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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

Help with this...?

I have major problems with jealousy... when I see my bf looking at girls I get soooo pissed!!! Or when he talks to them or anything... I know how guys minds work adn how perverted they are... I have a major hard time with this... I try not to let him know that I am mad b/c I love hima dn dont want to drive him away... but I worry that he sees ppl that he finds more attractive than me and I am sure he does ( as u can tell I also have a major self esteem problem... I dont feel good enough for him) he has never gave me any reason not to trust him but I feel like If he really loves me then why does he have to cheack other girls out constantly... he says he doesnt look at them like that but then again I think about how he could get better so why wouldnt he be looking at them like that... and he doesnt do it alot but I notice little things... this jealousy thing is taking too much control with me and I am getting upset and all this other crap adn I dont know what to do to fix it...

Update:

I have been diagnosed with GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) so I worry alot and blow things out of proportion... I also have a very hard childhood which I blame for my trust problems and how pervy and piggish I know men can be.

13 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You are quite right about one thing, & that is you have low self-esteem. That could be at the heart of your jealousy as well. We guys will look at other women, because we ARE INTERESTED you know. You girls wouldn't like it very much if we lost interest in women, now would you, so you had better get used to it.

    I do take offence that you consider all guys to be perverted. Again being interested in women is a trait that comes natural to men, a perversion is something that goes against nature.

    Your problem isn't with men & their natural tendancy to be interested in women, it is with you. You have control over this, because you have said as much in your details. (ie: You get mad, but you don't let him know) You also said that you are afraid that he sees people who are more attractive than you. Well if that were a problem then he would have dumped you for one of them wouldn't he?

    I can tell you one thing for sure, there is nothing uglier than jealousy. If you believe in your heart that he will one day dump you for another, then you will make that happen through your own actions.

    If you don't want this to become a predetermined destiny, then you will need to make a change within yourself. You have gone a long way towards making a positive change through your own self awareness. Instead of letting your jealousy control you, you can learn to control it. Your confusion at this time may be caused by your making a transition from being a jealous person, to becoming a self confident individual. Keep working at it, be patient, & you will get there.

  • 1 decade ago

    I know what u r going through because this happened to me too...If u have 100% trust then u have nothing to worry about....I think its just a man thing to have to be looking at other woman and checking them out. Its a very hard thing to get over this. Just try to keep saying to yourself that hes not checking them out...Im sure he loves you and if u two r meant to be together u will.GL

  • 1 decade ago

    man you need to cut this guy some slack, if you keep the reins too tight he's going to leave you sooner than latter, remember boys will be boys, so let them act it out, if you are a good person then he will always come back to you and if he is a good person you will always go back to him, just because you guys are dating doesn't mean you have to clam up and be soley in your little world, that get boring real fast

    p.s. every human being is different so there is no way you know how a guys mind works, in reality not even his own friends know how his mind works, so get that straight it might help with a little of your insecurities, the rest is up to you and some good physiological advise from others

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    lol, you sound like me! Its so hard, i understand! Its just that you finally found the right man, and its like..how can someone so perfect be with me?? And how can i keep him! Well, you said you trust him...now saying it is one thing and really believing it is another. You need to foucs on yourself...look at the things you like about yourself, and remember the compliments that you have gotten before, and keep telling yourself that you are pretty, even at frist you might not believe it, remember this "perfect" guy picked you...not the other girls....YOU! If he thought those other girls were prettier than you, than why wouldnt he be with them instead...because he sees you as the best looking girl with the best personality to go with it! If you only got one of those things you dont have much. If your man was hot but you didnt like his personality than he wouldnt be looking as hot if he had a good personailty. So you got both which makes you hotter than those other girls. Your right for him! When it seems like hes looking at other girls believe the reason why hes looking at them is because hes looking at the flaws they have and how perfect you are than them. Thinking to himself how lucky he has you.

    Being jealous will probably still be with you throughout this relationship but its how much control you give it. Give it as much control as you are doing now, it will ruin the relationship. You need to realize that its not you that is lucky to have him, its how lucky yous both are to have one another.

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  • Foxxy
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    You said it yourself... He doesn't give you any reason to think that he's cheating on you or nothing.. But guys are always looking at girls.. It's just in there nature. Girls check out other dudes even if they're walking hand in hand. You need to get a grip... If you don't want to lose him then I suggest that you chill out with all that jealousy.. It's not gonna get you anywhere...

  • 1 decade ago

    i completely knw how you feel , i have ben there too. if your bf is datin you its because he thinks your buetiful and he doesnt want any other girl if hes taking his time to be with you. sometimes guys have to at least igknowledge that a girls pretty. so if you see if lookin at a girl in way like hes likes he then he simply finds her attractive , its no different if you asee guy walk past you and you think hes hot. i wouldnt worry about it. the guy your with loves you and hes not lookin for any other girl hope i helped

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    LOL typical jealous girl welcome to the club i myself was once like that almost exactly like! untiil my boyfriend got fed up and left me for a week straight! in that time i realized how stupid and selfish i was being! i also asked myself if he wanted those other girls then im sure he woulda been with them! instead he was with me! plus i cant put to much blame on him i myself from time to time would look at guys but knew i wasnt thinking that i wanted to be with them..its natural to look at a person of the oppisite sex and not mean or think anything bad about it! so my advice is relax if you get to caught up being jealous you will find yourself alone and miserable! instead trust him and be happy that he is yours!

  • 1 decade ago

    He check sou tother girls out becuase he is a guy.

    Sadly, I do not think there is any way to get past your jealousy issue until you solve your low self esteem issues first.

  • All men look that is the male nature..... If he is being faithful to you and not acting on what he is looking at let the man window shop... It's not like you haven't look at another man before, Just ignore it before it cost you your relationship.

  • 1 decade ago

    you need to stop being so self-conscious and if you aren't good enough for him than why out of all the other "hot" girls..why did he pick you?? I'm just saying if he didn't think you were hot...he wouldn't be with you...

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