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Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingToddler & Preschooler · 1 decade ago

For those who advocate spanking: How would you reply to this phrase - see inside:?

"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent" - Arthur C. Clarke.

Please note I am not stating my own position in this question. I just wanted to hear if there are any valid responses to the above phrase in reference to hitting children. Thank you for your (polite) reply.

29 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Incompetent is more than correct! Spanking is a result of a lack of control, and an inability to effectively communicate-ON BEHALF OF THE PARENT!

    People who say,"Hey, I was spanked, I'm ok." Need help! First, one must define OK. If you think that hitting defenseless children for looking at you "wrong" or "annoying you" or "inconveniencing you" or "making you mad" or whatever else your adult "me-me disease" compels you to believe about your being victimized by a person who is not even half your size, you are FAR from ok.

    Second, if you think that because you're not murderer or a rapist or some other extreme deviant, that you are OK-your standards are low as is your self-esteem(probably, due to your spankings in part).

    Third, if you think it's your right to put your hands, hurtfully and intentionally on a child's butt(a private area)-you are NOT ok.

    Fourth, if you honestly believe that human beings are capable of hurting other humans without getting an intense and sickening rush of power and control, you are NOT ok.

    I could go on and on, but the most telling part about spanking NOT being ok, is that most people who are spanked have been convinced that they were so annoying, so stupid, so "bad", so "wrong" as defenseless children to overstressed, overworked, undersupported parents, that they DESERVED to be physically pained by those whose job it was to protect them from pain! The loss of self-dignity, respect, and love is biggest loss in spanking.

    More than 98% if all violent US prisoners report being physically accosted in childhood by their parents. When one accounts for those who may not want to admit to being spanked or abused, you could be looking at a true 100%! This leaves less than a 2% chance of US violent criminal growing up without spanking or hitting at a MAX! So no, most spanked kids don't grow up to be violent criminals, but your chances of growing up to be a violent criminal if you are NOT spanked are much much smaller. So spanking does NOT prevent criminal behavior, and NOT spanking surely does not cause it. In addition, spanking has to hurt in order to "work". That means that parent has to keep increasing the pain with their child's ever changing pain threshold. This inevitably leads to worse spankings overtime, which leads to some of the most severe forms of child abuse, that our legal system actually recognizes. In fact, nearly all cases of child death by parents due to abuse, start with the parent attempting to DISCIPLINE their children.

    I am so tired of hearing people say,"Kids today need a beating." That is so stupid! What person needs to be beat? Kids today have to worry about not getting beat up or shot in a workplace called school in which they have no choice about rather they should go or not(regardless of the constant potential threats to their lives depending on where they live)-and after all of this, they should fear and dodge their home lives too?? We are pushing kids out, and we are loosing them-along with our future, which they are. In addition, SELF-discipline is not defined by being able to clock into your mindless job on time, or making ridiculous A's on factoid type test. Self-discipline is an emotional concern(like being able to get mad at your children without screaming stupidities at them and going postal with your hands and objects). Self-discipline comes from self, not fear of others or consequences imposed by others upon you.

    This culture is violent and vile, and has irresponsible sex and then takes it out on the unplanned children that result. In a "me me" money chasing society, children are an inconvenience. We want tv dinner kids: pop 'em in the microwave, wait two minutes, and DING-perfect! There is a reason the human being is born more immature that any other mammal. We need more love, more attention, more understanding, and more time to grow than any other-as a result, we have the most potential to do good, or not so good. Good takes time, not so good works at the countdown of three(like the timer on your microwave)! 3-2-1, Ding!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I believe spankings at certain ages serve a valuable purpose. But before I explain that, let me define my version of a spanking. One or two swats with the hand on a fully covered bottom. Using a paddle or any weapon doesn't let the parent "feel" the force being used. Swat too hard with your hand, and it hurts your hand.

    My idea of a spanking is for when a small child, usually younger than first grade would be my limit, does something dangerous and needs a quick physical response to imprint "don't do that" quickly.

