How to mend (if possible) my relationship with my 15 yo daughter?

In March my daughter messed up. She's a very good girl, but, I couldn't understand why, joined a bad crowd and did some wrong stuff. She apologized but got punished anyway, I got very disappointed and it took me some time to trust her again. Much more than the punishment, this hurt her really bad, made her suffer a lot, to an extent I couldn't reallyn realize then. Now I think I really exaggerated, she was just an excellent girl that messed up. But she got extremely resentful, could never get over it. We had a wonderful relationship and it was destroyed. She says I didn't act like a mom, I couldn't understand she is human and may make mistakes like anyone else, and I submitted her to an emotional massacre. She left that crowd and today I trust her completely, but our relationship is destroyed, so resentful she is. And to makes things worse, a teacher she likes much helped her and now it seems my girl likes her teacher more than me.

13 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sounds like ya'll need to sit down and have a heart to heart. Tell her how you feel, that you were worried about her and that you realize now you overreacted in the punishment. Ask her for her forgiveness. And tell he how much you trust her now and that you know she's a good person. Tell her moms worry about there children and that mom's make mistakes too. Show her how you feel, cry if you need to. Then when she's forgiven, take her out to dinner and shopping to help ya'll reconnect. you should pay for everything by the way. I realize moms worry, and overreact, but we should apologize and try to make things better when we realize we were wrong. God bless!

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow mom, thats harsh. Well, I really dont think any of us can actually tell you what you should do... every teenager is so different. If she was a good kid and then just made one mistake, theres nothing wrong with that. Theres no need to over react, we're all human beings and make mistakes.... (especially teens, there still learning) Your daughters gonna be mad at you for a while. When she said "you didnt act like a mother" she probably ment, that at a time where she needed guidance the most, you gave her punishment instead. A mothers love is unconditional, we all know that... but your actions speak louder then words when it come to your kids. Just let things go and it will heal itself. Dont try to push it cause u may end up pushing to hard.

    And about her teacher... dont worry about it. Your kids aren't gonna tell you everything. Teachers are very kind people, kids are there job... its perfectly normal for a teen to have that "special teacher" Good Luck

    Source(s): personal experience with my own parents! :)
  • PDH
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Have a heart-to-heart with your daughter. Tell her that you don't have any experience in dealing with this type of thing, because she has always been the perfect daughter and as far as you are concerned she still is. Tell her that you understand that what you were so upset about that she did, was just a momentary lapse in judgment on her part, and that you see now that you were too harsh in the way you reacted to it. Then explain to her that you made a monetary lapse in judgment as well. In the same way that she is learning about life right now and will make mistakes, you are learning how to be the parent of a teenager and you are going to make mistakes too. Ask for her forgiveness and let her know that your relationship with her is one of the most important things in your life. Ask for her suggestions on how the two of you can repair the damage that has been done. Tell her you are not going to stop being her mother and that you will always be looking out for her best interest, but that you know she is growing up into womanhood and you want her to have some input and to be able to talk out problems, rather than treating her like a 5 year old when she steps a way that you don't agree with.

    Kids this age are at a rough spot in their lives. They are part adult and part child. They are confused about how to make good decisions. We parents need to allow them to start having some control of their lives, but still give them a friendly nudge in the right direction from time to time. This is how they develop the ability to make the right decisions once they are on their own.

    Good luck with this. Raising teenagers is not a task for the weak of heart. It sounds like you love your daughter very much and I know she will see that and remember.

  • 1 decade ago

    Why don't you simply ask her? "Honey, I messed up. I was so panicked at your behavior that I went overboard. I miss you. What can I do to gain your trust again?"

    Don't make her answer right then. Plan on a "date" to discuss and let her present her case.

    Also, whenever she asks for permission to do something, putting the words "I trust your judgement" to your answer would go a long way as well.

    You might also write her a note and include in a very nice Christmas card. Begin with "To err is human, to forgive, divine." Tell her you love her, you trust her, and you hope that she is mature enough to put the past behind.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    I would sit down and talk it out with her.

    I mean you are the mom and the adult. I would just sit down let her know how you felt and that you are sorry that your punishment was so hurtful to her. Let her know that she is still very important to you and that you want to work on getting your relationship back to where it use to be.

    I mean you have to remember back in your mind what you were like at that age. Maybe she was just tired of being a good girl and wanted to try something different but really didn't know what the after math would be.

    Just try to help her.

  • 1 decade ago

    I would sped more time with her, take her to the mall and go to some places that you both like. If theres a speacial place where you two spet a lot of tie together efore this happened take her there so it kinda self mindedly remindes her of how thigs used to be and if she and yu both want to have the same relatioship then slowly work your way back and after you have got there keep doing it to make the relationship even stronger the before

  • 1 decade ago

    The two of you must sit down and have a heart to heart. I always tell my children if you are upset with me, Hm, I must be doing my job. As a parent it is your job and responsibility to lay down rules, guidelines and boundaries. her actions caused your response. If it was painless, she would not have learned a lesson. Stop beating yourself up, you did what you thought was in her best interest. She is trying to make you feel guilty and she is angry. So what, you are still her mother and you always will be. You need to let her know that. And you will always have her best interest at heart and taken into consideration. There is no rule book to follow when raising chidlren. You do what you think is best at the time. Good luck and God bless****

  • 1 decade ago

    hold on for awhile because obviously your daughter is very hurt and hurt is a journey. to reach forgiveness is a process. the best thing you can do is remind yourself to not be hurt but understanding because she is hurt. That's what separates the children from the adults. We already know what they are feeling and are going through because we've been through it. We are to consider the pressures and test and trials they go through and for the first time even- it ain't easy. We are to understand how simple it is to put all the blame on the one who is closer to them because that is the person who have proved to be their rock. We also have to understand that when children feel mistakenly disloyally treated they will retaliate and attempt to make that culprit jealous. And we are to try to never give up on that child by maybe offering that child someone to talk to that will help them find a safe journey back to healing. I would suggest a family counselor (someone who is unbiased) so your daughter will feel free and not ganged up on. Then you are to get ready to accept the fact that your daughter may or may not acknowledge that no one could love her (including her teacher) like you do. But rest assured SHE KNOWS. I have a feeling you already know this, so also rest assured that there are many mothers who know what you are going through. This is when you really get to see what unconditional love is all about.

    Source(s): twenty years of parenting a wonderful daughter and two wonderful sons. Not without headaches, tears, support and love from them all. I wouldn't have made it without them!
  • 1 decade ago

    talk to your daughter and tell her that your not perfect and you always don't do the right things, but you meant well. and that you loved her very much, and the only reason why you did what you did is because you love her, you can tell her that you know now that you handled it wrong and say i can't take it back but we can start a new.if you let me and give me another chance. but don't give up. show her and support her . things will turn out okay.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I can tell you what its liek from her view me and my parents dont have a good relationship and I hang with the wrong people. I scream and yell and have told my parents that I was going to kill them then kill myself. my dad put my in anger managment which is helping and our relationship is mending but he doesnt trust me. it makes me depressed and many timesI have said I was going to live withj my mom. none of this helps and dont let her rule you but dont put to many expectations. higher expectations makes it worse but certain ones help what she wants is love and attention and your the only one she wants it from. coming from the teacher wont help anything.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.