What Should I do with my Marriage?

I have been married for almost 3 years and I have a 1 year old. I got married very young and only knew my husband for a few months before we got married. I have since realized that things are not going like I expected in marriage. I do love him, but I am slowly growing apart from him and I don't know what to do. I have about 1 and a half years left of college, so I try to put up with it. My husband never seems to be home on the weekends lately. I know he is not cheating on me or anything. He also does not take much responsibility for our son, and I'm fed up with it. I never seem to get any me time because he is always out doing what he wants to. He is very mean and hateful with his words, and I find myself crying to sleep atleast half of the week. I am so unhappy. On top of all of this, for the past year I have realized that I still love my ex. I would never cheat on my husband, but every day all I do is think about how much happier I was with him. I know this is wrong but what do I do

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  • 1 decade ago
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    Hello, I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. You must still be very young since you've been married almost 3 years. No matter how far down the wrong road you go, it is never too far to turn around! Remember that. What you should do, take good care of yourself. If you are so miserable, you are crying yourself to sleep half the time, and your husband is mean and hateful, and lacks responsibility for your son, you are going to have to pull yourself together so you can get out of this situation.

    Now you are married so you can't just walk away. You have a child with this man and you are legally bound to him through marriage. You could try some marriage counseling, or if your husband refuses, go to counseling alone- for yourself. The counseling will help you learn how to mend your marriage or help you with the courage you will need to file for divorce and give you the emotional support you need while you make these changes in your life.

    Forget about your ex! Right now you need to focus on yourself, your situation, and what YOU are going to do about it. After you get that figured out, don't forget, you have a very young child of your own that you must put before any other relationship. Your baby is counting on you for that, and he deserves your full efforts.

    Good luck and best wishes.

    S

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  • 1 decade ago

    I just don't see how your husband could be so hateful to you if he didn't have someone else on the side. You say that you know that he isn't cheating, but really, honey, do you KNOW?

    You did say that you married young, and take it from someone who's been there; You never think that someone could cheat on you until it happens.

    How's your sex life? I'll bet it sucks, right now, doesn't it?

    How willing is he to hold your hand in public when you're even INVITED?

    How many times does he try to toss off your affection?

    That's because he's getting it from somewhere else. He doesn't want to be a family man... He wants to sleep around like most people do in their early twenties, and he's doing it.

    You cannot love two people at once. You need to decide which person will create the happiest future for you, or if EITHER of them are going to make you happy. If your ex and you broke up, and you met your husband on the rebound, well, you're probably right: You probably still love your ex.

    I think that you should leave the husband, REGARDLESS.

    When you leave, though, remember the reasons that you and your ex broke up, and think it through CAREFULLY. Some time alone may be the best thing for you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Marriage isn't always what we think it is, we see the Cinderella fairy tale and think we will live happy ever after. NOT SO. Marriage is WORK! and it has to be done by both partners or it will never work for the enjoyment of both! Best advice is go see a counselor if only by yourself. Know what you want to do and do it. Letting someone else make that decision is the worse way to make the decision. Some more good advice is DONT get into another relationship while you are in the mess of the first one. It causes resentment in you for the person you get involved with.

    About the ex thing he is an ex for a reason sometimes when you are unhappy the past looks a lot better than it really was.

    Good Luck

    Source(s): Experiance, single mom of 2
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  • 1 decade ago

    We all jump into things when we are young so don't beat yourself up about that. If you were to file for divorce what happens with your child? Why is the husband so hateful, is he unhappy too? Obviously, so you guys got married I would first try real hard to rekindle what you HAD and see if you can salvage the marriage. Crying helps when there is nothing else, but don't let him talk you down, if he is mean don't reply and fuel his anger, let it go, graduate college, raise that baby and live for you and the child. Start out with a note to your husband and stay quiet until he comes to you and if he doesn't you know what has to be done. We all think of ex's when we are unhappy, it's natural, before you doing anything major at least try to reach out so you can say at least i tried. Good luck and STAY strong

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  • 1 decade ago

    Try couples counseling first.

    If it doesn't work, divorce is an option. BUT....if you leave your husband, don't leave because you hope to get back with your ex, do it because you want a happier life for you and your child. Jumping from one relationship into another is usually a guarantee that the new relationship will fail.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds to me you are confused about your feeling for these men, you state in your question that you love both of them. I would suggest you might go see a therapist. Im not trying to be sarcastic. It will help you find yourself and give you strength to take the next step whether it be trying to make a go of the marraige or stepping out. You do know that you deserve happiness, and you deserve to be supported in the marraige and with the raising of your child. I just hope you dont go running back to the ex. Take some time and really find yourself as well as make sure you take the proper steps in making sure your child adjust.

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  • 1 decade ago

    first of all, ithink the problem exist with you. you are not happy with your husband because your'e still thinking of your ex.here's what you should do,ex out your ex and check in your husband 100%. the bible says.a soft answer turneth away wraft but grevious words stireth up anger. try a soft response to your husband's mean and hateful ways.you said you know he's not cheating on you,but you are cheating on him by the thought of your ex.just think how he would feel if he knew you were thinking of your ex and not him.how would you feel if he was doing that?

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  • 1 decade ago

    You rushed into marriage to be happy again. Why keep this man around sounds like he aint there as it is. So why not go on your own and figure things out and become happy again. As long as you are with this man you aint gonna be happy and he doesn't sound very supportive at all.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Your husband is cheating. First start by ending the marriage you are in before you go jumping into another relationship. Try and work it out and if he doesn't listen or care...make a believer out of him.

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  • 1 decade ago

    So, are you gonna stay with your husband just so he can help you while you complete school?

    You sure do a lot of complaining about him. Look a little harder in the mirror. How easy is it for him to live with someone who he can probably sense would rather be with her ex- than with him?

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