Is he using me? He's "in love" with me....but never wants to make love!?

He's 51 and I'm 40. We talked online over a year, before moving in together 3 months ago.

His guy parts work just fine. lol But, in those three months.....the honeymoon phase of our relationship....he's been pretty frigid. I keep asking if it's me. He's says no. That he is attracted to me...loves me....etc.

I think he may be using me for a place to live, etc. What do you think?


Every other aspect of the relationship is good, and we get along fine. It's just that when I have explained how I feel hurt and expressed a desire to work through this problem......he let's it go into one ear and straight out of the other. :(

8 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    There can be a lot of reasons for his lack of libido. One surefire way for you to decrease his libido would be to push him for sex, and another would be to insult him about it, so please stay away from those things.

    Don't assume he is not attracted to you, either. While his low libido may make you feel that way, you need to believe him when he tells you that isn't it.

    Is he taking any prescription (or other) medicines that may result in the decrease?

    If you've been together this long, it wouldn't be unreasonable for you to approach him about couples counseling.

    I wish you both the best!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Kind of hard to guess with the information you've provided. I'd say that if he doesn't have anything going for him, and you are helping him get through some slow period in his life, then he is probably using you during that rough time.

    You are also using him as a mate and are willing to do this so long as he gives you what you want. Obviously, your sex life is lacking and that does not appear to be what you want. Therefore, he is using you more than you are using him.

    Give him a week and if no action, time to move on before it costs you big time!

    Good luck.

    On your additional details:

    How can a relationship be good when one of two people are not where they want to be in life. Sounds like there is an imbalance and that can't be good. Either for you, or for him. If he ignores your needs and wants, especially the basic ones, then you need to explain this to him. TALK TO HIM! SERIOUSLY AND MAKE YOUR DEMANDS.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Quite possibly is using you for a place to live. Or, he may just have respect for you not to sleep with you just yet. Give it a few months and see how the relationship works out.

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  • Sarah
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    well girl, there's a 50/50% chance.

    50% that he's manipulating you and

    50% that he's not. Tell him:"Look,we

    need to talk." Then tell him how you're

    feeling,and ask him to see a romantic

    movie w/ u somewhere and see if he

    kisses you then. Hope this works 4 u.

    -Ms.Sarah Lynn Nickels

    Source(s): My ex-husband was like that w/ me sometimes, turns out,he was just having a bad day.
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  • 1 decade ago

    I'm 44 and i think you're right. I think 51 is too old to be insecure or just not ready to commit.

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  • lara
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    If nothing is wrong with the guy parts then something is wrong with other parts of him, stop pushing him for a while and see whats going on.

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  • 1 decade ago

    hmm, is there romance between you guys at all? or just no sex? maybe he is using you but without knowing more can't say.. reading what you wrote i would say no, but then at the end you seem to think that he might be, so there must be something else to give you that feeling.. if he says it's not you, then does he give an explanation at all?

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  • sunbun
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    dump him move on---at 51 he should have had his own place to live

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