He thinks i am crazy to call of the wedding because of porn????

My bf and i have been together 3 yrs got engaged then i got pregnant so the wedding had to be delayed.I am due christmas day to give birth to his son.To get to the point i made it very clear when i started dating him what i thought of guys watching porn if they were in a long term relationship.Now i am not a prude but if you are dating someone or married and getting sex on a regular basis at least once a day 7 days a week in our case. Pretty much in any position imaginable and in different places.Why do you need to watch porn and have over 200 hundred web sites on your computer?I feel hurt more because he lied about it and i called off the wedding.I personally would not have cared if it was once in a while but i consider porn to be low class and gross.

Update:

Do not tell me that most men watch porn or that they just cant help themselves because they need constant visual stimulation because that is a load of B.S !!and a poor excuse!

Update 2:

If you are a mature man you should not have to watch porn and no not all guys watch porn thats a myth perpetuated by the media so people will except porn more easily.

Update 3:

I see it as a personal choice some guys are into porn, some not that into it and some not i have dated around to know that much.

20 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'll tell you that all men look at porn all I want because it's the truth. There are a few who don't but not many. I think you'll find (although most won't admit it) that at least 50-75% of women do too.

    Don't call it off. If every woman wouldn't marry a guy who looked at porn practically nobody would be married. He lied because he knew you'd freak and he really had no choice.

    Look babe low class and gross or not he's going to look at porn. So will your next boyfriend. And any sons you have. And your coworkers. And your neighbors. And probably even the majority of the wives of all of the above.

    I am not saying you have to like it, and obviously it is not hurting his sexual desire for you (it's probably increasing it).

    You are fighting a losing battle. Whether you think it's a poor excuse or not is irrelevant it's the truth.

    btw just one hour of porn surfing can easily cover 100 sites. It's not as much as you think.

    As for your myth I'm sorry baby you are just plain WRONG. If you refuse to believe the truth then yes you were right to call off the wedding, because your boyfriend should not marry someone who is so blind to reality and refuses to open her eyes.

    The boyfriends who tell you they aren't into it lied to you because they knew you would dump them over it.

  • 1 decade ago

    Hi Bella,

    There is a distinct possibilty that your boyfriend may be the victim of child sexual abuse or incest. I think you may want to consider this and ask him directly...I worked with males who were survivors of child sexual abuse and incest and your information is very consistent with what I discovered with some of my male clients.

    It is completely tied into their self-esteem or should I say "lack" of self-esteem. Being overly stimulated at too young of an age, particularly with males, and some females leads to this type of behavior. For some reason it makes them feel powerful and in control...something they were not when they were molested. Secondly there is an an addictive quality to it, and when you are indulging an addiction whether it is drugs, alcohol or sex, etc. you can detach from your feelings and avoid them.

    So this really needs a sense of understanding. It is a compulsive disorder based upon the manner in which you are explaining it.

    If you love him after you begin to work through your anger I would look into some therapy and talk to a counselor or contact a sex anonymous group in your area to get to the bottom line here. Just like alcohol it is an illness that CAN be treated. And lets face it. You now have a child coming into the world that is his as well. I think you both owe it to the child, even if you do not stay together, to work towards a resolution of your boyfriends issue here...which I believe is very long standing.

    In a relationship it should not be "just sex" but rather a mutual sharing, a loving experience, never done out of obligation on your part, or compulsion on his part.

    Good luck my dear.

  • 1 decade ago

    I for one don't think you're crazy. It isn't as much about the porn that is causing you to do this. It's more about the excessiveness of doing anything. Today it is porn, tomorrow it can be something else.

    It's also about one's ability to feel satisfied and content with what one has. He's getting as much or much more than an average couple would - in terms of sexual intimacy. He still isn't content or satisfied with the best you can give him. So, your second concern is more about him not being content with the best you guys can share.

    Thirdly, it is about being honest. It is a matter of trust. Though this might sound small and incidental, it is only natural for you to begin to wonder where else will he be dishonest.

