Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Is this fair to my wife?

I've been married to my wife for about 3 years. During this time I have been having sex with my best friend as well. It feels like I'm living a double life but I love them both equally. Is it best to just live life this way and no one gets hurt or should I just break it off with one of them? Let me add that there is physical abuse at times with both partners. I'm so confused


It would be difficult to leave either person. Both of them on seperate occasions have threatened to kill me if I left. I'm not sure if it's because they love me so much or because I make alot of money.

13 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Not fair to your wife or even your friend. I think you may want to seek some counseling for the domestic abuse.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You didn't say if your BF is male or female, not that it matters. Letting your wife live a lie isn't really fair to her. I mean that is controlling her life, if she doesn't know the truth. She isn't having a chance to make her own choice, because she doesn't have all the info. Just because there is physical abuse doesn't make it ok to withold information. You didn't say if you are being abused ,or are the abuser ,or if you're doing it to each other. You're hurting her now by being a liar. If you have that problem with both partners then you're doing something to promote it, right? I'm not even going to go into the whole STD thing, The whole thing sounds selfish and wrong, and yes, it is a double life. Geez, act like a man and tell the truth. -sorry I know it is harsh, but the obvious choice.

  • 1 decade ago

    You are confusing love with control. They are controlling you and it's a game that so many get caught up in.

    As a man, you have no excuse for being abused by a woman. That doesn't mean you should fight back, but you should be able to control the situation.

    God does not expect us to stay in a marriage where we are being abused. You should tell your wife that if she abuses you again, you will have no choice but to leave. Ask her if she would like to go to counseling with you.

    As for the other, just end it. If she tells, she tells. Surely when you got caught up in this mess you knew that there would be a chance that your wife would find out, and she will eventually, even if you don't break up with the other.

    You need to get counseling yourself to see why you are so drawn to this type of control.

    God Bless you with peace and freedom to make a Godly choice.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well, I think that you have a lot of thinking to do...anyone whothreatens to kill you may say it is because they love you so much and don't want to lose you...but over time you will see that that is not healthy or nornal by any means...also, you need to find out what you are really missing in life.....something is missing whether you realize it or not, otherwise you would be perfectly satisfied loving only 1 hunch need God in your life...I am not one to preach, or wasn't until I realized that that is exactly what was missing from my life..we are all made in the image of God...he made us with a deep sense of longing and an empty spot that can only be filled by him. Good luck and my hopes and prayers are with you

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  • 1 decade ago

    You are married and took a oath to be faithful. Your first obligation is your wife. Try to work things out with her first and let your friend know to back off. Talk to her about this physical abuse and if it doesnt stop go to Counseling. Dont cheat on her that makes you look really bad.

  • 1 decade ago

    When you say your having sex with your best friend, is it a guy? If not is she a friend of your wife also. Maybe just bring it all together and ask if their into a 3 way. Might solve all your problems.

  • Jane
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Fair?? Absolutely not.

    As far as physical abuse...on whose part? If they are both abusing you, you should leave both of them.

  • Sean J
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I think you should ask your wife if she thinks it's fair, and then go with whatever she says. She is your wife, after all... she deserves some say in these things.

  • 1 decade ago

    your best friend is a woman???? You will never win with two people you somehow have to make the choice and live with it.

  • 1 decade ago

    Everything you do in the dark eventually comes to light.

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