Mouthy, immature 8yr old daughter?

I have an 8 yr old daughter who can be as sweet as candy. She has a tender heart and truly cares for others. The problem is, I let her talk back to me to much when she was younger. Now I am paying for it, she mouths off all the time to her father and I. We have told her that isn't an acceptable way to talk. We have punished her etc.

She still does it, more so to her Dad now, as I told her I wouldn't out up with it.

She is very immature, I'm afraid I coddle her.. I am not sure where to draw the line. How to be a non - coddler, but yet have sympathy.

For instance, she wants to sleep in my room everynight and will cry if not allowed to.

Thanks

Update:

Thank you for all your advice! What I mean by immature is, she wants to sleep in my room, she is afraid to walk from one end of the house to the other. She has a low self image I think, which fosters her fears. What can I do to improve this? Also, while I am here, how can I get her to stop doing things half-assed for lack of a better word? If I tell her to put her clothes in her room, she puts them on the floor. Or when cleaning, she doesn't do it right. Is this more of a set the standard thing? Thanks for all the info, I am doing the best I can, but I have made some mistakes. Now I am paying for it. Also, 1 more thing, it isn't that I am letting her be the parent. When she cries, I do not let her sleep in my room.. my question was more about how to get her to stop the crying and the whining.

11 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Forget about what problems may have caused this in the past and start addressing the now.

    You need to set some rules and expectations and follow it up with appropriate punishment and apply it consistently when rules and expectations are not met.

  • 1 decade ago

    For goodness sakes, she's 8 years old! You are the adult and she is the child. Unfortunately you taught her that it was okay to treat you that way. Explain to your daughter that there are now going to be rules and consequences will follow if she doesn't obey. Tell her that you are going to give her one warning and then take something away that she loves. Tell her that you are going to do that each time she acts up until she learns to behave herself. Maybe even make her donate the things you take away to the needy children who don't have anything. Then she will see how good she has it.

    Really, I don't mean to come down on you, but I see way too many parents who let their children walk all over them and all of a sudden it's too late to do anything at all. The next thing you know, the kids are 15, 16 or 17 and they run the house and come and go as they please. At least you still have a chance with your daughter.

  • 1 decade ago

    It's time to take some basic parenting books out of the library. Or check out taking a parenting course. Think about this - if you can't control your daughter at age 8, what on earth are you gong to do when she's 15? At age 8 she isn't immature - she's 8! It sounds like you're dealing with several issues (mouthyness, being coddled, sleeping arrangements, etc.) but essentially, it sounds like you need parenting help with stopping your child from being the one who is in control of your family.

  • what you need to do is put your foot down! drawn a line. she talks back punish her. take something away from her that she likes, or don't let her go to her friends house. you can't fix the past but you can fix now. and sleeping in the room with you at night...unless she has a nightmare or gets scare from a thunderstorm there is no way i would allow her to be in my bed at 8.. coddling time is over time to start her getting use to life and how unfair it is.

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  • 1 decade ago

    The key is consistency. Your daughter might not like the fact that you will make her sleep in her own room, however, after doing it repeatedly she will learn to accept it, because it is the rule. You need to put your foot down and stand firm. Your husband also, needs to participate in the discipline because as she gets older she will push to get ger own way from here on out.

  • 1 decade ago

    Ok parents go through this all the time. its because they dont set limitations to their children when children are growing up they should have limitations like a curfew and you shouldnt let your daughter talk back to you, put your foot down,make her sleep in her own room lock it if its neccessary tell her your in charge and she cant get disrespectful, immature or mouthy with you again. and if she continues to get smart and immature with you then take her toy privileges away and take her tv priviliges away until she learns her lesson.

  • 1 decade ago

    Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like she has sort of a "bratty" attitude. Crying to get her way, talking back because she thinks she can just say whatever she wants, etc.

