My boyfriend doesn't care for horses much. Help please.?
My boyfriend and I have been together over 2 years, and he does not care much for horses. He pets the baby once in a while, but that's it. He thinks they are expensive and require too much care. Well, he thinks that way about all animals. He likes them, and will rarely come outside with me when I feed and even more rarely lend a hand, but he has no interest what so ever in them. I've had horses for 22 years now, and I have no desire to get rid of the 6 I have left. I've told him I'll take care of them, and he won't have to help. We're talking about getting married, and I finally managed to talk him into buying a couple acres for us. Anyone ever run into a issue like this? How did you resolve it? I'm worried that this will be a huge problem later, (it has already caused a couple minor arguments) and I'd like to resolve it now before we get married. Thanks!
I've kept the baby (who was 3 months when we started dating) because my boyfriend thinks he's so cute, but he won't get involved. He's a great person, but this has been my life for 22 years, and it is not an easy decision.
I'm not trying to make him like them. He doesn't, and probably never will, and I accept that. The question is if it will be a huge problem later.
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
I have a different situation but a similar type of thing in that my fiance does not really have an interest in horses and he makes a point to remind me of any time someone is in the news for being injured by one or falling off of one. I have been riding for about 25 years and am not giving up on it for anything. We had a talk about it, and I realize that he will never be involved other than just supporting me in my riding and showing. That is ok with me because I sure don't play golf and he does. It is healthy for you both to have your own hobbies and activities. It is your away time to do something for yourself. Not everything is made to be shared (or else you'd have nothing to talk about :) ) I am not sure why it is that you would have to give up horses due to his lack of interest. If he were that cruel to not support you in your passion, I would say he probably is not the best choice for marriage as there are many men that would. I would honestly value your horses and how much they mean to you over a relationship that will not allow you to enjoy what you love. Relationships are supposed to be supportive and understanding.
My fiance will never care for or ride my horses, but he also wouldn't dream of taking that away from me because it is who I am and he will honor that and he does help pay for the board and if I show he will come and watch. That is his showing of support. His silliness of showing me the articles of people falling off is just his concern for me as he doesn't want to see me get hurt.
I would advise you really soul search and think about things before continuing on with this guy. No one should be able to stop you from your horse hobby, that just seems unfair to me.
- Paint PonyLv 51 decade ago
I went thru the same thing with my boyfriend. He had no interest whatsoever in horses, said they were to expensive, etc. He had no interest in helping me out with feeding, grooming, attending shows or anything else horse related. And there always the minor arguements about how much time and money I spent on the horses. And after we married, it got worse, because now it was "our" money and time being spent. After I missed a family event because of a sick horse, he told me it was either him or the horses. I miss him (not). If your boyfriend is unwilling now, I do not see him changing after you marry. I see it getting worse. While two people do not have to have to exact same interests to get along, they should support each other's hobbies or interests. This is called give and take. I am now married to a wonderful cowboy that loves horses as much as I do. And it does make life way better. And while he likes to team rope and I love to show, we both take an active part in helping each other out with our very different events. And I have learned that show horses can (and do enjoy) chasing cattle sometimes, and he has learned that his roping horses like being "all prettied up" as much as my show horses. Good Luck and I hope everything works out for you
- 1 decade ago
If he's not willing to fully accept your horses then he's not willing to fully accept you. My boyfriend doesn't understand my passion for horses but he knows that they make me happy and, even though they're expensive and put an "unnecessary" financial stress on me, I'd rather have that than to be horseless. He said one day not too long ago that he'd never ask me to get rid of my horses....and that's a good thing, because I'd get rid of a selfish boyfriend before I get rid of my horses.
Your boyfriend has known that you've had horses all along, but now that things are getting serious he's trying to change you. Doesn't sound like a good start on a marriage to me, it's probably not going to get any better. I know several adult (40-65 y/o) women that have husbands that are still waiting for them to "outgrow" their horses and it puts a major stress on their marriage at times. If you're willing to put up with that, then good luck, but consider what you're getting yourself into. I could understand him wanting you to get rid of them if you were in a financial crunch (i.e. major hospital bills), but if it's just because he doesn't like them or want to have to be around them, then seriously...how is that being respectful to you?
