This man has me dazed and confused. What should i do?
UGH! I've written several times before, about this guy I like very much. I'm 44. He's 43. I took the advice of others and left him a lone. Decided it was best. Now, all of a sudden, he's back to flirting with me and talking about having sex with me. I laugh it off and tell him "he's toying with me" and that he's full of BS. He keeps saying..."you never know". I do still have feelings for him. I know he needs more time to recoop from a failed marriage. Early on, I told him a few times how I felt about him. At 1st. he seemed interested. Then, however, he started saying stuff like "I'm too good of a friend to do that to." or "He doesn't want to ruin our friendship." All clear signs, to me, that he just wasn't interested. So I left him a lone. Stayed friends with him, but held my true feelings back. Now, after a few months, he's starting again with the "heavy flirting". I'm more confused now than ever. He must be pretty confused. I just say, I know I am. * bangs head on desk* UGH! :\
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
I guess the answer isn't that complex (the outcome might be): just be open. You're friends already.
If it would be about any other subject (or person), he would expect you to talk with him about this... and vice versa.
You're two adults, telling your feelings won't necessarily cause you to automatically jump into the sack or to turn away from each other.
And ummm... about those "clear signs that he's not interested in that kind of relationship"... well, as a male, I can tell you: that's an honest effort to respect you - us men (probably partly justified) always are afraid that we think about sex too much... so we don't want to push it with people we really respect.
I can't imagine a better basis to start an intimate relationship than mutual respect en mutual feelings. And well... indeed, he's probably still suffering over his divorce. But that's something you carry along, I guess for the rest of your life. And nobody can take away the pain you feel/felt when you have to break up with a person you actually love(d). All I'd say is: talk to him about the reasons he broke up with his previous wife, and ask yourself the question if the same won't happen in ten years when you and him end up in a similar routine...
(and ... if applicable:at your age, possibly you might want to also take in account the feelings of his and your children)
- Gone fishin'Lv 71 decade ago
If he is just out of a failed marriage ten he is probably lonely and confused. If you get into a relationship with him and it dies so will the friendship. Give it time. He enjoyed your attention before you left him alone but now he is missing it. It is an ego thing for him. Just laugh it off and find someone else.
- AlizLv 61 decade ago
He really wants a relationship, but after a bad marriage he is afraid. Tell him you are afraid now that he will do what he did in the past and you are not sure about how you feel.
I would suggest that you go out together and get to really know each other. It may take a long time before he is sure about your relationship. I think maybe two years or more.
So, the question is do you really want this man as a man or just as a friend?
- 1 decade ago
Oh boy can I relate to this but this happened to me 20 years ago...Man was coming outta a relationship(divorce ) and wanted to get involved and stupid me did just that...
Hunny.. I hate to sound depressing but if you have sex with this man or start a relationship so soon after he has been divorced, you are gonna get crapped on... He may not do it intentionally but do it he will..
He really needs time to get a grip on his past failure and a few months is not gonna make it better...
You can sum it up like this...
When woman/men come back into the mad race too soon after a bad realtionship, there are asking for trouble and possibly don't even realize it..
They are looking for someone to make them freel good..
Its called being a STEPPING STONE .....
You are a just a stepping stone to the next stone in their life...
I would suggest DO NOT DO THIS...
I really don't believe they do this on purpose . Its just that they need effection for their bruised ego..
Boy do I know its hard.. especially if the man is like a GOD ///ya just wanna say .. Whatever ya know....
If you can stand it, just be friends and make it clear that you feel he is not ready for anything more...Nor are you willing to stick your neck out their for a possible passer by...
He sounds slick to me .... That means he must be a charmer... which means its twice as hard..
dear god am I glad its not me..
The charming ones are soooo irresitable..but oh so dangerous..
Just remember , if you decide to go through with this , be ready to be in the same boat he is in .. I see this coming..
FRIENDS FOR NOW
SERIOUS MUCH LATER ON
FLIRTING NEEDS TO STOP...
Hope this helps... hey if ya wanna , let me know how it goes ... :)
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- ggLv 71 decade ago
Keep banging that head on that desk.
After all these months, ask him what his intentions are. The best that could happen is that you could start a relationship...the worst is that he will know you are on to his game, and he won't want to play anymore.
- 1 decade ago
this has the potential of leaving you hurt in
the end, might be better off if u found someone
who wants u with more consistency.
i'v been w a coupla women who showd this
kinda behavior; they left me colder than a dead fish
- June smilesLv 71 decade ago
Run like hell!!!!
He is Yo-Yo ing you. Who knows what he's thinking of, probably hasn't had any for awhile! He will never be someone you can feel secure and loved with.
- bugiLv 61 decade ago
cant do much... have not felt that way because i am younger than you are... but i think..... you have to tell him the truth... and confront him in a nice way what does he really wants with you.... good luck....