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18+ question...?

I am bisexual. I am more attracted to females than males. I am however married to a man & we have 2 children together.

My "lesbianism" is getting stronger. I won't have sex with my husband unless I feel really pressured. I feel gross, dirty, and used. I know he loves me a lot, and I love him more than I could ever say, but I just can't make love to him.

I had a realtionship a long time ago & I discovered something about myself. I like to be hurt physically while I have sex with men. With women, it's great like it should be, but with men, I need physical pain to become aroused. I had a partner that would smack me & tie me up & whip me. For the first time in my life I achieved orgasm. I was 24. It's like I need INTENSE passion to even become aroused.

What I am asking is....has anyone else ever gone thru this? I want to make my relationship w/my husband work. I love him. I just don't know how to have sex w/him without feeling dirty.

5 Answers

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  • Sufi
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    have you ever considered studying or practicing tantra with your hubby? this is a more spiritual plane involved with sex and you could engage the love, i think. take a tantra workshop with him or by yourself.

  • 1 decade ago

    This is complex, so I'm not going to do adequately by answering - apologies ahead of time.

    You have several issues. You sound very much like you are someone who should explore BDSM. Preferably with your husband. I'm vanilla myself, so I really can't help guide you in that direction.

    As far as your lesbian/bi side, do you have an open relationship with your husband? If not, do you think he'd be open to that? Personally, I'd advise a polyamorous setup. It has more structure than just a simple open relationship. The enforced honesty and openess helps cut down on hurt feelings and jealousy.

    I wish you all the best.

  • 1 decade ago

    You must tell your husband all these things and tell him that You NEED some roughing up and specify exactly what he must do to you and HOW you want it.

    gradually he might get into it more and enjoy how he can please and satisfy you this way. He will feel pride as a man in how he makes you happy. but you got to explain all this to him and let him know what's missing in the sex when he does you.

    Don't give up on your guy. - he will surprise you I think.

    As a compromise - I SUGGEST THIS: make a deal with him that sometimes he can be plain vanilla with you and other times he can smack you and do stuff to you . Life is about COMPROMISE. and he can do this by surprise, so you never know what's coming on the menu.

    Lots of women need the rough sex - and hard pounding with roughness to feel fulfilled. don't be ashamed. sometimes the sweet, tender sex just won't do it and get a girl off.

    I recommend some unexpected rape scenes. Just when you least expect it. this will please any man and most women.

    Hope I've helped. Please listen to my advice. i've been around the block - as we say here in NY

  • annie
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    i have nevet gone thru this, but i have friends who are gay and i know its not something you can just change. have you tried talking to your husband about it? maybe get counseling? what about inviting a female into the situation every once n a while...he might like that and you would too.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I agree with the first answer, (you state your bi-sexual and you want the relationship to work.... seek out adventure and many things you and your partner can do together)

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