My fiance wants me to sign a prenup.I feel hurt and insulted.I love him,but I'm questioning our relationship.
We have been together for 5 years, and talk about our future all the time. It seems that $ is the our biggest issue. He's so smart with investing money, but since we've joined our accounts, he's kind of controlling about my spending. Money doesn't rule my life, and I know that it's a big priority for him, so I don't know if that will cause problems for the future. And now, since he's insisting on a prenup, I feel as though he doesn't trust me. I've been nothing but trusting with my money in his hands, so I can't help but feel insulted. We love each other so much, he's my best friend, can we work through this?
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
yeah i know how you feel...this trusting thing really gets in the way, but...
hey, look at the bright side of it both of your resources are protected...i'm not saying you'll end up in splitsville but i think it's only practical...it wouldn't be a problem with me, it will only clearly show that i am not after his money...whatever his motives are, i'll make sure that both of us will be playing fair...but then he shouldn't control me that much as well...
better yet, i suggest that you take what is yours and agree with the prenuptial...it's kind of weird to be having this when you both know you love and trust each other...but in this changing world, we sometimes have to compromise and be flexible...
this doesn't mean he doesn't love you or trust you...he's just being practical...don't let this issue get in the way between the two of you...talk and decide what is the best...Goodluck!Source(s): ....
- CharmaineLv 44 years ago
wow that is complicated, I am sorry but 1- He could be an asshole, 2- He just decided you're not the right girl for him and he doesnt know the best way to break up so he's just being an asshole, 3- Maybe there has been some misunderstanding between you guys, maybe he thinks you like some other guy or you might have made a remark about some person that you dont remember but he does. Just think about it, you can return him the ring coz rings doesnt mean anything, if he loves you he'll apologize and return it to you. I'm sure there are so many guys out there that would love you, Good Luck & Have fun :)
- 1 decade ago
yes you can work through this. Your looking at it as its something to hurt you with. try looking at it if the shoe was on the other foot. You made all this money you worked hard for it and a nice man comees into your life you click and decide to get married. and as well all know todays statistics are bad more than half end in divorce. so now a few years go by and you divorce and your hubby gets half of your estate or what ever you worked for do you think this is fair? im not saying you will divorce but you have to be ready for the unthinkable too. you can't be niave.
So he's just protecting himself if anything should go wrong between you two you can't blame or fault him. doesn' mean he doesn't love you.
Imagine if brittney spears never had a pre nup with her ex kevin federline he would have taken her to the cleaners.
Of course im not saying you are like him. but still Its better to be prepared people go in a marraige with tthe right intensions but things can fall apart.
So please dont' think its you. its not that he's just protecting him self. And you say you love him so you don't need to worry about that if your not planning to go seperate ways and if you do you wouldn't want to take all his money any ways would you? so there s houldn't be a problem here. unless your intentions are bad. this should be a no brainer to you. Your not after his money so what he decides to do with it with a prenup is his choice.
- 1 decade ago
A) PRENUPS are to keep both parties happy and safe in case of a split. Esp the party with more to lose. Which is probably him.
B) Why did you join your accounts already?
C) I would just keep your money separate from his. There might be a time when you have more and he'll take it from you.
D) It's not mistrusting. It's expecting the worst.
E) you really have no right to feel insulted because you blindly trust him and he doesn't do that to you.
F) You should feel insulted that he is managing YOUR MONEY.
G) Take a time out and discuss what would be in this prenup and ask the question again later.
oh yeah. if you want to dump him; i'm free
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- RedLv 51 decade ago
Sounds like he was smart enough to to keep a separate account from you and he can see it growing in the future.
This may have been in the form of a direct contribution to his 401 K rather than an actual separate bank account or stocks . His 401K would normally be split if there was a divorce unless there was a prenup or in over payments to the IRS to be paid later in returns.
If he is acting like he can't trust you than it could be guilt.
You need to see where YOUR money has been going and make sure he can account for it. Then see where ALL of his money has been going and that he has been contributing HIS fair share to joint living expenses.
Make sure you haven't been taken for a ride these last five years........
- 1 decade ago
A prenup can open the lines of communication about important issues that you might not discuss otherwise. Many couples who request prenups are older, often well-off, with children from previous marriages whom they want to protect. These are some of the most significant reasons for a prenup. But it's true, you don't want to enter into marriage negotiating a divorce. Unless you have a really good reason, there's no need for a prenup. You two need to sit down and really talk about this. Its not something you take lightly.
- flutterbyLv 41 decade ago
You can try but if he is this way before you get married just think what it will be like after. If he wants a prenup then I would take what money is yours out of the joint account. Man that is so not right.
- 1 decade ago
OK, you feel hurt, like you are not being trusted. You are worthy enough to share his life, but not wealth. Sounds like alot of issues. Pre-nups are used to cover at least one person's ***. If you can get past the insinuation a prenup makes, use the same document to cover your *** as well by signing (and dating) it as close to the wedding day as possible. The closer you sign a prenup to your wedding day, the easier it is for you to claim duress should you ever wish to contest it later in a divorce. Normally I would recommend that you both forget marriage if you can't believe in one another, but on the other hand, this way you both go in with aces up your sleeves. Good luck.
- ChrisLv 51 decade ago
If your money is part of his investments then you shouldn't sign a prenup. If he insists, tell him you need to divest from his investments and see a financial planner to handle your money. Then you are free to sign the prenup since it will actually be just about his money.
After you are married, you are entittled to part of what he earns. Make sure the prenup says so.
Sounds like the way he wants it to be is: what's his is his and what's your's is his too. Are you sure you want to marry this guy?
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I can't beleive you've joined account BEFORE you were married, don't you know he has ACCESS to anything you put into that account? NO WAY would I do that, he can do whatever he wants with that money, if he wanted to take it ALL out and put it into an account with just HIMSELF you wouldn't have jackshit! He is manipulative and controlling and things will only get worse from here on in. He will control every aspect of your life, where you go, who you see, he will start picking your friends and limiting time spent with your family, he will pick out your clothes and demand that you stick to a regular shopping budget and if you go over expect some abuse. I suggest you think long an very hard about marrying this guy and GET YOUR MONEY OUT OF THAT JOINT ACCOUNT, if you want any money for yourself that is.
- 1 decade ago
The prenup only regulates the money you brind into the marriage not what you come to together. Hire your own attorney that will make sure you don't get hurt IF something happens. Than get married with the smile on your face knowing that you future husband is saving up for your retirement!!! You got yourself a good and smart one!!!