Need advice about my teenage son. He's 13 and rude, unsociable and lazy....any thoughts on boarding school?
if anyone can be bothered, I've already asked this question last week but now it's too late for me to chose my best answer please check out the answers and vote....I like answers 2 or 4 to win...please go and vote for the best answer....I just want to add to those that responded, my son is a handful, but I agree with my husband, boarding school has to be a last resort and we aren't there yet...espeacially if he isn't keen to go!!! I don't want him to feel that he's unwanted, I'm tryng to think of whats best for him...I have more of keen idea of boarding school because I had a positive experiencel during my tween yrs and it was one of the best periods of my life..Every child is different, with different reasons for why they are there...maybe it was best for me, but like some people have mentioned ...not for some kids.
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
here is a idea, homeschool him. get in a home school group and make him do things like feild trips days in the park and all kinds of things. homeschooling is not locking him away from human contact but bringing him into even more human contact. I was homeschooled all my life, and now am in the community college, both my parents teach at this college and today I over heard one of my teachers talking to my mom, this is what I heard "he is very active in the class, even though he is the youngest one. he gets along with every one and is adding a lot to the class" I am 17, and realy in 11th grade, but going to the community college early is one of the benifits of home schooling. my home school group is very good, we spend lots of time together and do feild tirps and all sorts of things, (we went to a rennassance fest about 6 weeks ago). also homeschool kids learn life skills better, they learn how to sutdy better because they dont just have some one to tell them the answer the next day. if you would like to know more just drop me a email.
- 1 decade ago
Hi. 13 year old boy's are difficult. I personally do not thing boarding schools are right for most children that are having difficulties that you are saying your son is having. I have a nephew that is the same way and it started at 13 and he is now 16, and the same, but he was sent out to boarding school this past year, and he holds a lot of resentment to his mother for it, and i doubt he will ever forgive her. It is very difficult to talk to teens it seems. You can maybe look around to see if maybe he has any websites like myspace or xanga, possibly he writes blogs or something that will give you insite as to what is going on in his life. Most of the time these kids need to know that they are loved, but they can't be pushed, they have to be handled as "fragile" or they might be pushed over the edge to do something more drastic. I know too that a friend of mine was sent to boot camp/boarding school while in high school, and it was the reason he ended up having to drop out of school when he got back because none of the schools in the area would accept the credits from the boarding school. He also is now 25 and has never forgiven his parents for sending him there. I hope some of this can help.
- Mr EdLv 71 decade ago
Boarding school is something you send a son to who is cooperative, wants to go, and is obviously going to make the best of it. If you send your 13 yr old therre, I'm afraid you will lose him.
Have you considered seeing a family counsellor? If you are a church going person you could find one through your church, possibly. Otherwise, find out through your municipality.
It could be amazingly helpful.
Children are all different one from another. I have had several. Some not too bad, one of them extremely complicated. I wish we had gone to a family counsellor at the time.
We ended out having to get help in the long run, and it was much much harder.
There is surely a reason why he is acting the way he is. Possibly a great deal of anger at something. It could be anger directed at his parents, whether you are responsible for it or not. Or possibly he went through some traumatic experience that you know nothing about, and that he wants to forget. So he cuts himself off from his emotions, and becomes very hard and unfeeling with others. Those are just examples of the kinds of problems a youngster can have. It is worth exploring with a professional - now, and not wait to find out something ten or twenty years later. No shame in having a problem The shame is in not doing anything to resolve it (I am not saying this is you - I just want to encourage you to do everything you can in this area).
I just read your original question with details. I wish you hadn't taken yhour son out of his running group. That was one thing he was doing well. I would encourage him there instead. Your son needs to be reassured of your love. By taking him out of the running group, all you do is frustrate him, It will not get him to change his ways for the better.Source(s): I was a tough parent. I thought I was a good father. Did a few things right, a lot of things wrong. Very many things I wish I could undo and do over again.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
If you don't want to send him away. Try looking for behavioral places that can help your son. They work with children w/ your child's type of problem. It is a program they go through & live at home. Check with your doctor to see if they know of any in your area. That is what I'm doing then the next step is boarding school.
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- Uncle JohnLv 61 decade ago
No disrespect intended - but he's been your responsibility for 13 years and if he is as you describe, that's what he's going to take to boarding school. Those are the characteristics that will most probably be re-enforced there.
