Spoiled Kids....?

Okay, I got divorced two years ago. I fell into the trap many parents do, spoiling your kids trying somehow to make up for the neglect of their absent father. Fast forward, hes still a flake, but I have remarried, and things are normal for them, a regular home life.

It seems over the last few months, they have NO appreciation for anything they recieve, from my parents or anyone. Ive discussed with my 10 year old that I was wrong to try to make up thier flaky dad, by purchasing gifts. She gets it, but her behavior has not changed.

How do I reverse the damage? My parents have tried helping, by not buying gifts for no reason, and I dont anymore either. But how do I curb the rudness, and lack of appreciation? Ive talked and talked about how lucky the should feel, and have even made an agreement with them that they will earn their own money this season to buy a toy for Toys for Tots. Any advice?

Kids are 10 and 6. My twin 3 year olds are unaffected, so thats good.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Take her to a soup kitchen and make her volunteer her time so she really sees how easily that all she has can go away. When she sees little kids dressed in rags she may gain an appreciation for what she has. If that doesn't work take away TV, phone, computer time, video games, etc for a month.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think that many children in America don't appreciate things because they don't know how good they have it. They toys for tots ideas you have is very good because they will learn the importance of giving. Maybe you could also should show them articles or documentaries on children in other countries and how they live, or take them to a shelter. You can also try to make them earn stuff so they realize the value of a dollar. Next time they ask for a toy have them earn it buy doing chores around the house. I am an only child and was spoiled, i always got everything i wanted but i also knew how much my parents had to work to give me things and how lucky i was to have them. If your children realize that they are lucky to get things than they will appreciate them much more

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  • 1 decade ago

    Anytime they are rude you should discipline them. Talking to them about how lucky they should feel is not working. They are most likely tuning you out. So if they talk back to you, take something away (tv, etc).

    The not buying gifts anymore for no reason is a good idea. If it isn't a necessity or birthday don't buy them anything. If they want anything they have to earn it. So start making them do chores around the house for money. If they want something from the store (non necessities of course) they have to buy it with their own money.

    I do like the toys for tots idea but you should also volunteer with them at homeless shelter so they can actually see how lucky they are.

    Just be consistent. Their behavior didn't get this way over night and it is not going to change over night either. Just be patient and consistent and it will eventually help

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Youre on the right track and the toys for tots are a good idea. For the 10 year old it might be harder to change since they were older when this started... the 6 year old you will need to teaching them manners seperate from the older sibling. In most families rudeness is punished, either grounding, writing apology letters etc... Along with these the best solution is always time and dont give up on what youre doing. Dont give in just because they want attention.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Wow, Im going through the same thing, sort of. I spoil my 7 and 9 year old. I was a spoiled child but I appreciated everything. My kids started being unappreciative. I now have a bf of 5 years and he advised me to stop buying them everything. I have a calendar on the fridge and they do chores for money. I stopped buying them stuff altogether. They have to earn their own money and buy things themselves. It works, except my 7yr old is smart. He said he doesnt care about earning money from chores because Xmas is coming. Once Xmas is over if there is anything else he wants he will start doing chores again. Pretty smart if you ask me, he just turned 7. So clothes of course and necessities dont count but when it comes to games and toys I would make them earn it. They didnt get spoiled overnight so you cant expect them to change overnight. Consistency and patience are the key. Without struggle there is not improvement. Good luck.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Kids these days have "entitlement issues." If you really want to see a change, you MUST be firm and keep your word when "no" means "no". I have a 6 yr old. Do not give in. Better yet, allow your 10 year old to meet and learn about some less fortunate children in your area (this may not work for the 6 yr old). As a last resort, take away all of the extras that they have and only meet their needs-even just one or two days of this may make a difference. Good luck.

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  • Linda
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Kids like that are going to have a real hard time adjusting to the real world unless they continue to live with mommy and daddy and they take care of them at the age of 30! They have no sense of what responsibility is. I have encountered several people like that and have found that they will go to extremes to get what they want, when they want it, and they want it NOW. It will hurt them in many, many respects. Employment, socially, emotionally, etc. And I can't imagine those kind of kids actually finding a significant other that will be able to put up with their behavior. Yes, they bother me. They have an attitude and think they are above and better than all others. (most of them, anyway) They don't have respect for other people or others property, either. Life is going to bite them in the butt eventually and they will find out that money won't be able to buy them out of everything. The time will come when life slaps them in the face and they aren't going to have a clue on how to handle it. It's going to be a long and brutal fall back to reality!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Disipline. My parrents were real strict on me when I was younger. As I grew older and more responsible, i got more freedom. If I'm ever rude I get yelled at or lextured. When I was younger they would spank me if I was rude to them or any other adult. They were real big on maners at the dinner table and drinking a glass of milk everyday. Maybe some of these methods will help. I'm not saying you should raise your kids like my parrents raised me and my sister, but some of the methods might be helpful. Going to church every sunday was also a big thing. I hope I've been of some help. Just try to do what you think is best for your children.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I would gradually decrease every once and a while how much they are getting to the level that you feel comfortable with. for example I had the same problem, I went overboard one year for Christmas and spent 500 dollars on each kid, they enjoyed it. Over the next three years their gifts for their birthdays has totaled around 250-300.Sometimes you also just need to tell them that they need to appreciate what they have and tell them their are many more people that have a worst life, than they do and can't have some things that they have.

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  • 1 decade ago

    my kids started get unthakful and rude like that and well i just took everything they had except for 8 sets of clothes and unerwear and told them that they couldn't have it back untill they started showing respect and earned it.

    my 10 year old took a week and my 7 year old took 2 weeks and my 4 year old only took 4 or 5 days they got something back starting on th2nd day depending on their behaviors.

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