How bad should I feel about a one night stand with herpes?

I have HSV and fairly new to dating w/ herpes. I dated 1 other guy since I got it (after my relationship I was in when diagnosed ended) whom I told before sex, and even though he didn't have herpes, we had a careful sexual relationship. Last weekend I met a guy. I had never slept w/ a guy on the 1st night and didn't get the vibe from him that we'd end up doing it (I thought maybe we'd just make out). 1 thing led to another, we had sex; I couldn't get the words "I have herpes" out of my mouth. We used a condom & I have no symptoms, nor have had a full outbreak since diagnosed over a year (which I remained w/ the partner I had when I got it for most of that year) ago. I went to the guy the next day & told him of my herpes. He is not happy & feels deceived & scared. I,ve been beating myself up all week. I didn't not tell him w/ intentional intent to cause harm, I didn't know what to say since I didn't know him & then it was too late. I am really stressed & feel horrible. Please advise.

15 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You should feel bad.. you didn't know how to tell him but you could take your pants off and let him screw you?

    That's not right, and you need to think twice before doing something like this again.

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    3 years ago


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  • you need to take your time in the future. learn how to start up those conversations, get that out in the open before it even leads up to that. if it comes up to that, you just need to go ahead and tell the person before it goes down. a lot of people do that, i've had it done to me now don't get me wrong, i'm sure there's rejection involved in that, i could only imagine. but i can respect that type of honesty, people can respect you at the end of the day and quite honestly, it isn't worth taking that chance to find out what will happen because people don't always deal with that type of disclosure very well after the fact, or even worse, when they have to find out about it themselves the hard way. it doesn't matter about the frequency of your outbreaks. this isn't some disease you're the only one that has, this is something that affects like one out of three people that are active. chances are if you tell someone they'll tell you they have it to. the other two of three probably don't know that they have it, and you don't want to be the one they're angry at over some outbreaks over something they were probably already carrying, though it lay dormant.

    as far as feeling bad about it, there isn't too much more than can be done at this point. but if those cards are already out on the table, by all means, because it's at that person's discretion. but if you can't tell that person upfront, then that's a one night stand that simply isn't worth having; they deserve to at least know that much.

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm not judging you so please don't take it that opinion is that if you are comfortable enough to have sex with him you should feel comfortable enough to "get the words" out. You could be the most careful person in the world, but putting someone else at risk is serious business. What's done is done, and you can't beat yourself up for that. I would just learn from this and make sure you let every potential "relationship" whether it's serious or not know before hand.

  • 4 years ago

    I am absolutely terrified and I feel so alone. I just found out last week that I tested positive for hsv1 and 2. I have been with the same man for the past 10 years and within the last year found out that he has cheated on me with numerous women. I am so scared that I can give it to my children by kissing them and them eating with me...I feel like my whole life has changed. And even though the nurses, my doctor, and websites say that a lot of people have it I still feel like I am by myself. My self esteem has dropped and I feel like I have been used up. But now, My life is very happy.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    To al you people who stand and judge this girl who should be ashamed of your self. Why dont u care to go and look on matchmaker sites does anyone disclose there std status l think not. By the sound of the information you give sounds like you are well aware of outbreaks and know your body. Yes what u did was wrong for sure but you are still human Perhaps he should have asked you whether you had any stds why judge you so harsh when he could have one too

  • S H
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    And you should be. Being responsible to engage in sexual activities means being responsible and mature enough to disclose your diseases. Using a condom and you not having an outbreak does not guarantee you cannot pass the virus. There is always a chance. If this guy knew you had herpes, he may have been one of the person with above average knowledge of this disease and not continued with the encounter.

    Also take into consideration...nowadays, in most states and spreading nationwide. It is becoming a felony to engage in sexual activities KNOWING you have a disease and not disclosing it to the other party. If he wants, he may attempt pressing charges against you, especially if he contracts the disease. I suggest you keep your hormone intact or make damn sure you disclose this info to your next encounter.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well put yourself in his shoes. Wouldn't you want someone to tell you if they have an infection or a disease? I think so because I know I would. Just be more careful next time and tell your partners! Don't be stupid. If they still want to have a sexual relationship with you after you tell them, then great! It will take alot of weight off your shoulders. You could of prevented this whole thing.

  • 1 decade ago

    I know it must be hard to tell someone that you have this virus, but it's the only right thing to do. How would you feel if you found out the day after a one night stand that the person you slept with had HIV? I do give you credit for being honest with him so he'll know he should see a doctor.

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