    If a small child suddenly runs from the parent toward the street, quickly intercepting the child, a quick swat, and a firm no has an immediate training affect. The child will normally cry, even thought there is little pain. After the tears are gone, explain the danger to reinforce your action.

    Source(s): From "The Rantings of a Philosophical Madman"
  • 1 decade ago

    I'm not a big religious advocate, but isn't it in the Bible that "Spare the Rod; Spoil the Child"? I guess it depends on whether or not you're on the receiving end and which receiving end it is.

    You see, a friend of mine had an outspoken daughter; threatened to leave home, etc. The father wanted to "belt" her and the mother leaned the other way.

    Neighbors got involved and so did all others. I was there one day during one of her many meetings and the child protective service worker told us that you *can* hit your child, just don't leave a mark. She's had the cops say the same thing. So, if they're saying *that*, then why is society so twisted up and confused about raising (their) kids?

    And why do the parents need character witnesses while it's the kids who are acting up?

  • JC
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    If I read that phrase without knowing your question, I wouldnt relate it to the punishment of spanking children. The first thought that comes to mind is senseless war. There are different levels of what can be considered as violence, and is determined by each person differently. Would it be considered violent of me to wrestle with my child (hes 17, 240 lbs)? We do this for fun, of course.

    I certainly dont believe in beatings, but I do and have spanked my children. Rarely, and only a swat on the bottom or hand. I believe that a child needs to be taught in a firm manner good behavior and respect, and sometimes in order to do that, they need a spanking. I feel that if they get little to no punishment, they become inconsiderate, thinking they can do as they please. I always talk to my children as well. Its not like I spank them and then shut the door. I explain why the got spanked in a firm but calm voice.

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  • MRod
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I was spanked as a child and I grew up a good and normal person. Children today are getting out of control, and sometimes really do deserve to be spanked. I do not advocate violence to children, and I do believe that other options should be tried, but once in a while kids need it. The older generation did not have the disrespect for authority like the kids today because they were disciplined. Ever since spanking became a no no, societies children have gone out of control. The thing that bugs me the most is when an older person scorns you for spanking your child, especially since most of the older generation spanked their kids more than anyone in today's parents. I think spanking is an okay and appropriate form of discipline when it is not overdone.

  • 1 decade ago

    What about the saying


    "A-HA" I hear you saying! I think THIS is the most accurate saying. Yes, I do spank my child and will also spank any future children that I have. Yes, I got my fair share of spankings growing up, including ones administered by my father's belt.

    Did I grow up disobedient, rowdy, trashy, loose, or without morals? No.

    Did it scar me for life? No.

    Do I wish I hadn't been spanked? No.

    Do spankings work for most children who receive them? Yes.

    Do I know people who were spanked and ended up leading a bad lifestyle? Yes.

    Have I ever spanked my child out of anger? I will admit that I have, yes.

    Am I an incompetent parent or incompetent otherwise in my life? No, I don't think I am.

    Is it a personal choice to spank? Yes, it obviously is, however I feel not enough parents do. I have moved from a small town in the US to a MUCH larger town in the UK, though I'm in a pretty decent area, however I see and hear about teens (and much younger children) doing things I wouldn't have dreamed of doing growing up! This is from a lack of proper discipline and there is no other cause for it! Lack of discipline is because the parents either don't know how or because they are INCOMPETENT to BE parents. (smite me if you will!!) In my experience, rare is the child who comes from a home with the correct discipline, combined with good morals and proper family values, who ends up with an ASBO.

  • 1 decade ago

    I would not consider spanking to be violent behavior. Beating your child is violent behavior, but spanking is discipline.

    Also, I think "anti-spankers" are just way too sensitive. You all probably cry during a confrontation. I don't think any good parent is advocating child abuse...we're advocating discipline and respect. Time out is all good and fine in certain situations, but at the same time, I'm not going to negotiate with my 4 year old child when she's having a temper at wal-mart. Negotiating with your child leads to your child forgetting who the authority is.

