kd s asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 decade ago

How to deal with a drinker...?

How can I get through to someone who drinks excessively?

I can not be hipocritical because I like to have a drink now and then, but my dear friend has a serious problem...

23 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Next time you go to a bar with him/her dont order alcohol. If he askw why you dont drink say "i am not drinking with you anymore because you overdo it"

  • 1 decade ago

    Talk to your friend and let them know that you are concerned with their drinking. Make the point that even though you do drink, you are able to control it. If you are a true friend then maybe you should choose not to drink with or around them anymore. But, if your friend is an alcoholic then no matter what you say is going to get them to stop drinking. The first stage of alcoholism is denial. The first step to recovery is admitting that their drinking has become a problem. Usually an alcoholic or drug addict has to suffer some losses in order to see that the drinking is problemsome in their life. It is called hitting bottom. Unfortunately not much you can do or say will stop this persons drinking until they themselves have had enough. But stay strong and continue to encourage them to get help and stop drinking. I am in recovery myself and if my family had ever given up on me I don't think I could have made it. Excessive drinking usually ends up three ways: jails, institutions, and death. But is a long road for some people and others become statistics. Just sit down with your friend and let them know that you love them and are concerned for their well being. Please understand that if your friend becomes angry and volatile, that it is just the disease of addiction talking. Our addiction becomes angry when someone tries to seperate us from our drug or alcohol. But hang in there and love will eventually win them over. I wish you and your friend the best.

  • 1 decade ago

    Been married to an alcoholic for 10 years-and unless they want to get some help, nothing will ever change! You can talk until your blue in the face,you can cry,throw a fit,never speak to your friend again-but none of these things will change anything about the problem! Your friend probably knows they have a problem, 9 chances out of 10 they themselves won't admit it though! I have learned to accept my husband's problem-and I'm there for him when he needs me-and I pray that eventually he will stop-but until that time I can't be mad at him because of the disease!Be there for your friend no matter what-but set some guidelines if they drink around you!!!Good luck!!

  • 1 decade ago

    Ask this person to go get a cup of coffee with you, at a sober time...and just tell him or her that you are concerned, and you feel there may be a drinking issue...this person may get upset with you, but just make sure that you tell this person on the onset that you are only addressing this because you care about him or her. The sad fact is, until a person is ready to deal with an addiction, they won't successfully quit....but if they find out that their little secret is not really a secret, and other people know, it is one step in the right direction. Good luck

    Source(s): raised by 2 raging alcoholics...mom died from it, dad struggled for 18 years after.
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  • 1 decade ago

    Tell this person how you feel about them drinking excessively. Tell him/her that you love hanging out with them and even having a few drinks. It's only when they cross the line and continue drinking that you get upset. Tell them you feel they need some help and they can come to you & you'll help them if they want it. But they must WANT it. Be supportive but firm. You will spend time with them when they're sober, but you don't like them when they're drunk. I've been sober since 12/22/88. Your friend has to want to stop, you can't control their drinking but you do have control over whether you want to be a part of it.

  • 1 decade ago

    You've already been given some excellent advice! As some of the posters mentioned, you can't help an alcoholic. They have to make that first step on their own. Talking to your friend isn't a bad idea, it may give them 'something to think about'.

    However, in the meantime.... you could attend alanon meetings. They are intended to help those that are dealing with either an active alcoholic or one that is in recovery. They can offer you direction in getting your friend help or simply offer you support.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You can't, even though you want to. He/she has to admit to having a problem and then can get help. Really, the best thing you can do is go to Al-Anon, it's a support group for family/friends of alcholics and you can meet others who are in the same boat and find out how they dealt with it. You are not alone, there are plenty of people who have been in the same position as you are. You can find Al-Anon in your phone book. Good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    Try Alanon - a group for family and friends of alcoholics. You need to learn how to deal with this if you really want to help.

    Drinkers have to hit a bottom before they are willing to get help. And you have no way of knowing what that bottom is.

    Best wishes.

  • 1 decade ago

    You cannot get through to someone who has a drinking problem until they themselves are ready to acknowledge and accept that they have a problem. Until they reach that point, you're talking to a brick wall when you try to reason with them.

    It's counterintuitive, but the best thing you can do for your dear friend at this point isn't to try to reason with him/her, it's to avoid spending time with him/her in situations where his/her drinking is likely to be a problem. And to be very blunt about it: "[drinker's name], I can't stand to be around you when you're drinking. You're a dear friend and it hurts me and makes me angry to see you do this to yourself. I'd like to spend more time with you but it just doesn't work for me." Say something like that and nothing more: not that you wish your friend wouldn't drink, not what can you do to help. Just that you won't put yourself in his/her company when he/she is drinking.

    (And obviously, don't drink when you are around your friend.)

    Then be patient and cross your fingers that eventually your friend will come to the conclusion that drinking is a problem for him/her and will try to do something about it.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Your friend will have to be the one to admit that there is a problem and as long as he doesn't see it, there is very little one can do. You can attempt to confront your friend but it may lead to arguments and/or the dissolution of your friendship (on that person's end). If you get a group of your mutual friends together to discuss the issue, your friend could take it as a "ganging up".

    Show as much compassion as you can but tread lightly. Your friend has to be the one to take the step and admit that he has a problem. Once he/she can do that, then they should go to a group such as AA.

  • 1 decade ago

    if you are in danger and suggest a rehab for you friend.It is easiest to quit little by little but only if you friend really wants to quit agree with everything they say till you can get away from them and get help or safety for yourself.If you are in danger.Suggest a rehab center,maybe already have the info for her or him and suggest that there is a problem you would like to help them through because that's what friends do.But most of all do not provoke a drunk.

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