My 8 year old asked me????

She came home from school yesterday and I could tell something was wrong when she got off the bus, she had that look about her. I'm sure you other moms know what I mean. And she was like nothing mommy, but can I ask you something?

I've always told her she can ask me anything and I will be honest with her.

She goes on to say that Nanny *my mom* got mad when she asked her. I tell ehr to ask me anyway.

She asked if I knew who her father was?

I told her yeah. I was kinda of shocked this has never came up before, though I knew it would eventually. He has only seen her 3 times her whole life the last time was when she was 3.

Then she asked if I was sure. I was like Yes I'm sure.

And she was fine with that ..I asked her if she wanted me to tell her about him or his name , she obviosuly doesn't remember him. And she said she didn't she just wanted to be sure that I knew.

Should I go ahead and tell her more about him or wait till she ask?

32 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Just wait til she asks you. Let her take the lead on this one! If you have a picture of him, just let her know that you have a picture of him and you will leave in, say a kitchen drawer or something, and if she wants to look at it, it will be there when she is ready. Good Luck.

  • She said she asked her nanny... and she got mad. Your little girl may think you'll get mad too if she asks any more questions. Make sure she understands that it's okay for her to ask you about her father, but let her ask the questions when she's ready. This is a really hard subject to talk to young kids about, but I think they should know the truth about everything...well almost everything. You have to decide what she's ready to know...certain things may not be acceptable to tell a child that young...

  • 1 decade ago

    The answer on waiting is correct, but I would open the door on communication a little more. Find something he liked or did and get in a conversation about it, throwing him into in the middle "I remember when your father and I went skiing, he was doing summersults down the hill" and leave it at that. It will be no big deal for her and will probably make her more comfortable in asking you questions when she doesn't feel like she will upset you in doing so.

  • 1 decade ago

    My cousin has the same issues with her daughter...the dad has never been in her life as she left him when the baby was born. She has always answered the questions truthfully. The child is now 7 nad see's other kids with Daddy's, and asks where her is. My cousin just told her that her daddy couldn't look after them both, do Mommy moved to where her family was to help her. She has been pretty good with the answers that she has been given. I would wait till she asks more questions...or you could ask herif she wants to know more about him.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I have a similar situtation. My son is 8 too. I'm sorry to all those who disagree with me but talk to her about him. DO NOT say bad things. This may be hard to do [it was for me because I was abused by him for 3 1/2 years-very hard to find nice things about him] I just told him about how well he draws, that he works very hard because those are truths. My son draws well too. He didn't get that from me! lol

    It's hard, I felt like I was losing my son a bit even though we were just talking. I was a bit jealous because I am the one who raised him from birth, his 'father' abused me so bad he's not allowed to see my son.

    I think one of two things may be going on here: 1. Kids may be teasing her at school, saying that she doesn't have a father and you don't know who it is. She may have been just looking to you to tell her that yes, you do know. Just to prove the kids wrong you know?

    2. She does want to know but doesn't want to hurt you, she may not know what type of questions to ask. I mean to say, that she doesn't know him so she wouldn't really know what to ask of him right? I think so anyway.

    I hope this helped. In the end it's up to you. Follow what your heart says. Sooner or later though she's going to want some answers about him and why you aren't together any more. But please, don't say anything bad about him, because there are parts of him in her. Don't hurt her for no reason. I'm not saying you do this, I'm just offering a suggestion.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    What until she ask you again. But give her hint on the subject so that she'll know that you aren't mad about what she asked you. My mom was mad at me when i asked about my dad. Because she thought i was trying to replace her with him and i never asked anymore. And i regret it, get his picture and put it in a frame and ask her if she wants to put it in her room. Or put it in her book bag and she want come up. This is a emotional time for her so give her all of your support. And maybe call her father and let him know it may be time for him to at least start calling his child. And answer all of her question this lets her know she can come to you with all of her problems. Good luck.

  • Jody
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Just bring it up causually. I never knew my biological father, and when my mom would ask me if I wanted to know anything about him I would say no, but really I did want to know. So she would just tell me little things about him every once in a while. As an adult now I really don't care, I was lucky to have a great stepdad who treated me as if I was his own.

  • Yomi
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Let her take the lead with this one. She'll let you know when she is ready to know. Congrats on being such an open and honest mom! That's great that she can talk to you about difficult things.

    Granny, on the other hand, needs to be a little more understanding.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think you should tell her. I wish that my mom would have been more open with me because I still don't know my father and I am now 27 y/o with a child of my own and my mom passed away 8 days before I turned 11y/o.

  • 1 decade ago

    I would definitely wait until she comes and asks you. However, I would ask her, very casually, what brought up the questions about her father. Something might be going on at school that you need to be aware of.

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