Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

My life is going down the drain?

This is going to be a long one, but please, please listen, I REALLY need help:

I hate to go on complain mode again, but I feel like I need to get this off my chest, nobody else is listening, maybe you guys can help. I was just thinking about unfair life is in general, especially to me. I'm a very nice person and I almost always try my best to be nice to others and treat them with respect, but I just feel like I don't deserve all of the bad things in my life. Let me list them:

* Not only am I ugly ( and have had people make comments), but I have a bad body shape.

* I have never met my father or anyone on his side of the family

* It's just my mum and lil bro, so we can't afford much ( new clothes, mp3 players, cell phones etc) WE"VE NEVER EVEN HAD A CAR!!

* I only have 1 friend ( Thank God she's a good one)

* I used to get teased really bad in gr.7 and 8 and I havn't been the same since, I was always quiet to a degree, but now I'm even more so, plus I'm very nervous

* Nobody pays any attention to me in school

* None of my family likes me and they're not involved, plus, my good old mum had kinda turned them against me

I know self-pity isn't good, but I can't help it, this is all too much. I just don't feel like I've done anything to deserve all this. I;m not saying I expect life to be perfect and I could certainly deal with most of those things alone, but having it all together? That's a whole other story? WHY ME??? Why couldn't it have been someone else? I see beautiful girls at my school and I'm not saying they don't have problems, but they're not to the extreme of mine and at least they look good. The thing is, they treat people like dirt, act high n' mighty and are generally very shallow. I don't understand why the people who actually deserve these things get let off the hook and people like me, who are always compassionate and rescpectul pay the proce.Now please don't go on with the " Looks don't matter" speech, because it's time for us all to cut the bull **** and open our eyes to the fact that they matter a lot. They shouldn't, but they do. Nice looking people are generally treated with more respect, have more friends and get farther in life. They say every dog has his day, do you think I'll have mine? Please help!!!

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    America is famous for its people who've managed to overcome odds like yours. There is no question that life isn't fair, the pretty ones do get the breaks, but at the end of the day, intelligence and compassion wins out. Don't lose yours, those are your best chances of making a good life for yourself.

  • 4 years ago

    I can sympathise as my sex drive's all over the place. I'll go through a couple of weeks where I'll want sex every day and then for the next month I'd pass up sex for a cup of tea etc. I'd advise you to try spicing things up a bit - I'm sure your boyfriend won't object! Try tying each other up (make sure you have a 'safe word' that either of you can say to 'stop', though, if you're trying anything like this for the first time) or handcuffing each other. Or, if that's not your thing, you could try looking online for sex games. Or try eating things off each other or talking dirty or role playing...there are loads of options. Or if you just want to make yourself more in the mood you can find erotic literature online to read first or you guys could watch porn together before you start anything. Just a few suggestions. Hope something helps get the spark back for you.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    OK so your not popular big deal at least you have that one friend tha many people don't even have. The money situation is a problem but it also has a solution. get a part time job somewhere. then in a couple of months you will have plenty to spent for your self. I use to be that way. fat n ugly. heck i still am but i changed my look from a depressed unnoticeable to a funny, thuggy girl who just likes to have fun. Now I have many friends that I love and cherish. But its not like I'm trying to be someone I'm not. Now everybody notices me as oh that Scarface Lover. that's fine cuz it gives me a chance to hang a lot of HOT Hispanics and other guys. Just find something you like and make it your identity. Don't be like an emo or something. Another way to make friends is by joining a club. I have made tons of friends by joining the French club at my school. Just feel free and make funny comments. who doesn't like a comedian. I cant help you with your family situation because I Thank the LORD for my loving and caring family and cant imagine them being any other way.

    HOPE THAT HELPS

  • Dabidu
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Completely agreed to what you said. Like the first poster, id give you a hug if i could. Heres not so much of a 'same' story, but maybe it may help.

    I definitely know what it meant to be ugly, and see that society itself places a high value on good looks, sad to say. I used to be teased and called ugly all the way up to lower high school (7th grade or so). People really do give you a whole lotta crap for not being attractive and it sucks - rejection, lack of attention, looking down on you,etc. Ive learned not to blame them though as sometimes its just because they're ignorant to it.

    Things changed dramatically after 7th grade though, puberty hit in and i had a free haircut from a stylist friend of mom. Oh boy, suddenly im considered hot, and you'd think its a fairy tale story, but the damage has been done and now im rather well, insecuree and confused to be honest. Imagine having people who disliked you suddenly giving you attention for shallow reasons. I doubt i'll ever get used to it. (sorry, if this doesnt help, more of it is just to make a point)

    All i can advice you to do, and what has helped me though, is theat you dont have to take any of this crap. It may be hard, but ive learned to be thankful for whatever comes and to stay positive, else then you'd really be in the rut. Exercise, go to places where you may find people who wont judge you (youth groups may be good), and if things get too hard - TALK TO SOMEONE ! It helps like crazy. Ive learned to talk to even people online or a counsellor.

    Books, therapy (its not only for crazy people, i believe everyone should go to one once in a while), maybe even religion if your religious,etc can help your self-worth/self-asteem and that is more important than anything !

    Also, try to go help out in those charities/organizations that help needy/poor/disabled/terminally ill,etc people. This helped alot. By bringing myself down to these levels and seeing how bad things are for them, it made me feel i am AT LEAST, abit better off. Sometimes changing your perspectives on what is more worse off can help you appreciate yours abit better.

