Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

anybody have suggestions to help me feel more comfortable around people?

I am 35 years old...I have one friend and I have known him for 12 years...it takes me a long time to warm up to people....I am so shy around groups of people that I actually have panic attacks... I seem to do ok if I am just one on one but even then unless I get asked a question directly I can't speak..the problem I am having is I recently moved to a new town..I moved away from my best friend and moved here to be with my fiance as he grew up here and had a good job etc... anyway the problem I am having is he is extremely popular...he has a ton of friends...they are always getting together for parties and football on sunday and cards and everything..I always end up in the bathroom with a panic attack... my fiance doesn't know how to help me and he wants to stop going out if it will help me.. I don't want him to give that up for me.... I want so bad to be a part of his life but I don't know how any suggestions?

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  • Eds
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    This happens to a lot of people. It will take time but you can take care of this over time. BEGIN by looking in the group of people that he is with and choose ONE PERSON that looks friendly. Talk ONLY with that person. Ask them a couple of simple (MEMORIZED) questions like...

    "What is your favorite sport?"

    "How long have you known X (your boyfriend)?"

    "What year did you graduate?"

    THEN...

    Answer any question that they ask or continue the conversation from the previous question. After you are comfortable doing this at several gatherings, begin moving around and choose two or three people and do the same thing that you did with one person. This is something that YOU can conquer! I have faith in you. I believe that you want to get help or you would not be searching for it now. You might also begin reading the Bible every evening. This gives me so much hope and enjoyment!

    Eds

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It happens to many people, though yours is on the high side. At 35 and in a new environment you are still like that? I think it's high time you take the bull by the horn. there are things that you can do to boost your confidence level, read a lot to acquire some current affairs knowlegde and also go deep into football so that when they speak your knowlegde will be able to support you. Drop any inferiority complex, you are a human being like any other no one should keep you down and more importantly don't keep yourself down.you should have also taken advantage of the fact that you moved into a new place to change all that afterall nobody knew you there.

  • 1 decade ago

    You really need to go get some professional help with this one. Your panic attacks are likely based on irrational fears that you either do not recognize, or have repressed. There certainly are a lot of shy people in this world that don't like to be around large groups of people, but there is a difference between uncomfortable, and having a panic attack. If you really want to improve on this, you really should find a professional in the field to help you with some strategies to overcome this.

  • 1 decade ago

    Ouch, and moving to a new town and all the changes don't help your situation. I'm really shy, too. I found it helps to have a group of people who are interested in the same thing I am (for me book groups, writing groups), then make friends there. At least we'll have something in common to talk about while we're warming up to each other.

    If he stops going out to help you, it'll create resentment.

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  • 1 decade ago

    find a good friend in his circle. he or she should understand your problem well. the right person woould not ask many questions but sit next to you very close to you and just take care of you. if you find another one in the group with same mood as you (Avoid talking, mixing) you will feel comfortable

  • 1 decade ago

    I can relate... if you can't redirect your mind and calm yourself down on your own , then a DR.'s help would be benificial.There are many medications for this.Alot of people suffer from this-you are not alone.I do know the more you isolate the worse it will get.

  • i had that same problem.............all i can say is Paxil cr helped me and my soicial phobia. Look into, it's helped me tremendously~~~!!

    and I didn't have this phobia until I got promoted and had to attend meetings where I was going tobe called upon. Now, I am GREAT!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    yes i think you should !

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  • 1 decade ago

    don't eat beans or cabbage.........

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