Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

could i have advice on these poems?

Reality punctured with holes

She tells me to breathe

That nothing is

and nothing is make-belief

Off my tongue words tumble

Without thought

A somersault

Until she is not

anything that is possible

For once not getting caught

In candy-stripped chaos

Of lustful lips

I am real, I maintain

I flap and feel

And rain and reveal

failing to contain myself

I hunger and break

For someone else’s breathe

Awakens to take

and lay me to rest here

at my celebrated death

things I cannot

A careful hand

and strand of hair

For one moment in time

Gives reason to care

Before it tears and drops

With tears you can’t stop

Never knowing concrete

On only bustling streets

And shuffling feet

We will never meet

in reality

how can you offer home

to a stranger unknown

with no map to find

the peaks of the mind

and valleys of the heart

where do you start

to glow and ascend

will purity transcend

when reality invades

and innocence fades

depression is a season

she can see no reason

to keep connection

in this human collection

and so we intellectualize

feelings that are not wise

can a gift stay alive

can a dream still thrive

on the end of this vine

nothing to be mine

but only to for once see

unrestrained eyes free

11 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    like the first one

    lukewarm on the second

    but keep writing :o)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Your poem is kool, you write from the is another one lol..

    Words express the worlds not seen

    words can capture imaginable dreams

    words are songs sung from the heart

    words can find a way to start

    Words can touch you in different ways

    words create or take away

    words are shared to invisibly meet

    words may take you from your feet


    Happy holiday's

  • It's a bit iffy 2 me but u have some good words on certain parts just keep practicing

  • 1 decade ago

    I like the 1st one better just because I think it stays more on topic but what do I know I'm only 13. No but really I applaud you with your poetry me on the other hand... let's just say it could use some work.

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  • dreamy
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago


    if someone u know invoked this poem from your soul

    I would never say never if I were u..

    "unrestrained eyes free"..... why?..r u restrained? hope u get "free" unrestrained eyes....

    hope the person u wrote this 4 appreciates u...

    thought it was really good..come check out my blog I have poems 2..

    loss sometimes creates good poems and helps u share also ..keep it up...

    I also combined them ..they made sense to me..thanks for sharing..I wish I could find..that broken angel poem..that was posted about 1 month was awesome 2...

  • 1 decade ago

    You are making a statement of sadness, loneliness a lost and dreaming of something you know you cant have.

    who and why written. the story behind the words. Do share

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm lost on the first one, but I like the second

  • 1 decade ago

    if u are going to do something with these poem u shoe copyright them cause people could take them as there.

  • 1 decade ago

    get a life

  • 1 decade ago

    Pain in life is inevitable....suffering is optional........too long for me

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