    And to ChicaLand, I was spanked (not beaten) and I did turn out just fine. I completely trust my parents and I tell them everything. I didn't beat people up in the school yard b/c I was spanked, and I didn't turn into a crack head. People like yourself are just way too dramatic. There is a big different b/w spanking and getting into a fist fight with a toddler. I think you should note the difference.

  • 1 decade ago

    I am a mother of 2.I will admit that I have spanked my children. It does not happen often but it has happened. I am of the opinion that let the punishment fit the crime. This may not be a popular opinion.But it is mine none the less. It is never OK to abuse or beat children but a firm swat on the but with an open hand never killed anyone. My children are fed loved housed and clothed. they do not fear me or my husband but the do respect the rules of our home and other people. So I believe that I am a competent parent. I hope this answers you question.

    Source(s): mom of 2
  • 1 decade ago

    I am a firm believer in spankings, I was spanked when I was younger and turned out to be a quite responsible person. I can see how spankings teach children. I am one of three(me being the oldest) as the years went on my parents did not punish the other two like I was. My brother being 22 yo middle child has no responsiblities he does on the other hand know right from wrong but unlike me he was not punished as much for things that needed to be punished for so he don't care, the only thing he has going for him is that he does care about some peoples feelings. My sister 18 yo on the other hand never had a spanking in her life and she only cares about herself and nothing else, she has the mentallity that if she does something wrong someone will clean it up for her. Most things normal people find just plain wrong she sees nothing wrong with. This is the time out punishment at hand,what kid cares if they get left alone for a while that is what most of them want. I have not seen a child as of yet that did not get spankings that was honestly a well behaved child and sorry if this hurts most of your feelings but if you believe you are the exception to this you are probably mistaken. When you are out eating or in a store and your child is whining b/c they want something that you don't want to buy people are just wanting to ask you to shut your child up. Also if you are one of those parents that buy it for them to shut them that is not a well behaved child that is a spoiled child. My child knows no and loves me dearly. You will never never here my child ask for something more than once after I have said no. Not because I beat my child to death but b/c they know when they get home they will get a couple pats on the tail end and be sent to their rooms for a couple of days with out anything but a bed and clothes to look at.

  • 1 decade ago

    "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent" - Arthur C. Clarke.

    This is one man amongst trillions that have lived. Anyone can come up with a snappy phrase to look intelligent or cool. Granted, he may have been an intelligent man, but either he has never had children, or he meant this for adults between adults. Also he probably is really liberal, which I am not condoning nor berating. You have to know when to, and when to not fight.

    As per the children, you do not pic on someone that is much smaller than you, unless they deserve it and ask for it. Even then you should not inflict more than they deserve or can handle. Watch a group of puppies around other adults, or some other animal, any animal. You will see they test the patients of the weary tired adults, and quickly get smacked around, but only roughed to show who is boss, but rarely injured. It is part of growing up, "Spare the whip, and spoil the child." We are only logical thinking animals, that try to test other groups of our people and try to gain notoriety with our abstract, and somewhat illogical thinking of what may work for us; may not work for others.

  • Jade
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Are you a parent? That is probably true! INSANITY. INCOMPETENCY. There is likely not a parent (especially one of a teenager) who hasn't felt that.

    If you were a parent, you would know that there are times when there is no other suitable punishment.

    Here's the thing, I am a parent of five beautiful (most of the time) children. I started out thinking that I knew everything about parenting and would be the best one ever. It turns out that I had ALOT to learn.

    I also believed in spanking. Not beating, but spanking if it came down to it. I honestly believe that it should be each parents choice.

    All children are different, and spanking isn't the thing that all children can relate to all of the time. There are many other things to take away. There has to be the positive part as well, but things need to be taken away. There needs to be a punishment of some sort for things that are wrong, especially when there is endangerment of someone's life involved (ex: running into the middle of the street).

    There are times when spanking is appropriate, and times when there are better alternatives.

    But you don't have to take it from me... my children are still at home (ages 8-18). Ask someone who's children are grown.

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