Is it healthy for the relationship to deal with problems by distancing yourself from your partner?
If my girl and I have a problem she always wants to not talk about it and tell me how she is feeling and I always want to get to the bottom of it. She will not say a word and I feel like I need to solve it or our relationship will be over. I know that it is extreme but I just feel like if I leave her mad at me that she wont get over it and tell me to take a hike. I know that Im not making it any better by nagging her to talk to me about our problems.
- sarabmwLv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
I personally find it easier and better for me to step away from a problem for a day or less to think things over and work things out in my mind, if not, I usually say things I don't mean out of anger or I make decisions that I wouldn't have made if I thought it out, sometimes it is better to have a little space away from each other before handling a problem. This does work for me.
- 1 decade ago
That is a tricky question, because every person is different. However, from a general standpoint. If she wants to be mad...let her be mad. If she doesn't want to talk it out. Don't forcer her too. You will just make her feel pressured and like you want to control the whole situation. So that is her way of staying in control of herself by not letting you in. That is also her way of not having to deal with a very uncomfortable situation that is going to turn into an emotional melt down. In other words, a safe bet to keep from getting her feelings hurt. If you just give her her space, no matter how hard it is at the time, eventually she will notice that you aren't paying that much attention to her being mad. At this point she will take notice and not see it as a bunch of drama. She will realize that you two need to come together and fix things to make both of you feel better about the relationship. Don't ignore her, just don't force the issue. Eventually she won't be afraid to talk with you about things, because there will be no fear of anyone becomming more angry or falling apart over everything. If this doesn't work...then you might want to consider ending the relationship. Oh and remember! These new changes don't change everything over night. It takes time for them to work...Patience is a virtue.
- 1 decade ago
Talking about a problem to remedy an issue is always a good idea. But, you can't force someone to open up to you, it has to be their choice. I understand this issue because my husband was the same way. He would rather just "get over it" instead of deal with it.
So, as a person who has overcome this in my relationship, I would advise you to pic your battles. If there is something that comes up a lot and the severity of anger gets worse, then by all means you need to deal with it. BUT, if it's just little stuff that can be easily overlooked...then ust let it go.
My husband doesn't want to talk over every little thing, he says it's exhausting and it drives him crazy. So, now I just pick and choose what worth the battle to get him to talk.
Also, sometimes it's best to wait a day or two until it's not such a raw issue. When you, or she, isn't MAD anymore and can talk in a calm tone and without getting flustered again....you're much more likely to be able to work things out and be rational while doing it.
Communication in a relationship takes some practice and patience.
Good Luck and Merry Christmas!
- heart o' goldLv 71 decade ago
Men and women (in general) think differently and have different communication styles.
When women have a problem they like to talk about it, really to explore it verbally, but they aren't necessarily looking for an answer or solution. Two women together can talk about all the aspects of a problem for hours, without getting focused on an immediate solution.
When men have a problem that they bring up, it's because they are looking for advice on a solution and they appreciate advice and suggestions on how to solve without necessarily turning the problems all around and exploring all aspects verbally. They want to 'fix' it and move on.
Of course, this is all in very general terms, everyone is different.
Your girl may be wanting to talk and explore the problem, and may be uncomfortable with your drive to 'fix' it. Try just talking and exploring the problem with her, rather than focusing on fixing it and see how that goes.
If this is interesting to you, Deborah Tanner has a great book with a dumb title "You Just Don't Understand" that goes into male and female communication styles in great depth.
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- 2sweet4uLv 41 decade ago
It's good to distant yourself if an argument gets heated and if you continuously argue. Because sometimes that could escalate to something physical. But you do need to find a way of communicating with each other because that is the center of any relationship. I know exactly how you feel because it's not good to leave each other mad but at the same time as i said if it's heated then someone needs to walk away for awhile until y'all can talk calmly. Good Luck!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
No, it's not healthy at all.
As much as it's difficult, couples should try to talk about the problem when it surfaces. Sometimes it feels nice to run away and distance yourself from the pain but, you only end up hurting your relationship.
Problems get solved quicker and less painfully when they are openly talked about.
- 1 decade ago
dude i do the same thing to my husband when he gets mad he never wants to talk about any of his problems but i push him to sometimes but others i just leave it alone it really just depends on what she his mad about but to tell u the truth i belive that people should talk about there probelms right then and not wait because all its gonna do is they are gonna have to bring it back up and get mad over it all again
- ?Lv 41 decade ago
No, you aren't making it any better, but you do need to deal with issues as soon as they arise if its going to work.
Try talking to her when she calms down. I don't like to talk when I get mad. Maybe she's the same.
- Lady JLv 41 decade ago
It's best to talk it out. Even if it seems small to her, it may be a big deal to you. If she's going to distance herself, then it's not healthy. A relationship is a partnership.
- NicknameLv 61 decade ago
Wow, a female who doesn't want to talk! Your lucky. Sounds to me like you need to find a more mature woman.