Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

How do i get my husband to want to spend time with me and and want to actually come home?

my husband always goes out with his friends he is never home i always beg him to stay home with my. He always tells me he loves me but he dont act it what do i do please help

Update:

i cant go with him have 3 children thats why it agarvates me so much cause i am always home with the children and never have a babysitter and he knows that we cant get one

Update 2:

ok let put put this a little better i have a 23 year old husband i am 22 we have 3 kids together he goes out whenever he wants. He went on a snomobile trick for a weekend and always goes out with his friends i CANT do any thing i want to do when i ask when my turn is he tells me never dont know if hes kidding or not could be but please help.

Update 3:

oh yeah and by the way SEX is not an issue sometimes i think thats the only reason im with him

Update 4:

besides the kids anyways

20 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Ok here is my advice to you!

    Listen carefully,

    You are very much young, and you have the right to have fun as well, he should be more considered with you, after all he help making those t2 kids with you. Here are things you can try to do!

    1) If you have family, ask them if they can take care of the kids, for free or small fee.

    2) Talk to your husband and lay the rules, tell him you are both young and you both in the same boat, that if he wants to go out w his friends so do you, so plan 1 day for you and one for him, and if you work n he does to split the baby sitting bill for that day, so that way u could go w him or go out on your own tha same day.

    3) Buy a pilates video and do it at home, it helps your body to get fit, n it can relax u as well.

    4) now 1 month you both can have a romantic night, cook something good that he likes, but warm oils to give him a back massage, n buy so wip cream or chocolate syrup, which ever he likes the most, and make it a hot night in your room, buy tea lights( its very cheap to buy those) and wear something sexy, cover his eyes with a fabric n do wonders on him! then make him do wonders to you!

    5)Also, do pignic for his friends, with drinks and stuff so they can comer, Sunday its footbal night they will love to be feed n drink while they watch football that way you are with them as well, maybe play poker also.

    6) Take a nice buble bath if you can once a week, make the kids go to bed early and drink a glass of wine!

    Hope this helps!!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    First find out if he is really out with his freinds... If that is the case then take an honest look at what may be going on that he doesn't want to be home.. and work to change it. Do you hit him with all the problems of your day as soon as he walks in the door? Just generally negative and dour in your outlook? When is the last time you two were intimate and I don't necessarily mean sex.. Snuggling on the couch in front of a movie afeter the kids have gone to bed can be more intimate then a 5 minute session between the sheets. Plan family activities that you can all share.

    If a person has a reason to want to be home then they will

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  • helly
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    You are both still very young, and 3 children at that age is a big responsibility. It sounds like the reality of the situation has started to hit home for your husband, and he is trying to go out and have the fun he feels he missed out on by getting married and having kids so young.

    This is an understandable reaction, but of course, it isn't fair on you. I am guessing here that most of his friends aren't married, and don't have kids like he does. He could well feel that he has thrown his best years away by settling down so early in life. I could be wrong, of course, but this is my guess.

    This might sound a bit controversial, but my advice is to actually let him go. Don't moan to him about it, don't make a fuss, just smile and tell him to have a nice time. In the meantime, work hard on yourself. Make sure the house is tidy, clean, and cook his dinner, etc. Make yourself look gorgeous all the time. Be the perfect wife, however much you might resent him underneath. I know this probably sounds outrageous to you (and others). The thing is, nagging him will drive him further out the door. The more you moan, the less he will want to come home.

    Make your home and you something he really looks forward to seeing at the end of every day, instead of him dreading walking in the door and getting moaned at. Make him look forward to seeing his sexy wife waiting for him, who has been working hard all day taking care of his lovely kids, and keeping his home beautiful. It all sounds really old-school, and chauvenistic, but this will make him reconsider his ways, trust me. If you make the home an appealing place to be, he will want to be there. When he is with you, tell him how gorgeous and sexy he is, and what you would like to do to him when the kids are in bed. Send him sexy text messages when he is at work. Buy him little gifts.

    Let him know that being with you is really the best thing ever. His friends will be jealous of his lovely home life, and if he does go out, he'll be bragging to his friends about his wonderful wife.

    As for you, once you have been doing this for a while, try to get maybe one night a week where he stays in with the kids and you go out with your friends. Also, if you can't get a babysitter, (I suggest you try starting a babysitting circle with other local mothers), set aside an evening in together where you cook him a romantic candlelit meal followed by an early night.

    Source(s): I have been there, and this really works!
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  • 1 decade ago

    I am sorry to tell you but you have married a self absorbed jerk that does not care how you feel. Have a talk with him about how either he will change and be a husband and father or he can go to court and find out ow much child support he will have to pay when the divorce is final. Stand up to him and let him know you have a back bone and you don't have to have him to live alone you can do that with out having to take care of him. I love my wife and child, we always make time for each other as well as time alone or with our friends. Marriage is about a lot of things but you must have some compromise to be successful in it.

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  • Nancy
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    He has been affected no doubt by serving over there. I would give him some to to get adjusted. His response that you have the rest of your lives to spend together was not the greatest reply. Hopefully, he comes around after the birth of your child. I hope your marriage can last. I'll bet lots of war veteran's end up divorced. It's a shame when that happens. Hopefully you grow old together & enjoy each other's company. Congratulations on the baby! Be a good parent.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Start doing your own thing. Go out with friends, go shopping, the movies. Make a life for yourself and don't count on him to make you happy. Stop pressuring him to be with you and he might actually want to spend time with you. If it continues to bother you let him know EXACTLY why it bothers you and how you feel. If he still ignores you then you'll know he doesn't give a rats !@# what you feel or think.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Find some girlfriends with kids and start going out with them. You can get together for babysitting and he might start to realize what he is doing. Worst case, you will get some new friends.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Figure out what drives him to be with his friends and top it. Catch a movie? Walks in the Mall? Things that you two can share. Good luck.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Don't stay home -- go out with him. Make his friends your friends too. The more time you spend together, the closer you will feel to each other.

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  • 1 decade ago

    how old is he?? that always helps when asking opinons,

    telling about your home life, sex life, other stuff helps too,

    I would stock a full bar,, get a bar maid outfit and tell him you have every beer he could need right there, get a big screen tv or several so he can watch several games, get a deep fryer for wings and onion rings, burgers French fries,

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