I don't mean to sound like the Nanny on the tv program, but who's in charge at your house? You allow him to be rude? You allow him to be lazy? There are times and places where he can behave as he chooses, but there are also times and places where he has a responsibility to conform to polite social behavior. It's not being phony, and it's not caving in to your parents - it's what you need to learn to survive in the world.
And if the parents don't teach it - who will? I don't see boarding school as the answer, unless you plan to follow it with the army.
Children - although they will deny it strenuously - like discipline. Not discipline as in punishment, but discipline as in order, structure, knowing where the boundaries are and that there are people who love them enough to enforce them. Following rules is a pain - not always being able to do exactly what you want to do is frustrating. If they don't learn to deal with that at home, all too often, the next step is jail.
If you want to get rid of him, ship him off.
If you really want to be a parent, it sounds like now would be a really good time to start.
First step - find someone you can trust who knows your family, and stop trying to get answers on a public answer board!
- 1 decade ago
Gee, is there something different about your teenager than many other teens? See if you can get him on a sports team. The excercise, comaraderie and coach demands can sometimes help a teen. Take time to spend with him one on one. Try not ordering him to do things. Express your request as an "I", example, I would like to see your room cleaned up. I feel frustrated when you don't listen. Screaming is useless.
Show respect to your teen. Boarding school seems harsh. How about a family therapy? Have you checked for depression? bullying at school? emotional outcasting from peers?
- Anonymous5 years ago
I went to a boarding school. Not because of a behavior problem; it was for gifted children. However, there were a few gifted kids with behavior problems there. It didn't help. They just slacked off more and were eventually kicked out. What you're looking for is more of a tough-love type thing where someone will MAKE him do things. But really, a lot of 13-year-olds are like that. They talk back to test your limits. Set them and stick with them. Taking away privileges is a good approach as long as it's consistent. However, in order to take away privileges, he has to earn some in the first place! I turned out all right without a lot of guidance, but my sister at that age wasn't doing well. She couldn't do anything but be sarcastic and mope around. Well, eventually my dad had to put his foot down. He wants to play video games? Fine. But he has to do one chore for every fifteen minutes of playing. Take away the computer and game console until he does. Make a list ... wash dishes, take out trash, do one homework assignment, sweep floors, clean bathtub, etc. Ask him to come tell you when he does one, and you can inspect it. If it's done well he gets 15 minutes' worth of playing time. Add them up at the end of the day, and that's how long he can play before bed. Of course you have to do this early in the evening so it doesn't conflict with bedtime ... but that approach worked pretty well with my sister. Except she wanted to watch TV instead of playing games. Same thing, really. If that gets him motivated, great. Problem solved. Take away the computer and console during the day, give him ONE for the specified amount of time during the evening. It might take a few days, but he will eventually get tired of doing NOTHING and be willing to barter for the privilege of doing fun things. Once he earns some of those privileges, it's time to start taking them away. He talks back? Fine. Subtract that 15 minutes he just earned. He tells you "I'll do it later" when he's not doing anything? All right. Now he's 15 minutes in the NEGATIVE. He'd better make that up quick if he wants to play at all. After a few weeks of this he might be able to rejoin that running group. Doing something he can feel proud of will also be motivating and help his self-esteem so he doesn't feel the need to be so bossy with his friends and backtalk so often to you. But for the moment focus on doing chores and finishing his homework. Good luck. Don't give up on him. He's too young for that! My sister seemed worse off than he sounds and she's a fine young lady now, at the top of her class.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
He's 13 and rude, unsociable and lazy...hmmm sounds like every other 13 year old boy...Sounds like the parents want to abdicate their duty of raising and disciplining their son to strangers.
- TissLv 61 decade ago
Instead of sending your son away, why don't you take some parenting classes? While a certain amount of negative behavior can be expected when a boy enters his teens, positive parenting can go a long way in helping him learn appropriate behavior. Good luck.
- 1 decade ago
im a freshman at lawrenceville a boarding school in nj and what people do not understand is that boarding school is not a place for troubled kids. everybody at my school wants to be there and is very social, outgoing, and intelligent. a rude unsocialable and lazy student wont be able to survive at a boarding school. he will fall into trouble with drinking and drugs.Source(s): experience