    Gluck, and stay strong. Youre not alone, and i believe you'll find more friends.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You have friends here. Your not alone. Let this be your "haven."

    All things in life are temporary. Your childhood will only last for so long. Then, "you will have the control" over your environment.

    In the mean-time:

    The "mind" is something that is NOT at the mercy of anyone. You can wield it; use this wonderful tool to your advantage!

    Work on your grades, go to college. Be great at whatever you do!

    The pretty girls at your school? Well, don't worry about them. Maybe, this is their time to ride on the "high-horse." But, in reality this is only for a very short time. Trust me, they will be ugly in their 30's, when you are just blossoming! Then, it's your turn.

    I understand that sometimes "reality" seems-Just the "right now" in life. But, there's a much larger picture- Your future. Concentrate on this.

    Use your "niceness and compassion"-volunteer at shelters, nursing homes, Hospitals. You were given this gift for a reason. Use it in the best way possible for you.

    Best of luck to you, and I look forward to your "new future."

  • 1 decade ago

    I hope you feel better. Sometimes life does take a toll on us all. You just have to work through it. In your teenage years they seem the most extreme and it hangs with you in your adult stage. (Unfortunately) Anyways, you just have to make the best of it. Express it to your friend how important she is to you. Them friends are a keeper for sure. Things will get better you just need to keep an upper lip. Don't beat yourself up so bad. Enjoy what you have and forget about everyone else. Take care of yourself and never mind them pretty girls. There will be some day it will be your turn. Just be ready for it. You sound like an intelligent individual. Things will get better with time. Even in my adult stage I feel this way. I don't care I think of it this way if they don't' want to get to know me then they are missing out not me! Just don't give them any time or effort and take care of yourself. You are the most important person in your life and that's it. Good luck and Happy holidays!

  • 1 decade ago

    You need to see a therapist!!! You need to find someone to pour your heart out to . I don't understand why you would put yourself out there like this on the internet. That is pretty private stuff. I am sorry you are going through all that and believe me when I say that I can relate to alot of what you said. You need to find your beauty with in yourself. You seem to have wrapped your self worth in what others think of you and that is going to lead to a very depressed life. YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE. Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself you are beautiful. You won't believe it at first but after a while you will start believeing it. Start writting a journal instead of pouring you soul out to shallow people on the internet. You have opened the door to leave yourself vulnerable. Good luck with your life and I hope you can find your happiness within your self rather than things outside yourself.

  • 1 decade ago

    Try to be positive and count the good ones instead..

    1. You may be ugly, but you are HEALTHY!

    2. You have never met your father, but you are not in street!

    3. You don't have a CAR, but you can still walk! (many are cripples with cars, do you think they want cars instead!?)

    4. Be thankful you have a good friend!

    5.You get teased because people think you EXIST!

    6.Attention was paid by "TEASING"

    7. You are still living in the HOUSE although may not seem like a family to you.

    Stay positive, perhaps, you will see more good things in your life!

  • 1 decade ago

    A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

    As I was walking down the street the other day,

    I met a man and this is what he had to say

    I've lost my job, my life's a mess

    If I die today, I'd care less

    what's so big about this thing called life?

    just last week, I lost my wife

    I turned to him and then I said

    let me tell you about a man named Fred

    he's lost his legs and cannot walk

    and since his stroke, he could barely talk

    and you should meet his wife named Sue

    she's so distraught, she don't know what to do

    she waits every day for an answer

    to her illness, they call it Cancer

    so maybe your life isn't so bad

    stop your self pity and being sad

    because there are many people who

    are a lot worse off than me and you.

  • 1 decade ago

    ok.....

    I'm sorry your life seems to suck, but hang in there ok.

    First of all... count your blessings. you're talking about not being beautiful and popular--can you walk? do you have a brain and two hands you can use? are you fairly healthy? here is just ONE kid who would love to have that: http://www.sickkidsfoundation.com/OurKids/jack.asp

    all right?

    Second: I'm sorry you've never met your dad, but you've got your mum and one good friend. THAT is something to be thankful for. Try to be a friend to others at school--you might be surprised. You know, it sounds like you spend all your time watching the beautiful people at school and wanting to be them. Take your eyes off them (shallow folks who might just spend the rest of their lives wishing they were once again in HIGHSCHOOL--how lame is that?) and look around--I bet you for every popular girl there are ten who are lonely just like you. Skip the 'in' group--find some people you actually have things in common with-- ha, even if its only disliking the popular kids. people like people who are interested in them.

    remember this: "beautiful young people are works of nature, beautiful old people are works of art"

    don't hold all this bitterness in yourself. it really will eat away at your like corrosive acid. ok, so you're not Angelina Jolie/et al. me either. Am I beautiful, not so much. is my body perfect? no. But I have a few good friends, a job I care about, and my self-respect. I also have faith in a God who says I am beautiful and that He made me for a purpose on earth.

    I don't say that to throw a Christian angle on you at the last minute, but its part of what helps me believe that I have worth on this earth when the world says otherwise.

    Hang in there sister, ok? you have today--that's all any of us get. Mother Theresa (well, in her day) and Brittany Spears alike.

    God bless

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