errr asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

standing up for oneself?

How do you stand up for yourself, without being rude? If you don't know if someone is joking when they say something that sounds a bit rough, how can you be self-respecting without looking like you've ost your cool? etc etc etc.

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  • 1 decade ago
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    I'm actually trying to get better at this myself, in my opinion there's a few ways you can handle it. It's better to not show that it upset you because that actually gives them power over you. You can matter of factly say that you don't really appreciate the way they're speaking to you or that you find that disrespectful, put it in your own words. Another way is coming back with a bit of a joke but one that kind of shows that your serious. Here's an example: A guy pinches your but that you just met, you don't like it, so you say "My mother always taught me to turn the other cheek" but then walk away, or you could then seriously say that you'd like them not to do it again. This way you don't look like your too boring. The message that gets across is, I'm knowledgeable (my mother taught me about ppl like you or something along those lines) but I'm also confident so don't try things like that on me again thank you very much! The way you say it obviously changes the meaning of it, so choosing how you speak to ppl helps as well.

    Source(s): I actually got that example from a book called I'm OK, You're ok by Thomas Harris. It's a pretty old book, not extremely relevant but could be very usefull to you.
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It's Ok to loose your cool at times.. it shows passion.. but in general use a lot of logic and intelligence when debating and argueing.. this will earn you respect from people..

    Those who argue using trivalities and news stories as their only backup.. tend ot live a life of blissful ignorance.. why even be bothered what those people think of you?? just avoid even arguing with them about anything because those people called the middle class are often very fixed within their narrow views..

    The good thing is.. if you earn a reputation for always being truthful, always being clear, concise and correct in your logic.. then people will not only respect you but will wait on your words purely out of fear that they will say something stupid.. this is called being respected.. and once you get it.. if you don't abuse it (as most do) you can actually get very far in life with it, and the many friends you will have, on your side..

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  • 1 decade ago

    I don't think there is one method that works in all situations. I think you need to look at the situation (are you at a party? are you with people you know well? are you in a setting where open debate is invited?) and carefully choose your language.

    Having said that: One method that might work well in all situations is to quickly change the topic of conversation. In a very subtle way, it'll let others know that you were not comfortable with the most recent comments made. Of course, this might be too subtle for others to "get it" (and I imagine the people that made the offending remarks will be the last to "get it") so you might have to do this repeatedly. Ultimately, if people just aren't "getting it", you can either politely say you don't want to talk about this anymore or leave.

    Source(s): "The Fine Art of Small Talk" by Debra Fine.
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  • 1 decade ago

    You say "that sounds a bit rough and I don't like it so lay off" If your standing up for yourself you just tell it like it is. Some people freak out and some people get it. If you always say what you mean and be honest then it doesn't really matter if people think you are rude does it? I hope that helps but some people plain don't like me because I tell it like it is. But I can certainly do without those people. I hope that helps!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Well if he is your friend, and the joke really offend you.. Like really!

    Then just stop and get in a serious tune of voice and say "not funny", you can put dude in it to soften the blow... A lot of people just tell jokes to have fun or get attention and then get carried away with it..

    If it's just a minor joke that wasn't funny but didn't really offend you much such scoff at his joke.. Just sort of ignore it and give him a scoff.. Like "heh"... No laughing, no smiling, just a scoff.. That will tell him he's telling the wrong kind of jokes..

    Standing up for yourself if you're being bullied then you need to take action, for jokes just don't take it seriously too much unless it really offends you.. Peace

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Personally, I'd take myself down another notch. I'm serious. Most people can tell that you're humble and mature enough to take a joke, regardless if it's used in malice. I'm in law enforcement so you know that people will always be trying to get under my skin, so I just play along with it, and put words that are against me in their mouths. They just shut the hell up after that and are putty in my hands.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Just try to hold back, there is no point in getting into an argument just because something doesn't sounds good enough to the ear.

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