.

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  • 1 decade ago

    No! I am having the same problem with my husband's 2 sisters, and I told him I refuse to go celebrate anything with them, he said ok and he is staying with me. He will see his parents another day.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I would talk to your husband about this, as I am sure it has created awkward moments for him too. He would want for you to feel welcome with his family, not ostracized. Simply explain to him that his mother is making you feel uncomfortable, and that he should mention something to her before you go on over. After they talk, you can make a decision then based on how things went for him and her.

  • 1 decade ago

    Christmas politics.you don't have to go but your husband will be upset.you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

  • 1 decade ago

    It's not rude. You have your own family. But your husbands dad's wife will probally think it's rude. She'll probally think it's rude whatever you do. Isn't Thanksgiving enough.

  • SNAP!
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    my answer to "sucking it up" will always be NO...

    let hubby go if he wants, but there's no reason for xmas to be ruined for you...

    maybe you two could consider starting a new tradition of staying home on xmas...you could visit your families at other less stressful times of the year

    good luck

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't think it would be rude not to go, based on what you've said, anyway. I do think that if you go it is a recipe for disaster.

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