Do I fly overseas on the 22nd to be with my fiancee and her dying mother or do I stay at home for x-mas?

My own mother separated recently after 31 years of marriage and this will be her first x-mas without her husband. I could leave on the 26th to be with my fiancee but my mother-in-law could pass away at any given moment and I want to be there for her. My instinct is to go on the 22nd but my mother is crushed that I wouldn't be spending x-mas with her. She has got lots of family to spend x-mas with on the other hand. Should I go on the 22nd or 26th? I am flying from YOW or YUL to BHX. THANK a bunch!

Update:

Thank you all for your answers. Although my mom is going through one of the worst times of her life, I have to follow my heart and do what's best for the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I've got many more x-mases with my mother and she is getting support from other family members. She has relied on me quite a bit for emotional support but I now have to do what is best for my fiancee and I. Thanks to you all for your answers. I've now booked a flight leaving on the 22nd and will be coming back in time to spend new years with my mother.

17 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It really stinks that you're stuck in this dilemma. I do have to agree with others when they say go. Your fiancee' will need you. You can celebrate Christmas with your mother when you get back.

    Ultimately you need to talk to your fiancee'. What are her wishes. Christmas is collectively celebrated on Dec. 25th. But all in all it is a day. It is only written in stone to the government, and even they change it depending on their needs. Your mother may be disappointed, but she needs to let you be there for your future wife. She would have done the same in your shoes, Other wise you wouldn't be so conflicted. I am sorry for your mom, that has to be hard. She won't be alone for the holidays, you should be were you're truly needed. Does your mom really want your fiancee' to face this alone? Your mom loves you, but I think she will be proud of her son for standing by the woman who will be his wife.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    We all have to cope with the reality at hand! Your mother is an adult who can sort out her own issues, whether they be emotionally straining or not. She is dealing with a mere separation (situation she directly of indirectly caused) in comparison to the physical loss of a loved one (situation which your fiancee did not cause). As your fiancee, I believe she has the priority. She needs the moral support of the man she has decided to spend the rest of her life with. If you are not there for her in a dire time of need it really doesn't set a very clear precedent of your commitment towards her. Your mom, will have the support of the rest of the family and besides you are not leaving forever.

    I don't want to be misconstrued as being insensitive towards your mother's needs, but you see where I'm coming from, don't you?

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I know this is difficult but my vote is for you to go. Yes your mother needs support at this time but as you said your mother has family she can be with. Although you are not yet married to your fiance that fact that you are engaged indicates that you plan to be with her and be a family of your own. The two of you will most likely face more difficult situations down the line. Show her now how she will be able to rely on you during the worst times in the future.

  • 1 decade ago

    Tough spot dude. I would stay with my mom. But keep in daily contact with the fiance. While her mother COULD die at any moment, it is possible she may not too. However, if things go south and she does pass while you are waiting to fly out on the 26th, I would be ready to fly out as soon as that word comes in, if it does.

    Hopefully your fiancee will understand your plight with your mother, and your mother should certainly understand the circumstances with your fiancee.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Your first thought at this point is your Mother. She has lost the man she loved... this is an extremely emotional time for her. You are not married and your fiance's mother does not have more importance than your own mother. She gave you life, brought you up and took care of you.

    It would not be a great sacrifice to stay with her this 1st Christmas.

    Your fiance is with her mother in her time of need, and you should be with yours in her time of need.

    If something happens to your m-in-law, then you and your fiancee will have time to deal with the loss when she gets back.

    This is a time when each child is going to be tested for their love and compassion towards their mother...... be there for yours, she deserves it.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If your mom has other people to be with you should go be with your fiancee. It would mean a lot to her. Maybe do something special with you mom before you leave. It sounds like you really want to be with you fiancee as soon as possible. I think you'll be happier with yourself if you go on the 22nd. You could spend New Year's Eve with you mom instead.

  • 1 decade ago

    Go on the 22 to be with your fiance. It sounds like this may be her last Christmas with her mother. You will hopefully have many more with your mother, and although this may be a difficult time for your mom, her life isn't ending, her marriage is.

  • 1 decade ago

    If you really care about your fiance, I think you should go. I was recently in a bad car accident and my significant other was there, but not like he should have been. And we couldn't get past that. I needed him and he wasn't there. She needs you and if you're not there, it could change your relationship with her in a negative way. It sounds like your mom has people who love her that she can be with. If it were an option at all - maybe she could go along? But if not, I think she will understand. As a mom, she may seem upset but she'll understand that if it were her, she would want you to be there and your fiance to be there for you. Good luck with it all.

  • 1 decade ago

    If you want to marry your fiancee then you leave on the 22nd to be with her and her dying mother. If your mother can't respect this decision then thats just too bad.

  • 1 decade ago

    The fact that you even have to ask this question sends red flags as to the long term survivablity of this relationship. I understand you love your mother but she has her own life and you are not her security blanket. Stay home if you are planning on spending the rest of your life with your mother. If not, start packing.

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