I am a single mom of three daughters, and I started dating a single father of two boys.any advice?..?

This man is a wonderful person from my Jr. high years, and we became in touch again after 16yrs and found each other to be in simalar situations. His two boys both have emotional issues broughht on by neglect and abuse from their mother, who only has 8hrs a week visitation. My three girls are such great kids and I want to know if I should even persue this relationship, because the girls and I have already been through emotional uproar, due to their father leaving when I was 5 months pregnant with my youngest. They all are very angry and do not want me around men. They have said, they are afraid of seeing me cry or get yelled at. They are so very protective of me.

I really Love this man I am seeing!! He has a great heart and is concerned with all five kids and their issues they may have with the idea of living together as a family.

Should I just back off and give my kids my full attention? Is my happiness worth the relationship I have with my kids? And is this healthy for his boys?

13 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Make sure one of you has a large van!

  • 1 decade ago

    As a MOM .. YOU are no longer the important part of the picture. The kids are. Recently in San Antonio a "boyfriend" was arrested and charged with the murder of an infant. The Mom said.. I was only gone for a couple minutes. This is a huge example of what your kids are concerned with. You have already been hurt and by that token so have they. IF your kids are not ready, then you are not....

    BUT.....

    That does NOT mean you have to stop seeing this guy. It means you have to take things VERY slow. Go on family outtings. Make everything FAMILY centered. Let your kids see you laughing and happy and after a while they will relax a bit too. Watch your kids and his. See how they inter react to eachother, both when you are there and when you are not there. Watch your kids and see how they are around him.

    There is an old saying.. or I just made it up I dont remember which...

    Dont read just the first page.

    It means you can not go on first impressions. While lasting they are normaly wrong. IF your kids get upset about something remember that they have been thru a lot and it may not be what they are really mad about. Small children make a great example. When a three year old gets mad because the meal is not to her likeing, even tho it is exactly what she asked for... could be she changed her mind, or didnt have a nap and is just cranky. Older kids are harder to read, but you still have to read them to get things right.

    Good Luck and remember... FAMILY

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    How old are your daughters? I think that you should remain friends with this man. I was in the same position as your daughters, so I know how it feels to be protective and how it feels to have your mother start dating once again. I think you should sit down and talk to your daughters openly about this and see how they feel before you pursue anything. I know that it is your life and you deserve to be happy too and try to love again, however, you and your daughters have been through a lot and the best thing to do is go slow. You want to give them a good example. What would you want your daughter to do if she was in your position? On the other hand, if it all works all well, having two parents even if one of them is a step parent may be beneficial in the long run. I recomend you speak to a family psychologist, or do some research about cases such as this involving child development, divorce, etc. before you make any drastic changes. It is only fair for your daughters and yourself, and this new guy and his boys. Use all the resources out there to help you make this decision. But first, please speak to your daughters and get a sense of what their needs are and how they feel. And take their opinion very seriously. It will show that you do care and value what they say. Trust me, as you know you cannot 100% rely and give up things for a partner, your daughters need you the most right now. When in doubt, take it slow and communicate with those that will be affected. Good Luck!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    no, don't devote yourself to your kids absolutely, as i am sure you are already a wonderful mother, who was able to brought up 3 kids alone. But there should be something in your life that could make you happy. It sounds like the man you have can be a good help for you and together you probably will be able to do a lot to make your kids life better. Enjoy your relationship, but just don't allow yourself to be too deep emotionally in it, in case if you afraid to be hurt. Do not forget that you are not just a wonderful mother, but also a woman.

    There should be a man near you!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Ok lets see I have advice I think you should be with this man and take it step by step ... Explain to your children that they could live in a better home that they could feel safe in... well if you do plan on living together just have some days where he takes his kids for a couple of hours here and there so they could have space and take your kids to a place where you could talk and have space..explain to them that you love this man and that it doesnt mean you will abanded them .... I think you should be happy to and I also think his childern need an other mother who could care for them

    I really hope my advise helped

    Source(s): follow your heart ... It seems to me that you earned this man
  • 1 decade ago

    You're the Momma, you have to make the decision first, then give them time to get used to it. If there are any really strong and GOOD reasons for you not to get together they will come out "in the wash", so to speak. If he really loves you and he is worth it, he will be willing to go slow. You owe it to your girls not to rush things. About his boys, things aren't always as they seem. He says their Mom caused the problems, and you see she is out of the picture, but in my experience it is usually the most manipulative parent who gets the other restricted. Talk privately with each of his boys for the real picture. Make sure you don't seem to be prying. Just give them an opportunity to talk about how "things used to be", and how they would like things to be in the future. Good Luck, and get a really big house : )

  • Joe C
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I'm generally not a fan of divorce, and then remarriages from broken homes as a result. There has to be unfaithfulness involved on the part of the other spouses, for it to be legit. You do sound like you have some sincerity, but I would want to know more about the specifics.

  • 1 decade ago

    it's really hard choosing between yourself and your children, because if your decision is wrong, it may affect not only your own family even your perspective in life. For me, I don't agree if you marry again because God has a divine law that if He put together man and woman, nothing can separate them. Try again to analyze and observe your feelings. Maybe God is trying to test you. But If you really love him and the kids had no objections regarding your relationship and you can work all things out, then that's it. God bless! I hope my answer helps...

    -sarah, Philippines

  • 1 decade ago

    u both have some thing that u could give to each other . u could help his kids and he could be a dad for ur kids .follow ur heart and instink. its meant to be or u would never find him after 16 years its DESTINY DESTINY

    i got goosebump reading this u'll be a perfect mom and h'll be a very good caring dad

    Source(s): life is short give ur self and kids a good gift LOVE
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    This could be your future hubby-if it's good-don't ruin it, this could be the beginning of a happy life. Yes, there will be tough times, but he will be there and you will be there for him-to help each other out in the tough times. Good luck.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    My kid likes having me to herself. I let up on the affection around her and keep it light and causal... i won't be with a man she wont' approve of... but at the same time, I won't let her keep me from having a man....

    As for his boys, do you think that their emotional problems would affect your daughters?

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