Been cheated on. Now it's becoming a problem?

My wife cheated on me several times. At the time I loved her so much I told her I'll forgive all of it if she promises not to do it again. We got back together. Then she went on a drug binge and wasn't taking care of our children, so I left her. A few months later she told me she had changed and so we're back together again. Now she still has lots of guy friends on the side. They only text occasionally and it's usually just hi. But given that I've been cheated on several times I don't think she should have guy friends on the side. Now I don't want to be with her anymore, but I can't leave her because I don't want her to blame a divorce on me. And though I don't trust her I can't leave her because of the past things since I said this was a fresh start.

15 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sorry hon but if you choose to take her back, it isn't really fair for you to change your mind now.

  • April
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Maybe a few things you should think about, hon. Like, "What is Marriage".

    I think it is admiration, respect, passion and trust -- those are the biggies. But lots of other things make a marriage lovely -- resolving differences withoug rage, showing kindness, providing a loving enviornment in which to raise children, buying a surprise, a special dinner, a fireplace with a glass of wine, enjoying events together, holding hands, and having common ways to spend spare time and spare money. life, marriages are meant to be enjoyed. You, sweetie from this note have enjoyed little of this with your wife...she has cheated on you, sharing her body and soul with (an)other guy(s). That pretty much busts up the trust, and for sure difficult to admire or respect someone for the betrayal. Bet Passion is pretty hard to find, too. You don't really have a marriage, hon. Betrayal is the deal-buster in marraige, anyone counsellor worth a hill of beans will tell you that. And any counsellor will also tell you that even with therapy, it is two years before the trust comes back, and that is no guarantee. You can't unscramble and egg -- you can make other things with it, but you cannot unscramble it.

    All of this said, what is your question? you Should you leave? Should you be resentful that she is texting guys? Will she go back on drugs" Will she cheat again? The answer to all of these? Yes!!!! "Once a cheater, always one". And she is an addict... and addicts are already in a relationship, hon, it just isn't with you, it is with drugs....or sex or alcohol, or gambling, or computer porn --- all addictions are the same, and all are equally not successfully treated, and for sure never go away.

    You have a handfull sweetie if you choose to stick around. You sound like a nice guy. I'm sure there are tons of women out there who would be delighted to be your wife. The one you have discussed here is not wife material, and you are just facing years of misery if you stay..... I wish you well

    Source(s): dad and husband both mds who do lots of counseling. Good friend of 30 a family/marriage counsellor. They would have answered this question this way....
  • 1 decade ago

    Women forgive men all the time for the sake of there marriage. When men cheat. I understand the feeling is different in a man when this happens. If you can get through this together it could make you marriage stronger. I understand the trust is not there but that will not be fixed over night. That will only be dulled over time. We all have to make choices in our life, and at some point we need to decide to be happy and make the best of what god has given us. In todays world marriage and divorce have become to easy, like high school dating. A real marriage is hard work and becoming the others best friend with out fear of judgment.

  • 1 decade ago

    First of all she can blame it on who she wants, because deep down inside you know whyand so does she! And also, obviously you have given her many chances..And the way i see it Due to the fact that she has a man who loves her enough to give her another chance, and then another chance, she should be willing to do whatever it takes to make you feel secure about your relationship and her infidelity..Especially haveing male friends, And if you told her hey i really do not like the fact that you have all of these male friends..Maybe later down the road when you have shown me that i can trust you, but for now i would prefer you to stick to your female friends..And if she really loves you and really wants the marriage to work she wouldnt have a problem with it. Plus haveing all these male friends is not haveing a fresh start..That is starting where you left off. She obviously was not takeing care of her womanly duties when it came to you and the kids, and yes we all have duties including the man of the house...But you are going to have to lay everything out on the table and be completely direct with her and if she is not willing to do what it is going to take to keep your marriage together then, you should move on..You can not stay together just for the kids, That will never work, because neither one of you would be happy and kids pick up on that. It would be a better life for your kids if you are seperated and happy then together and miserable.

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  • 4 years ago

    cheating is a situation by using fact values at the instant are not taught. Or if values are taught they are the incorrect ones by employing incorrect headed instructors who pose as educators. colleges desire motivational audio equipment on a customary foundation who will inculcate values that are efficient and honorable and final a life-time. in any different case, the significant situation is instructors posing as educators who're somewhat merely instructors. An instructor won't be able to inspire and inculcate, nor can she or he inspire admire for any values mutually with honor. the student then cheats while she or he would not sense knowledgeable yet extremely merely instant. each and every physique provides training. merely an educator can inspire and inculcate. This distinction by myself is a vast area of the situation. start up with the lecturers. Weed out the 'instructors' and help the educators with fee and motivational audio equipment. while scholars are caught there at the instant are not ramifications that punish and weed out this student by using fact there is an unstated alliance between the cheater and the 2d fee instructor who is conscious she or he isn't getting the interest finished besides. I guess distinctive them look any incorrect way while they understand cheating is going on, or maybe inspire it with 'open e book' assessments. Thats no longer education. that's a quiz that's forgotten as quickly by using fact the they are accrued by employing the instructor. How can each and every physique admire that as an education? the end result's distinctive cheating by employing uninspired scholars. OUr destiny upkeep workers and counter people.

  • 1 decade ago

    I dont' think she is stable. She cheated on you... several times. I give you credit for forgiving that. Then she goes to drugs... you forgive that too. Now she has lots of guy friends on the side... all you know at this point is that it's just texting. Let her blame the divorce on you, get a back bone and take care of your kids. They don't need to see this side of their mother.

  • 1 decade ago

    She needs counseling, I know that this is everyones suggestion all the time and easier said than done. But if you two really want to work it out, she has deep issues she needs to resolve and if you truly want to maintain your family together you have to get to the bottom of those issues. You are a wonderful man for being as forgiving and understanding as you have been. Hopefully she can learn to appreciate you.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well there definitely are trust issues in your marriage and your wife past and present does not make it easy. Take the blame, why care, or cope to live with this unhappy life.

  • 1 decade ago

    Change your mind, people do it all the time. Tell her you were wrong that you can't forgive and FORGET as easily as you had thought.

    Its better than both of you being miserable in an unhappy marriage.

  • 1 decade ago

    No one cares who the one is to blame in a relationship. You are just sitting there waiting for her to do something wrong again, and I am sure she will.

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