Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

How to talk less and listen more?

I often find that I talk a lot and want to get into a habit of listening more. I read a lot and if there is a topic where I'm sure I know more.. I end up getting into arguments and being agressive sometimes. I realise one of my problems is that I think very fast and have an answer ready before the other completes it. I know this is wrong and I ahve to listen to others. Can someone help me overcome this problem in simple day to day activities

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I have the same issue. I've been considering stapling my lips together, or getting multiple piercings... Maybe I could break my jaw and get it wired or something... All I do know is that sometimes I listen well, others I can't shut up for the life of me. I've been looking for a cure for about 20 years now, so let me know if you find one!

  • Ahab
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    When someone starts talking, while trying to listen count to 20 before you speak. You could drive people away if they never get to talk. Put all your energy into listening and thinking about what people say to you. Respond directly and intelligently to what they say.

    If you are doing all the talking its kinda like standing next to a erupting volcano. Eventually others may lose interest.

  • 1 decade ago

    The problem seems to be that you have a need to 'compete' with others and define yourself with 'successes'. Of course, if someone challenges your knowledge, even if it is correct, what you feel is a challenge to your emotional identity, which is why you become agressive and arguementative.

    It's not that you think to fast or too slow, it is that you feel the need to be the 'first' to answer, because that rush of being 'correct' and being heard is privately soothing a insecurity within you.

    It could be that people have not valued you, or your opinions, much in your life. Consequently, you attempt to 'fish' for value from others, but while others see you as being pushy, you might see yourself as being needy, needing the person, to whom you are giving the answer, to respond that you are 'correct', 'right', 'good', 'smart', 'intelligent', whatever the case may be.

    People who rush to give answers are usually insecure and trying to cover it up by finding an arena by which they can form some basis of self-confidence (I used to be that way in grade school.) Being known as someone who has or knows the answer can fill that void of 'accomplishment' within us, especially if we personally can find nothing else 'good' about us.

    One way to learn to listen more is to develop more positive outlets of your self. Instead of just reading, try discovering some other things you are good at, things in which you can develop your self-esteem. It doesn't really matter what the activity is (could be hula-hooping for all I know) but expanding your emotional outlet will take the pressure off your need to be 'right'. Consequently, you will listen more often because you will no longer be in a rush to answer and be heard.

    Hope this helps.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Delay 5 seconds before each answer.

    If you have a good friend, ask him or her to point out lapses by saying "Stop!" and stop immediately.

    Others are intelligent too, and have much to contribute.

    Remind yourself that you are not learning when you are talking.

    A wise old owl,

    Lived in a oak.

    The more he heard,

    The less he spoke.

    The less he spoke,

    The more he heard.

    Why aren't we all,

    Like that old bird? - John D Rockefeller, Jr.

    It takes 23 days to establish a new habit.

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  • Lorie
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    More like the other way around.. Haha. So, no. I listen too much and talk less.

  • 1 decade ago

    I have gotten in more trouble over this....so far no help. Except time and wisdom seep into your life over a long period. Plus, you actually do learn when you take the time to listen. Books are great, people are better.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think you get too hyped up about the subject and you can't help it. It might help if you learn to relax a little.

  • 1 decade ago

    why dont you try biting your tongue.... or next time you're going to say something that you are not supose to say, think about how the other person is going to react

  • 1 decade ago

    O boy, I'm glad I'm not the only one!!

  • 1 decade ago

    Don't change...use those skills you have and become a layer.

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