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Is this wrong?

I just got out of a relationship with someone who had kids. The children didn't live here, but I often had to deal with baby mama drama. It was also hard because I knew that he and I would never share that bond that he shared with her cuz she had his first child. I often tryied to explain that to him, but he never understood. So, is it wrong of me to not want to date another man who has kids?


To justturning 40

well he did mistreat me a great deal, and he didn't work majority of the two years he lived with me. So, if he didn't work, he wasn't there for his kids{he had more than 1}. I was never selfish, I gave him everything, and I took care of his kids when they came to visit us.

14 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    No, it's not wrong to feel that way. But maybe you'll change your mind if you meet the right person who knows how to balance his relationship with his kids, as well as you. Apparently that was not the case this time. And as far as baby mama drama. Some women just need to grow up, they think they can hold onto a guy if they have a kid. But if was meant to be that way then there never would have been you or me or the next chick.... If everyone is mature in the situation then that makes all the difference. So yeah you may feel that way now. But don't count them out for good, your true love may have a kid already, it was something he had to go thru in his life before he was to meet you.

  • M S
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I don't think it's wrong, but you might want to consider that you could miss out on some great opportunities if you limit yourself that way. If it's strictly about the fact that you won't give a man his first child, then you certainly have a responsibility to yourself not to date men with children so that you get your needs fulfilled. However, the first thing you mentioned was the "baby mama drama". Although the drama seems to be the norm when people split up, there are plenty of men who have good relationships with their exes without the drama. If the drama was more the issue, then be more selective. You've had experience with this kind of situation now and know the kinds of issues you don't want to deal with, so you can ask questions at the beginning to find out about his relationship with the mother of his kid(s).

  • 1 decade ago

    Yes its wrong. He already has his first child so no you cant give him that first experience.But that doesnt mean that he will care less for his other childs. He isnt there for his childs mother and I think thats where the problem lies its not about the child he has. I havent heard you say that he miss treats you or he jumps when she calls. So your problem is with yourself you are being selfish. This man has great character he is in his child life.There are plenty of dead beat dads. And your willing to give up a relationship just because you didnt give him a child first. It might be better for him and the child if you move on you are only thinking of your feelings. I am sure you have some issues that he is willing to work with or over look but you are jealous of the childs mother. Things ended with them but he is still in his childs life and you still have a problem with her. She is going to be around.

  • 1 decade ago

    By reading your question it seems that the problem wasn't the relationship but it was a psychlogical problem from your part. It sounds like he never questioned wether or not the bond between you and him would be strong, it was you that did. You had it in your head that he had children with another woman and most likely shared a different bond that you would never feel, that in turn made the relationship not work.

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  • Queen
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    First of all, just b/c he had children with her, doesn't mean you couldn't still have his heart. TRUST ME. You need to think about if you are ready to deal with the mamma b/c 95% of men these days have children. Don't involve yourself with the children until you know you and him are going to have a lasting relationship. Good Luck finding a (straight) man without kids!

  • 1 decade ago

    Absolutely Not. If you and he would have been more connected I suspect that the kids wouldn't have come into play. You probably just didn't feel it for him. And, maybe his having kids blocked some intimate feelings. I say, do what makes you most comfortable. The kids certainly don't want someone involved with them that truly doesn't want to be there either.

  • JustMe
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    No its not wrong at all. We all have only one life to live and we should all have the opportunity to have what we want. I would never date a man with children. Never.

  • 1 decade ago

    No way. The way I look at dating is as a way to figure out what you do and don't want in a realtionship. You didn't like that aspect of your relationship with him, and so you've decided you might not want that with future relationships, that's normal in my book!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    no, if your experience dating a man with kids and its not working well, then that fine not to date men with kids.

  • 1 decade ago

    No if it hurts you than it is good that you recognize that you cannot deal with that. I couldn't either for the same reasons.

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