Anonymous asked in Education & ReferenceHomework Help · 1 decade ago

can somebody please edit my short story, i wrote it for my final assignment in my english. and i am an ESL stu

The orange rays of the setting sun were peeking through the tall trees into Mr. Maqbool’s beautiful garden. Under those tall trees sat a girl, holding a photograph. Out of the picture, a pair of brown joyful eyes stared into the sad eyes of the girl. A teardrop fell upon the happy image and made its landing on the eyes of the girl in the photo. For a moment it almost looked like the girl in the picture was crying, but her lips were betraying the tears.

“Savera! We are waiting for you”

The high-pitched voice made Savera jump to her feet and the photograph fell down.


Savera collected herself and went inside

* * *

The wind kept reminding its presence to the silent girl, on the balcony. There was a strange awkwardness in the night. Though the night itself was silent as the girl, the small noises in it were unbearable to her. Perhaps, the noise was inside the girl.

“I think your name is Rubab,” a boy said sarcastically.

The boy kept talking.

“Oh, I am also pretty sure that you were born with two ears that could hear, unless I was blind!”

When the girl still did not respond, he got frustrated and yelled in her ear

“I didn’t know that idiots are deaf too!”

“What is wrong with you?” the girl yelled

“Oh! Excuse me, I believe that I am the one yelling for hours that there is someone on the phone for you, and you are the one who is lost in wonderland”

“Someone on the phone! For me?”

“Rubab, that is what I was trying to tell you for two hours!”

Rubab picked up the receiver and on the other end a familiar yet strange voice quietly said,


* * *

A gentle touch of the wind awoke Savera; she looked around the room and then her eyes rested on a large photo on the wall, of two little girls with big smiles standing hand in hand. Savera looked at the clock and it was 12:30 am. She sat up. The wind shook away the curtains, and through the window, her eyes met the moon. She lay down, but could not sleep again, as if the moon had stolen all the sleep from her eyes in that brief meeting with her.

* * *

Rubab shook her diary for the third time, but not a single thing came out of it. Irritably she threw the diary on her bed and it opened to page 193.

Dear diary,

I hate her so much. Who does she think she is? Today was her birthday and she didn’t even invite me. She forgot to invite her best friend in the whole world. She didn’t even care to call me. Therefore I am not going to invite her on my birthday party.

Rubab turned the page

Dear diary,

Today in school, she came to me. I knew she would, but I walked away from her. I had to teach her a little lesson. She came back at lunch I still didn’t talk to her and you know what? She acted as if she doesn’t know why I was mad. She asked me why I didn’t go to her birthday party. I didn’t reply. I am not sorry at all. I am not going to apologize for a single thing.

Rubab turned another page

Dear diary,

Today she looked pale and sickish. I didn’t ask her what is wrong or anything like that. I don’t wana give her the slightest satisfaction that I miss her or love her. I hate her she is not my friend and I don’t care if she goes pale or green. I won’t care even if she DIES!

Rubab quickly started turning the pages, tears rolling down her cheeks.

* * *

Savera woke up late in the morning. Her eyes felt like they could not clutch the memories they were holding for a long time. A woman came in her room and asked her in a high-pitched voice.

“Savera are you OK?

“Yeah mom, I am fine. Just a little tired”

“I am really worried about you; you have become like a bundle of sorrows. You don’t even laugh or talk, tell me what is wrong”

“How can you do something, when I can do nothing”

“Than why so much worry when you can’t do anything”

“Why do you have an answer to every question?”

“Please Savera tell me. I might not be able to do anything, but at least I can share your worries. If you share them it will be only half a burden on you”

Savera did not argue further, she knew well when she was beaten

“OK! Let me eat, then I’ll tell you what is wrong with me”

“Food is ready, your daddy and brother are waiting for you at the table”

“I’ll be down in a minute”

Her mom kissed her forehead and left

* * *

After lunch, Rubab went straight to her room. Her eyes were searching for something, but something else grabbed her attention, a picture on the wall. Like a strong magnet, it pulled in the delicate eyes of Rubab and were locked on the faces of two little girls with big smiles standing hand in hand…

* * *

Savera, was standing in the balcony, when her mom came in her room


“Yes mom”


“So what”

“You know well what I am talking about”

“No I don’t”

“C’mon you think you can fool me?”




“Hand me your worries please. If you remember,” her mom said as is she was asking for something very precious.

“Oh I give up! you win mom”

Her mother took her hand and they both lay down on savera’s bed

“Do you remember last year you didn’t see Rubab on my birthday

I had made a special pick colored envelope to her brother. I don’t know why she didn’t come. Any way the next day, when I went to school, she was acting strange. I went up to her and she walked away from me. I tried to speak to her again, but she didn’t talk to me. I asked her why she didn’t come to my birthday, she still did not answered. I even called her a few days ago, but I only said hello and put down the receiver. She was rude to me in school therefore; I decided to leave her alone. If she didn’t wana talk to me, why should I talk to her? I don’t care if she doesn’t talk to me and besides she is not my friend anymore I hate her.”

