Rate my intro for an essay please?
Essay on 2 books, Life of Pi and The Kite Runner
Topic is: The meaning of Life
Does life have a meaning? When approaching the word life, the notion of the imagery it represents may seem easy to explain, but the very concept of it defies anything the human mind can understand or comprehend. Life does certainly have a meaning, but there is no singular or universal meaning to it. For every single individual, the meaning, purpose and existence of life is different. In Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner and Yann Martel’s Life of Pi, the authors’ use the protagonist, young boy to explore their own meaning to life. In The Kite Runner, Amir, a young afghan searches for a meaning to his life after his sinful childhood and in Life of Pi, Pi searches for the meaning to life through religion.
Please help me edit this or make it sound better, this is worth a great deal of my mark. Any help is appreciated, ty.
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Your last sentence of the paragraph should be your thesis, but it is not a very strong one. It should also help lead into your first paragraph to some extent. I have never read either of these books, so I cannot help you write the thesis. Try starting with an outline and make your 3-4 main points (whether comparing or contrasting these two works, or both). The thesis should be only one statement if possible. How are you going to tie these two works together?
As long as one takes in oxygen, one has life. This is a simple truth. Yet, many people spend their whole lives trying to uncover the true meaning of life. ...(edit and tie this piece in smoothly) --but the very concept of it defies anything the human mind can understand or comprehend. Life does certainly have a meaning, but there is no singular or universal meaning to it. For every single individual, the meaning, purpose and existence of life is different.... --Many poets and novelists use the meaning of life as the main theme in their literature. In "The Kite Runner," Khaled Hosseini narrates the life of a young afghani boy who is searching for meaning to his life after his sinful childhood. In contrast, Yann Martel portrays religion as a means to find the meaning of life in "Life of Pi." Despite the different paths they took, Hosseini and Martel both use the protagonist to explore their own meanings of life as can be seen by... (here you would work in the 3-4 main points you came up with in your outline...)
- 1 decade ago
Does life have a meaning? When the word life is mentioned, the imagery it represents seems easy to explain; however, the very concept of it defies understanding and comprehension to the human mind. Life certainly has a meaning but there is no singular or universal definition. Every individual has a personal meaning, purpose, and existence of life and no two are the same.
It sounds like a great start and a fascinating essay.. all the best to you.
- 1 decade ago
Mechanics-wise, you've got a couple errors that can be easily fixed:
1. When approaching the word "life" (add in quotes around the word you're analyzing) .
2. I would argue that there can be a "universal" meaning to life; the use of this word isn't very strong. My suggestion is to rewrite that phrase with "there is not merely one value, a single meaning to it".
3. Take out "every single individual" and replace with "each person".
4. "the existence of life"? Think about how that sounds. Does life exist? Yes, it does. Does it exist for everyone? Why, yes. How about we replace that with "the perception of life"?
5. Make sure the titles are underlined~ ;D It's hard to tell online, but make sure they appear that way in your paper.
The content is pretty good...it comes across as a compare/ contrast essay, which is I think what you're going for. Good work drawing people in and catching attention. I think you could add another sentence on at the end to transition more smoothly into your next paragraph, but it's your call.
Hope this helped you out!
- April JLv 41 decade ago
Numbers represent sentences in order.
1. drop the "a".
2. replace "the notion of the imagery it represents" with "the imagery that comes to mind"
5. "...use the protagonist, a young boy..."
6. Break apart and use them as the first sentences for the next two paragraphs, each dealing with the individual stories.
Finish it with another paragraph on how the two correlate to the main topic.
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- 1 decade ago
I would change the "Does life have a meaning" part. If you do choose to keep this as your Topic Sentence, then the second sentence needs to have "life" in quotation marks because you are trying to emphasize the amount of question of it.
Personally, I think that your T.S. should have to deal with religion because both of the books have to deal with religion.
The last sentence sounds a little awkward. I would state how in Kite the character was sinful and then say like "On the contrary...." and talk about Life of Pi.
The rest of it is really good though! I like it! Good Luck!
- LynneLv 45 years ago
Few problems: 1) You are missing articles. I call myself A dreamer. 2) Do not end your sentence with "of." Just omit it. 3) Do you have just one thought? If not, it should be "thoughts into reality." 4) Don't use contractions. "You'll" should be "You will." 5) Use "and" when appropriate, not just comma. Typically, you will not write your essay in first person. That means, you will not start it by saying "I call myself..." even when the assignment says "your...." The whole introduction is very abstract. The introduction should include what you are going to say in the following sentences, and a thesis. I don't see either. After reading your introduction, I have no idea what your positions are, what point you are trying to make, or how it is connected to the assignment. I'm sorry my review is so negative. I would suggest you'd organize your ideas better and rewrite it with concrete points to make and write it in third person.
- 1 decade ago
I think it sounds pretty good, but you might want to remember to make a transition at the beginning of the next paragraph, or add another sentence at the end of this intro. That'll probably make it flow better.
- silentnonrevLv 71 decade ago
go thru it and take out all the "be" words, replace with stronger verbs.
Split the last sentence into two. Get rid of "Pi, Pi.."...awkward.
2nd sentence is a bit corny. Make it shorter and snappier--break it up into >1 sentence if you can.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
very weak as your thesis is not arguable. YOu are merely stating facts. Try for a more controversial or more unbalanced argument, which you can truly argue! Also, work a bit on the intor, your hook is a tad long. I would suggest having a look at http://essayinfo.com/basics/introduction.phpSource(s): http://essayinfo.com/basics/introduction.php experience