I don't think you should expect him to pay for your horses or take care of them, but if you're not doing those two things then what is there to complain about on his end of the deal?
Want to know how to resolve this issue? Tell him that he either needs to respect you or you'll leave. If he really cares about you then he won't let your horses be the reason behind your break-up.
- skachicah35Lv 41 decade ago
I have recently broken an engagement due to a similar issue. If you see it becoming a problem, it probably will. You have to look inside to see if he's worth the possibility of losing that part of you. I personally enjoyed not having my ex be a part of that aspect of my life. It gave me breathing room. You have to determine if you think its going to become a problem in the long run. I knew that my ex was never going to see animal ownership in the same way I did, and in addition to other issues, felt that was a strong enough issue to break it off with him. I felt it in my gut, and you probably do too. Best of luck, it's never easy... I can tell you though, the guy I'm with now, while not being a horse lover, has made the effort to go on trail rides, he comes to shows and events, and he's willing to feed and let horses in and out for me in the future (if needed, heh). It is not nearly the stresser it used to be to go to the barn, and I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can't say that the same will happen for you, but it could.
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- 1 decade ago
Well, obviously horses are important to you. I think that if you've been with him for 2 years, this is too small of a matter to break up with him. But if he neglects your wants and your true loves in life besides him, I don't really think he's worth it. I mean, if he ignores your passions, that's just wrong. He should put things aside, no matter how bad he doesn't want to, and spend time with you and your horses.
I'm sure you've done something like that for him, so you must know what it's like. You haven't loved every idea of his, or like everything he does. I'd say give it time, but it HAS been 2 years. Don't pressure him into getting involved with horses, and don't attempt to make him watch races or groom your horses or anything. I say that it's fine if he doesn't want to be around them, but accepts your passion for them and it makes him happy that YOU'RE happy! But if that doesn't happen, there is a problem.
- 1 decade ago
My dear friend, obviously horses are a big part of your life. Unfortunately it's a passion that your boyfriend doesn't share. You've stated that the issue has already caused "minor arguments". If you are having arguments about it now, I think you know deep in your heart that this issue will fester and build as time goes by.
I'm not going to tell you the answer because I think you already know the answer. The hard part is accepting it. I wish the best of luck to you.
- 1 decade ago
I think it will eventually come between you two. There will come a time when you will need him to help you with a certain project. If he don't that will upset you and cause problems. It really will affect you if he doesn't want you to go on trail rides or horse events because he doesn't want to go with you. It's ok that he doesn't share your same passion, what is not ok is if he tries to hender you from your passion. Lifes to short not to enjoy it with the things we love. I would say there would be no problem as long as he don't try to hold you back and maybe hire a good looking cowboy with a farmers tan to help you out around the barn!...........................LOL.......Just kidding about the cowboy :)
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I also think horses are expensive and a lot of trouble. They can be mean beasts, but they do beat walking if those are your only two options. And if they're purely "pasture puppies" he's likely to have a good arguing point. It's also unrealistic of you to think that once you're married, you'll never ask him to carry a bag of sweet feed. But he may be a little phobic about them, and he may be willing to help to a limited degree. Instead of trying to win him over, or over-promise, you would probably do best to have a reasonable discussion of where you might compromise. Also, "a couple of acres" isn't enough to support six horses, so be realistic!
- Cold FartLv 61 decade ago
Well, horses rule! I would love to raise them! Unfortunately, I don't have that choice.
He's probably got other interests. You and he will have your differences of interests and discussion here and there. But, hey, good for you that you now have more land for the horses!
But, if it's causing some problems, and you love both your horses and your significant other, and he doesn't understand that, I guess it's something you might have to live with.
Sorry I couldn't be more informative.
- 1 decade ago
Trying to warm him up to horses or animals probably wont work. If he cannot make that decision to do that for you because he sincerely would do anything for you, then his goals are elsewhere. I wouldn't even marry him.
Wouldnt even consider it. Life is too harsh, and there are too many uncertainties. If he cannot work with you, and even argues? then why is he around? What does he love you for? Does he love you?? If there is a small problem now, and he is not 100% into the game of fixing roadbumps as they happen, or avoiding them altogether, then reconsider your marriage. Perhaps it is better being single.