He doesn't love me...but he won't leave me....?

My husband has cheated on me, I have been thru alot of pain for the past year. I have told him to leave me and that I dont want to be a part of his life anymore. But he doesn't leave. My heart tells me that he doesn't love me.

He tells me that he has no relationship with her, yet, he still talks to that loser who slept with him. He calls her everyday in the morning, but yet he does not call me at work. Does that mean, he loves her and is more interested with talking to her than with me?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hi

    What I’m going to say is probably easier for me to say, then for you to do.

    We women can spend a great deal of our life/time working very hard to make the wrong guy into what we want him to be. (I’ve tried more then once.. and it NEVER works) That same amount of time and energy can be invested into a bigger better payoff – Yourself. If not, years from now you will be dealing with the same situation and questioning where your years have gone.

    1st off.. you don’t mention children, so I will have to assume you don’t have any, and will answer accordingly.

    The thing that bothers me the most about your question is “I have told him to leave me and that I don’t want to be a part of his life anymore. But he doesn't leave”

    ---- There is Nothing preventing You from leaving.—Or if this is your house or apartment.. there is nothing preventing you from throwing him out (and changing the locks)

    You are waiting on him to make all the calls and decisions on this relationship.

    You are waiting on him to make all the calls on what will happen to YOUR LIFE.

    --- Not good.

    This is telling me you have been beaten down (or never were “up”) to take control of what happens in YOUR life. This is a wonderful life, but YOU have to control what happens to YOU in it.

    The thing that always amazes me is a misdirection of anger of the wife to the mistress.

    (“he still talks to that loser who slept with him”) The “loser” /woman you are referring to, is not the one that promised fidelity and marriage vows to you. – Your anger should be directed at your loser husband.

    RE: He calls her everyday in the morning, but yet he does not call me at work. Does that mean, he loves her and is more interested with talking to her than with me?

    *** Bottom Line: He is more interested in himself then how his actions with this other women effects you.

    Solutions:

    1) For him to break it off with her entirely—And both of you get counseling.

    2) For you to take control of your life, move out, move on – or kick him out.

    3) for you to get counseling and get behind your low self-esteem and why you would put up with this treatment.

    Sorry.. not the greatest thing for you to read. Keep in mind.. this is MY answer.

    I was in your situation, and that is why I feel the way I do (I chose solution #2). I can give you advice, but until you have the strength to worry more about yourself, then trying to understand his actions ….You aren’t going to take anyone’s advice..

    I wish you Strength.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    He is not leaving because he is trying to have the best of both worlds. You can't pack your bags fast enough! Move out and file for divorce. I know its easier said than done but how long can you really go on like this? You have gone through so much pain and he throws it in your face everyday by staying there and still contacting her. A man who does that does not love you. It hurts but the sooner you get away from him the sooner you can begin the healing process. I really wish you the best and hope you find your strength.

  • 1 decade ago

    Why is it that you are giving him the choice? I think he is playing with you and thinks that no matter what you are going to put up with him. You are his security blanket and nothing else,the one he feels he can fall back on if the other thing don't work out.

    I know it isn't easy to walk away but believe me in no time at all you will feel alot better about yourself and have more respect for your own needs and will find that you will never allow anyone else to use you like he is.Sometimes things in life that turn bad end up being the most gratifying for the soul in the long run.

  • 1 decade ago

    You need to have a little self respect and you should do the leaving! Kick his a s s out and tell him if he likes talking to her so much he should just go to her. If you don't respect yourself no man is ever going to love or respect you. Stand up for yourself! You deserve someone who wants to be with you! Forget what he wants and find out what you want out of life!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Very difficult to answer according I don't know well who he is. But I think he didn't leave you because he think you are more important than others. May be he has already had his bad habit for a long time or before getting married with you. He choose you because he love you, but he do bad habit with someone who he thinks she is slut.

    Please think that you are his wife not his slut, so you will feel better.

  • 1 decade ago

    I am sorry to hear that I am going though the same problem My husband would not leave me but I put his *** this time and yes it hurt but i am tired This female knew we was married we have been together for 12 years have 4 kids and he call me after i put him out trying to lie again. If you need to vent you cane email me if you like.

  • 1 decade ago

    if such is the case, and he'd rather talk to her then talk to you, then maybe it's you that should abandon ship. It sounds to me like you still love him. Something within your relationship with him changed and he's obviously no longer happy. The key is to root out what changed and see if you or both of you can correct it. Sit down with him and express how you feel and what you think. See if he's willing to work it out. See if you can get out of him what he thinks is wrong with your relationship and if all else fails, he has to go to work sometime, while he's at work, pack his things and put them outside the house and change the locks.

  • Why are you waiting for him to leave. He won't. He is having his cake and eating "her" too. You have to leave him. Most people don't file for divorce because they don't want to be the one that admitted it wasn't working. Don't continue to put up with this emotional abuse. You know he is cheating, he is neglecting you, go file yourself.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well maybe he doesn't leave you because he feels still feels something for you. Something that he doesn't feel for anyone else. But who cares what he says you should leave him. He cheated on you and I don't think you deserve that. Well good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    whoa You need to get out of that relationship honey He is a loser and he's going to tag you along cause he knows you're a sure thing. You deserve better

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