“Savera, she was your best friend. Both of you use to stay together like you were attached to each other. You use to wear same colored clothes and you both liked and disliked the same things. Savera you loved each other. Once you promised that you would always stay together no matter what. Now where is that love and those promises”

“Mom that was childish stuff”

“Why don’t you understand that you can’t fool your mother. I know about every single teardrop you shed for her. I know you love her and believe it or not she loves you more than you can imagine. There are many bumps in life and what lies between them is love and friendship”

“But why should I go and apologize, it is her job to come and say sorry, since she is the one who started it”

“Savera there must be some misunderstanding, maybe her brother forgot to give her the letter. I think she is also waiting for you to say sorry, maybe she thinks you did not invite her on your birthday on purpose. You are both stuck in the blizzard of pain and you are blaming each other for its origin. love is not selfish it can absorb every pain and still have the courage to forgive”

Savera got up from the bed, came back in the balcony, and she heard the door close at the back.

* * *

Rubab was writing something on a piece of paper for almost an hour, when a boy came in her room. He was holding a pink envelope. He looked at the girl who was unaware of his presence. Than a mischievous smile spread on his lips and cleverly, he snatched the paper from Rubab’s hands who sat up yelling at him.

“You stupid monkey give my paper back. And who gave you permission to enter my room without my permission?”

“Since when do I need your permission to enter your room?”

“From the time when this ugly face of yours came in this house”

“Oh! When did you win a beauty contest miss Rubab?”

“Shut up and give my paper back to me. Mom! Bilal is bothering me call him down”

“Oh I am so sorry your highness I forgot that I need your permission to speak in your holy presence”

Bilal started reading what was written on the paper aloud in his mischievous voice

Savera I am so sorry for being rude. I just want you to know that I love you more than anything in the world.

“Bilala I am going to kill you. MOM!”

“Oh thanks you have just given me a good example of hyperbole”

Bilal found the letter amusing so he kept on reading playfully

You are very precious for me. There hasn’t been a single day when I didn’t think about you.


You are always in my heart.

“Bilal! Get out of my room right now!”

“Rubab try to be more polite, society already sucks”

They kept on running in circles, and the boy still didn’t stop reading

But it was not only my fault.

“Bilal I am going to count till three and if I don’t see this paper in my hands”

“You will jump out of the window right? Or maybe Scream and run in circles”

“Bilal I give up, you idiot”

The boy still didn’t give up and read the last few lines of the paper

Why didn’t you invited me to your birthday party after all, I was your best friend on this planet earth.

“Oh Rubab don’t feel lonely, this planet is full of stupid people like you”

“You Idiot just shut up for a minute”

“All the idiot people think other people are like them”

“Bilal you are driving me Crazy!” MOM PLEASE CALL THIS DEVIL DOWN!

“If I am devil than you are my sister and that makes you devil too”


He kept on with his playful reading

I am not going to apologize for anything you have to come here and say sorry because you started all this

“What a lovely letter, I can’t believe that your friend didn’t invite you”

The word invite rang a bell in Bilal’s head and he remembered that he had to gave the pink envelope to his sister, which he had just found under his bed.

“Bilal please get out from my room will ya?”

“Yes but on one condition”


“First you have to promise that you are not going freak out if I give you this pink envelope, which your friend gave me last year”

“What! Last year”

Looking at his sister’s face expressions, he quickly threw the envelope on the bed and left in a flash.

* * *

Savera was thinking about what her mother had said earlier. She came and stood on the balcony. Slowly she repeated those words in a whisper,

“Love is not selfish it can absorb every pain and still have the courage to forgive”

She looked up at the sky; it was glowing today. Savera felt a strange emptiness in the night. Suddenly she felt like someone was watching her, someone who was close, yet out of the reach of her eyes. She looked at the up at the full moon than out of the corner of her eyes she saw someone, than she heard a soft whisper,


“Hello,” Savera heard herself say. Than she turned around and a pair of brown joyful eyes met hers.

9 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Where is the story?

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Please help summarise this . I tried to to so for you. I will email you too.

    Mozart's circumstances with the Viennese public, and increasing marital strains are well reported in musical histiry. He himself explains it for us. Mozart wrote, "thoughts that I push away with a tremendous effort."

    Some critics have seen Mozart's ‘black thoughts' Yet Mozart was firmly rooted in the classical tradition, and he never intended his compositions to express his personal emotions. Some dissagree and cite many examples. They try to show where such disagreements arise.

    Some agreement is found stemming simply from the fact that symphony no. 40 displays such innovation in its unusual harmonic tension. The effect is as if we had dropped into a work already in progress. A contrasting B-flat major theme is all grace, yet woodwinds continue to sound fragments of the opening in the background, and we are deposited quite briskly back into the recapitulation of the main theme.

    Mozart has taken us on an unusual voyage, but in the end his musical language still achieves a balance, order, and resolution. — Barbara Heninger

  • 1 decade ago

    I would love to help you but first you must tell me where the story is at so I can read it.

  • 1 decade ago


    i may not be an expert on short stories; but i can give you some advice. try to add something creative, make it fresh, ad. lib, improvise, you know try something new. trust me it worked for me, it can work for you.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Donde estan tus balas de plata?

  • 1 decade ago

    Where is the story?

  • 1 decade ago

    how long is it? How many pages?

  • Where is it?

  • 1 decade ago

    where is it?

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