Need advice- When would be a good time (age) to tell my little sister that she is my sister and not my doughte
My mother died when my sister iwas just a year old (now she is 11) and since then she lives with me. She doesn't know she is my sister; as far as I can tell she knows she is my doughter. I think I should tell her some time and I am worried about the timing. What age would she be able to handle the matter? Please help, and thanx in advance.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Don't tell her at all. There is no benefit to her knowing the truth other then your feeling better, and she stands to suffer a great deal of psychological trauma, especially when at a point in her life where relationship boundaries and interactions are being formed.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I think that she is a good age to handle it. My mother died when I was 9 and I was actually able to understand. Her age right now is fine. I think that you should let her know that you are still going to look at her as your daughter, and not a sister. Before letting her know you should tell her what happened to her mother and father. Tell her good stories about them. You also may want to seek a professional before doing all this. This is a lot to think about and a lot to handle. You should do it over summer break also. She then has time to actually think about the situation and it won't be on her mind while trying to also maintain her school work. Once you have done this contact her school counselor so that they are able to look after her and see if there are any behavior changes.
Oh! and ask the school counselor now and see what they think. They will really be a good source, and good people to help you tell her.
- schweetumsLv 51 decade ago
This is a really hard question. I think either do it right now before she goes through puberty or wait until she is an adult. You could casually bring up the subjection of adoption and see what her feelings are. You are a great sister to have taken on this responsibility. A few other thoughts--was your mom a good person and were you close to her? Will you be able to share photos and speak positively about her to your sister? That would help ease the shock that she might feel. If you two have a good relationship and you think the timing is right, tell her...otherwise, wait until she is older.
- lilyLv 61 decade ago
You need to start talking about what a mother is. A biological mother vs a mother as in a nurturer and someone who guides you. I am sure she has a friend of two that has a "mother" that is not the "biological mother". She really needs to understand the difference before you spring your family history on her. You absolutely have to tell her, because she will find out one day (when she looks at her birth certificate)
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- Dr. KatLv 51 decade ago
Sit her down in front of another person she trusts. Say like an Uncle or grandparent or something and just tell her the truth. Let her know you've raised her like she's your own and in all honesty, she'll probably look at you like a father for the rest of her life but she deserves to know where she came from. She's definatly old enough.
- strasselLv 44 years ago
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- skizzle-d-wizzleLv 41 decade ago
Whoa why has this gone on this long?? Even at 1 she should have known you as Sissy and not Mom--What do you think?? Is she not around other people in your family? If you allowed her to forget your Mother and accept you as that role then its going to have to be told to her soon BY you and not someone else or she might not trust in you afterward--
God Bless you
- 1 decade ago
I would have told her a long time ago or have let her know that you're her sister instead of letting her think that all this time. Wow it would now depend on how well you think she'll take it. Depends on that on not her age to me. Let her know soon though.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Immediately. The sooner the better. You absolutely have to tell the truth in this instance.
- delmaanna67Lv 51 decade ago
Tell her as soon as you are comfortable with telling her. The sooner the better, as long as you make it clear that this revelation in no way affects your relationship as far as you are concerned.