    And lastly, it is about priorities. If a man is about to get married and is also about to be a father of a newborn, you'd expect his attention and focus to be more towards his family and career and life together. Clearly, his priorities at the moment seem screwed up.

    You are the best judge. You have to follow your heart. Do what is right for you and stick to those decisions. You'll do well for yourself. Good luck.

  • 4 years ago

    Not sure why you didn't tell him all of this over the phone AFTER you'd left. You still sound pretty invested in this relationship, pretty upset. It is time to move on. I hope you go thru with it as you deserve so much better. And MORE importantly, your children deserve better. Another point is that YOU chose this guy and I doubt he seriously changed after the marriage. Think about what attracted you and make a huge effort not to repeat this mistake. Good luck!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    A guy looking at porn WITH his wife or girlfriend is one thing. Hiding it from her and lying about it is a problem. I know you don't want to hear it, but all guys DO look at porn. It's a fact of life. But it should never be hidden or lied about. In my case, he has an addiction to it. He was getting off to the computer pics and videos, but was unable to function with a real woman. He was also looking at porn that is illegal. You need to either get used to him looking at porn, or stay out of a relationship...with any guy. Maybe talk to him and ask him for a compromise. Ask him to not look at as much porn, ask him if you can watch with him, and ask him WHY he looks at it.

  • I do not feel you were wrong you and you man probably need to have a serious talk if you tell him how you feel and he goes behind your back and still does it then that is a break in your trust and with out trust what do you have ? I am not saying that you can not get through this just work it out together and if you truly love each other you will get through this.

  • 1 decade ago

    I agree with you 100%. If you feel that he doesn't respect you now, how is he going to magically get better as soon as you get married? I think you should postpone the wedding and go to counseling together. Looking at porn is NOT normal, it is disgusting and if he knows how you feel about it then he shouldn't be watching it. I'm afraid your moral beliefs are very different though, I hope you can work through this for the sake of your baby. Don't back down from your opinion, you ARE entitled to it, and he needs to respect your feelings. Good luck!!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Everyone thinks about sex and has the desire to be dirty. Men just have the guts to watch it, women are too ashamed. When I caught my husband watching it, I flipped. I felt not good enough for him. I felt like, if I satisfied him, why must he look at that degrading bull****. Well, me and my husband have an open relationship, so I sat down with him, turned on the porn and said, " what is it that turns you on about this?" He honestly told me that it's just dirty to watch it, that's why he likes it. Even though it hurt me, I realized he was going to be a man and watch it, so I began to watch it with him. At first I hated it and thought it was degrading, but I soon began to like it as well. I told myself if he was going to watch it, I would rather he do it with me then behind my back. If you can develope enough self confidence to realize it's not just the women he is watching, he's watching the sexual acts, you may find you like it too. Just have an open mind and give in to your sexual, dirty side and have a little fun. My husband says he enjoys me getting off on it more then watching it by himself.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    why is visual stimulation a poor excuse? it's a valid reason. men love looking at beautiful women period. get over yourself and don't take it so personally. your fiancee is at fault here as well. he shouldn't have stuck around when you told him how you felt about porn. i think both of you are lucky to have figured this out before you got married, otherwise there'd be a lot more drama. i personally think that you are uptight and a prude. even if he says he won't look at it anymore, he will eventually because that's just something we are drawn to. good luck finding someone who will abide by your little rules but be prepared for more disappointment since your next man will view porn or lie about it.

    try to rationalize all you want about what you think you know about men and porn, but you're wrong. you're just setting yourself up for more arguments with your significant other.

    the ones that you believe are not into the porn are most likely lying to you, just like your fiancee. i bet you are one of those uptight women who get upset when their man masturbates, because you think it's like cheating on you.

    If you had more self confidence you wouldn't be so offended by porn. It's funny how women who are comfortable with themselves are the ones who don't mind porn and can even enjoy it.

  • Tab
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    How many hours a day does he spend watching it? Besides the fact that he watches it, is it really affecting the relationship? Do you think with your hormones from being pregnant you might be over exaggerating. Before calling off the wedding you two should have a talk.

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