How should I deal with this?

I sent my daughter some Christmas gifts (clothes from Hollister and Bath/ Body Works lotions) because they are things that I know that she likes. She is 14 and lives with her Dad in another state.

She says that the kids tell her that she is "poor" because she does not wear enough name brand clothes. So, I bought her some clothes from Hollister since its name brand and a store that she likes.

Now, my ex-husband sent me an e-mail saying the why did I send Christmas gifts when they are trying to empty out the house?

I think that his nature is the same. He wants everything his way. In other words, I have to send or not send gifts as he likes. If he wants cash, I have to send cash.

I bought the gifts with love for her. I don't know if he will send them back. I guess I will return them if he does.

It seems that he is never happy with what I do for the child.

Whatever I buy or do is not good enough in his eyes.

13 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Your ex sounds like a bitter person. I certainly would not care one bit how he feels about your sending gifts to your daughter. I would focus on my daughter and her feelings. If she wants clothing from namebrand stores, send them. If he returns them back to you, or worse to the store to get the money; I would ask for legal help to see that your daughter gets your gifts. Or if you know someone else who lives near them, ask if you could send your daughters gifts to them to forward on to her. Cut through the tags, the store will not take them back if the tag is cut.

  • 1 decade ago

    Are you sure your child is just not playing on the guilt factor here? It is a shame but many kids play off divorced parents to get their way. Maybe she has plenty of good clothes. And is "name brand" always the best? I have some kids I know who will shop only at certain places, and when their grandmother sent what she could afford, they threw it in the bottom of the closet. How selfish and rude is that? Is this what you want your daughter to be a, a name brand snob? Your Daughter should be happy she has what she has and you shouldn't let her make you feel guilty and buy what she wants. It should be things that are affordable and within a budget.

  • April
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    He has a control issue problem, and from where you are, don't know how you can get around that openly. You may wish to send her things to a closer relatives house, or to one of her girlfriend's houses. The things you buy for her are between the two of you and as such, he shouldn't enter into the picture, unless of course the things you were buying were inappropriate.... but that doesn't seem to be the case. You could ask him why he so adamant about destroying your connection with here, but doubt that you would get any sort of a reasonable or sane answer. It is really too bad when one parent (your ex) uses the child as a lever against you--- not good, and especially not good for your daughter. Unless he can be made to see that, try sending things to one of her friend's houses, or to her school.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Why are they emptying out the house? Also, if he really loved his daughter he would be happy that she got gifts. He sounds very controlling to me and he also sounds like he may be jealous that you can afford these things and he cant. you need to tell him that you were just doing what your daughter wanted and trying to help her. he needs to respect that and respect the fact that you were only looking out for her best interest. I have to ask, is there any reason why you cant go to court to fight for her? It sounds like he may not be looking out for her best interest. Also, if you want to send gifts and not money then you should be able too. Sounds like he wants the cash to spend on what he wants and not what she needs..from now on if he wants cash tell him you will only send stuff not cash..

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It sounds like it's not so much what you do, but what he is not doing. Maybe he is upset that you can afford to buy nice things for her and he can't. (I don't know if that's the truth or not, but it sounds it). It's something that he can argue with you about. It sounds like he doesn't have your daughter's best interests in mind, but his. Regardless of if he is trying to empty out the house for some reason, doesn't she still need clothing? This doesn't really make all that much sense. He is just trying to make you feel bad, but don't let him. I am sure you feel bad enough not having your little girl with you on Christmas.

  • 1 decade ago

    Honey, you aren't buying those gifts for him, you are buying them for your daughter. She's getting older and she's going to start voicing her opinion on what SHE wants or doesn't want. This means it is going to be more about her and less about him...which is how it should be anyway. You are doing the right thing in listening to your daughter and thinking of her needs/wants/desires. Don't let that ex of yours dampen your intentions.

    I wish you well and rest assured, as your daughter grows, she will see through all this.

  • 1 decade ago

    Just stay the course. Honestly, he should not be dealing with you. You made the baby with her not him. Politely, tell him you are your own man and will send what you want to and if he has a problem with that then go to court and terminate your parental rights. Also let the mother know that you don't want him contacting you anymore.....you had the child with her not with him. He needs to learn his place and it's not to try and take your place.

    Source(s): Life
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Tell him it has nothing to do with him, you did this for your child and if doesn't like it, too bad. And about that cash he wants you to send, tell him you'll send him cash when he sends you some.

  • 1 decade ago

    Stop acting like a beaten down dog. What do you care what HE thinks? There's nothing you can do if he intercepts your gifts, so you have to live with that at least til the girl turns 18 and decides for herself. But in the meantime, stop whining, that's soooo unattractive.

  • 1 decade ago

    your daughter's feelings are more important, so don't let him get to your head... talk to him and tell him that it's up to your daughter to decide what she wants for christmas... and it'd still be better if you give material things to your daughter unstead of cash, coz the cash might not reach her...

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