how would you feel if you found out that your boyfriend ,spent time in prison for murder ....?

he says it was in self defense but i dont know if i beleive him.any advice would help me. it is just a shock . and i dont know how i should handle it.

Update:

he said it happened outside a night club and his friend was getting beat up and he grabbed the gun and shot the guy that was doing this to his friend and the guy died.

Update 2:

this is our 3rd time dating. the first time was 2 years ago, we dated for 2 weeks , then he pissed me off. a year later i started dating him again, for a couple of months. he made me mad again . a few months later we started talking again. we have been talking about 3 weeks now. he just told me last night.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    If it were self-defense, then he probably wouldn't have been charged. It's hard to tell with ex con's because the great majority of them are liars. My ex was caught red-handed by the cops and he still denies it. So....... if you don't feel comfortable, don't be with him. It's hard to deal with something that is very scary. Don't put yourself through it, if you don't think he can handle it. Without specific circumstances, it's hard to tell. If there were drugs involved, or he's now involved with drugs in any way, or gangs, then I say definitely stay away.

  • 4 years ago

    you must retreat to a dependable position with out telling him wherein you're going and even that you're going - then once you have a while to consider you would don't forget contacting him - e mail is most likely the most secure approach - however a phone mobilephone is beautiful well too - then you definitely would ask anything questions you could wish to invite - if i had been you i wouldnt don't forget taking one more step with him till you may have a minimum of learn the transcript from the trial - if he has any challenge with the transcript or the truth that you disappeared and couldnt be determined for a at the same time - i could say .... keep long past for well - if he cant have an understanding of the ones 2 then he wont be ready to have an understanding of a lot of whatever and / or is most likely dangerously controlling

  • 1 decade ago

    you should retreat to a safe location without telling him where you are going or even that you are going - then after you have some time to think you could consider contacting him - email is probably the safest way - but a cell phone is pretty good too - then you could ask whatever questions you might want to ask - if i were you i wouldnt consider taking another step with him until you have at least read the transcript from the trial - if he has any problem with the transcript or the fact that you disappeared and couldnt be found for a while - i would say .... stay gone for good - if he cant understand those two then he wont be able to understand much of anything and / or is probably dangerously controlling

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow that's a tough call. You could look it up and find out what he was really convicted for. Truthfully because who kill in self defense usually get off and people who go to jail do sometimes deny what they did. I'd want details because even if it was self defense it's a huge act to commit on another person. Why was someone being this violent towards him in the first place? There are alot of factors. Running for your life might be an option you'd consider depending on the details.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If you didn't find this out from him, and it's already assumed that you're going steady, you have every right to ask for a some time out from the relationship in order to re-consider things.

    He could be telling you the truth, or been wanting to tell you about what happened, but it's difficult to know that now. This means that you're only method of testing his trustworthiness is time. If you were thinking that he might be the one, you might just want to really slow things down, and monitor his behavior and attitudes for a couple of years. If he's being deceptive about his personality, he can only keep up the act for so long.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think the first thing you should do is get a copy of the police report and any court records. If it truly was in self-defense, that might make it a little more acceptable, but I might still be a little worried about it.

    Once you look at the record, if you feel that it was self-defense, you'll have to ask yourself if this is something you can live with.

    Ask yourself if he seems easily angered or still prone to violence.

  • 1 decade ago

    Would be interesting to know how long into the realtionship it took for this little tidbit to be important enough for him to reveal it... I mean, was it being concealed on purpose, and you found out independantly, or did he offer it up for your consideration ??? My girlfriend's name is Lorraine, last name starts with a B, and I was leery cause it sounded too much like Lorrania Bobbitt... If she told me she was a murderer, I would have SERIOUS reservations... Ask your Mom, the oldies are a good barometer for questions like this, but I will bet she tells you to get out now ...Good Luck, hope I do not read about you in the headlines...

  • 1 decade ago

    Well first I would ask to know how long have you 2 been 2gether before he told you that. And if it's been awhile then you would have to wonder why he waited such a period of time if it was really in self defense and he had good reason. I mean if it was me and this is just me.. I would pack my **** and get moving. MURDER. hmm I dunno if I could actually get some sleep next to him. Maybe check his criminal recorded. You could have the police report pulled from the incident and read it to see if what he's telling you is really true. Good luck to you and God Bless.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I would definitely be shocked, and wonder why he never told you earlier on in the relationship. Look up his records, and find out for yourself. Or talk to someone that knows his story. I'm sure there would have been some kind of story to read in the newspaper.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Umm...I'd be a little scared...

    Especially because he wasn't up front with you about it in the first place.

    Honestly, I'd get out of the relationship. Not because he murdered someone but because as much as you may try, there will probably never be that level of trust that you two had together again.

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