    I think you need to put a stop to all these things immediately. No more sleeping in your bed for starters. She is 8 and has her own room and her own bed and that is where she should sleep. Let her cry, she'll get over it. She is not the parent here and if you show her that maybe she'll stop talking back as well.

    When she becomes mouthy with you, ignore her. Ignore it when she talks back. It'll kill her when you don't snap back with a remark and she'll hate the fact that when she talks back she doesn't get the reaction she wants.

  • 1 decade ago

    Punishment

  • 1 decade ago

    I have been down the same road. Please Learn from my mistakes. I stopped spanking my oldest daughter after the age of 6 or so. At that age she also was the sweetest thing on earth. I thought fewwww spankings were done, that wasn't so bad. again 6 and 7 were great, 8 started getting a little tough. She also would get in trouble in school, or do little things that would just add up. She then stopped listening to us, you tell her "no" she would go that extra step, do it one more time. Then wham, she started lying, talking back, throw fits/tantrums, yelling at us, never doing what was asked of her, it was endless and hopeless.

    In thinking she was 8 and to old for spankings we tried everything else possible. Time outs, long time outs, taking away bikes, no friends, no TV, even canceled a birthday party she was to attend because she got another one of those bad notes via school. One day, she decided she would go for a little bike ride, and not tell us. I thought she was playing in our back yard, and I got a phone call from a friend about 3 blocks away, asking if I knew that my daughter was riding her bike around the park by herself. I was floored, I couldn't believe it.

    I jumped in our truck, flew down to the park. With fire in my eyes, ordered my oldest into the truck. When we got home she I told her to go up to her room until I decided on a punishment. After a long talk with my husband (her dad) who was at work, we decided she was to be given a spanking, and that this was the final straw and that spankings would return as a form of punishment for her. She had put her life in danger, and we couldn't let that happen again. I went up to her room, explained that I had talked to her dad, and that we decided on a punishment, her eyes got huge, she to thought she was home free when it came to spankings.Not so she learned. I bared her hiney, put her over my lap and spanked her for a good long time, longer then ever before, because of it being a life threatening situation.

    My husband and I then came up with a "CORE RULES" list. We did this with both of our older daughters, (5, and 8 @ the time) They even helped come up most of them. This is kind of how it looks

    1. No Lying

    2. No Bad Behavior reports from teacher/school, grand parents, babysitters......anyone responsible for my child when I am not around (which isn't often, since I don't work)

    3. No steeling

    4. No saying bad words

    This isn't all of them, but this is how our list started, we then added as they tried new things. If our older two girls break any of these rules, they earn a spanking, when they do, they sit in their room and think about it for a while, we then bring in the list, and ask them if they broke any of the core rules. They have always said "Yes" and we make them read out which one was broken. They already know what the punishment is so there is no question about what will happen. We spank them, then have a long talk, about better ways to behave. Lots of hugs and kisses, and they are on their way. It took a good 2 to 3 months of a lot of spankings, for my oldest to come around. She has been 10 for 2 months, with almost zero behavior problems. To say the least, we are very happy parents. I will no longer put a age limit on spanking, maybe 12 or 13. Gosh I hope not, that old, but I know better now, if it's needed I will do it.

    As for the spanking, If you don't make is a bad experience don't bother doing them. I would say make sure to pull down pants and panties, place them over your laps, and give them at least a dozen or more good sharp stinging spanks to the bottom. It's OK for children to be crying hard after a good spanking, that's the way it's suppose to be.

    Sorry to bore you with our stories, but the mistake we made, that I am trying to advise you not to is - 8 is not to old for a spanking, heck if my 10 year old breaks one of the rules tomorrow, a spanking she will get. same as 11,12,13. Stay tuff, hang in there. You will do just fine.

    Good Luck

    Source(s): Mom of 3 girls, ages 3, 7, and 10
  • 1 decade ago

    Reward the good behavior. Gives her a reason to be good.

    Ignore her when she cries to get her way. She'll be fine, we went through this with our 8 year old son. He doesn't cry anymore cause he knows it wont work.

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