Why is he so unappreciative? How can I stop caring so much?
I am truly crazy in love with a man. I've dated other men and I just haven't felt the same about anyone. We've been together for a year and a half now but have known each other for about 6 years.
Here's my issue though. I feel like I give too much of myself in the relationship and what he just said about 10 mins ago broke my heart and just reaffirmed this.
I'm not going to go into the MILLIONS of little things I do for him, because honestly I never really thought about it till today. Yesterday he kept saying that he really felt like having bud light (he hasn't drank for a couple of weeks and this is a big deal for him). Well today, I woke up and went grocery shopping, I'm not a drinker myself, however, I picked up some bud light thinking of him. I also picked up his favorite bread... just because i know he loves french bread.
(Cont'd in additional Comments....)
ANYWAY, he came home and he proceeded to say thank you and told me I really need to get a life and stop being so fixated on him. Then apologized a million times saying he doesn't know what went wrong with him or why he said it. Nonetheless, it crushed my heart. I felt like he took the nice thing I did and stepped on it. Am I wrong to feel upset? I just started crying because I was upset. He said he felt like **** and left to go study at the library. I don’t know what to do or think. All I can think is that I need to stop caring. But why is caring about him a bad thing? Why do men take women for granted and are so unappreciative?? What do you think I should do? Should I just forgive him and let the whole thing go? Should I stop caring? Or at least pretend to?
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
When we see a woman make her life completely around us, it makes us uneasy. Depending on the level of commitment, we might feel that thw woman wants from us something in return (could be marriage, more commitment, more secuirty, etc) that we cannot give. This is a very uncomfortable feeling. I am sure he definitely appreciates that you think about him, but he feels pressured to do something back.
Here is a thing I suggest, next time in the same situation don't announce that you bought beer for him (I am assuming you did). Just leave it in the fridge and let him find out for himself. When he asks you than casually mention that you remembered him while shopping and picked it up - no big deal
- 1 decade ago
Sometimes you can love someone too much and end up doing everything for them without realising that you are overpowering him. He probably does appreciate the things that you do for him but you just need to give him some space so that he can do some things for himself (im sure he will realise how much he will miss your little things) and enjoy the relationship that you have got together. There is nothing wrong with doing things for your partner, it's about going about it the right way, let him do some nice things for you.
- JonLv 51 decade ago
Well, that truly hurts when you do something special and its not appreciated. Not caring for him wont solve the problem though. Tell him that you felt really hurt when he said those words and hopefully he would realize what a stupid thing he did and really ask for your forgiveness. If you feel like he has already asked your forgiveness sincerely, then forgive and forget and move on with your relationship. This is just one of many trials that you two will go through your relationship. And you learn from this things to make your relationship strong.
- Uncle TimLv 61 decade ago
Ouch... I bet that did hurt, I am sorry. It is possible that he did not mean what he said in a malicious way.. he might have meant it in a joking sort of way. Odds are against this though. If no other man makes you feel what this man does though and you are that hopelessly in love with him then, I guess you'll need to figure out how ot muddle through. Your only other option is to go out and date other men. We're not all such enormously inconsiderate jerks you know? Good luck :)
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- "karma"Lv 41 decade ago
To stop being you will not solve things. It will just make you bitter toward love. I'm currently in the same thing myself because I'm so proud of my husband in his job & I talk about it to people & he told me I was like Swim Fan The movie. That was the bottom line for me & I will not talk about how proud I am of him again. Needless to say he quit school in 9th grade & was abused as a child & he over came all obstacles that came before him But I'm a stalker. Good Luck Sweetie!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I think you have all the answers within. Take his advice and stop doing all this stuff for him. I mean zero, nada, nothing and let him do for himself. He's letting you do it because it frees up his time, et al, but he really does not want to be beholding to you knowing you care so much. So just stop, get selfish and do for yourself. Yes, do pretend you don't care and practice that till you get it right. Otherwise you are only causing yourself grief...and who needs that?
I wish you well on this new learning experience.
PS: Punkin above is right on.
- punkinLv 51 decade ago
Look he said what he said about the beer because he knew you'd buy it for him,then he felt guilty because he knew he used you.What you do for him isn't wrong,it's just the wrong man you're doing these things for.IN his own way that's what he said by telling you not fixate on him so much.Break this off and be patient while waiting for love.When you worry and rush to please you keep choosing the same type man in different skin,giving you the same bad outcomes.
- angelicasongsLv 51 decade ago
he may be feeling a little smothered because you care so much. what he said wasn't very nice, but maybe he said it because he was feeling smothered some. It sounds like what you did was just be thoughful and he shouldn't have blown up at you like that. I'd try and leave him alone a little and if he really cares about you he'll come to you.
- 1 decade ago
Find a guy who cares just as much about you as you care about them. Easier said than done but best in the long run. Life's too short to waste it on someone who doesnt care about you enough.
- 1 decade ago
i guess it is the first time he would say something like that.even if it isnt, u should forgiv him.love they say covers a multitude of sins.let it go.stop crying, but be sensitiv and watchful just in case he is passing u signals of being tired. and yeh, dont hold on to his offences, that way u live a healthy lyf.