Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 1 decade ago

Stages of life?

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.

2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.

At age 35 success is . . . having money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

16 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    wow thats the most humorous and the most truthful stages of life

    i give u a thumbs up, i wish i could give u 10 points

  • zara01
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Very nice!!! Dang it I missed success and 17 and still haven't bothered to get my license. Oh well hopefully I can get back on track and be rich by 35. :)

  • 1 decade ago

    Those are too funny! I particularly like the Santa ones.

  • 1 decade ago

    Uh, oh I am in for a world of trouble if this is true

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    cute, i liked the success ones lol

  • 1 decade ago

    Very lengthy....no patience to read all.....

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED....so true, especially #2...

  • 1 decade ago

    at age 35.......try not 2 b insane

  • 1 decade ago

    I liked this one very mucho! Made me smile!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i wish i would have known the kids ones years ago!!

  • 1 decade ago

    kinda long but cool

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.