15 monthe ago I threw my 25 year old son out of my house!!!!!?

I am a recovering alcoholic and an enabler. I got my son out of jail by talking to the judge and let him share my 2 bdrm. apt. with me.some days were wonderful, his gf lived in another city with my grandson and i just adored this boy. My son was using, and I was afraid most of the time and the verbal abuse was too much to bear.I would go to meetings and wonder how many times I would hear myself talk about this problem. One night I came home and told him to leave, his gf was real angry, and I told her to take him in or his father who was sober for 20 years could. anyway nobody wanted the pain and agony of dealing with him and they told me I was a rotten mother to just throw my son out. The end result was that he left, and I haven't seen my grandson or son since, we live in the same city. I thought the other grandparents would at least call me, to see what was going on, but no one callled. my heart is broken. I have stayed sober, but my life is not the same. Grandparents have no rights!

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  • Jaded
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'm sorry for your situation, I truly am ... but my response to your post isn't something you're going to like.

    No, grandparents don't have rights. And they shouldn't. You've had your time and your children, and now the rights to the next generation belong to THEIR parents.

    Unfortunately, this is often the case, where the parents don't offer their children the right to know their grandparents. I won't speculate about your own situation, since there are three sides to every story, and your son may feel he has a perfectly legitimate reason to keep his child from spending time with you... as I said, I don't know the whole story.

    The simple fact is, grandparents cannot have rights that trump the decisions of the parents. If it were to be allowed in the cases where the grandparent is no danger to the child, then it would have to be allowed in all cases ... and there are some very legitimate reasons why some parents refuse to allow grandparents access.

    For instance, my children have no contact with their grandmother on their fathers side. Neither he or I will allow it, since the woman is a detriment to their well being. She is an alcoholic, a casual drug user, all mixed in with verbally abusive ... her influence would only be hazardous to them.

    Again, you do have my sympathies, but not my wish that you had rights over this child.

    Try talking to your son and see if you can't reach an agreement that suits both of you .. perhaps spending time with your grandson over lunch at McDonalds, or at a public park. If it makes him feel more secure and allows you to see your grandson, it's a win win situation.

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  • 1 decade ago

    you said that you were hoping that the other grandparents would have called you. well why are you not picking up the phone your self and calling? you did the right thing by giving him the boot. not only for the fact of his verbal abuse and using. but he is 25 years old for gods sake.you did the right thing, he needs to stand on his own two feet. but i think you need to pick up the phone and call or get in your car and drive over there. all these people that say that your a bad parent, maybe they should let him live with them and see what it is like, then see if they can still say that your a bad parent. don't let what others say, make you fall off the wagon.you stay sober!! that's what is important not what others say.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Good for you. Don't feel bad at all. You did the right thing and don't listen to people who would be critical of your decision.

    Your sobriety is more important at this point. What ever you do, don't loose that.

    I find that also your being able to discuss this at meetings is good for you. Why hide it?

    There are more parents today that need to take the action that you did and I applaud you for doing so.

    I had a son in law that lived off me for 10 years. Finally kicked him out.

    was the best thing I ever did. Yes, of course the grand children were used as a weapon. However it took time and they finally came around. I had people tell me I was a rotten father for kicking my own out. Too bad what they think. those that criticize

    have not gone through this. but when they do , we will her them moan for years.

    Hang in there things will change and stay sober.. good luck

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    If he tries to press charges--which he has every right to do-- I'd just stay quiet and let legal charges process. It was wrong to hit a teenage minor and you could get into some serious trouble for it. I don't know why you got so angry with all the kids that were there. They had nothing to do with your son going behind your back and throwing a party. They just heard there was a party and showed up. They never had any intention on getting into a physical fight with their friend's father. They are all innocent bystanders that got caught up in the crossfire. Your son should have been the one punished, though not physically.

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  • Kerry
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Congratulations on your sobriety. Now you've got a huge test, and you're going to have to fight even harder, you can do it. Stay strong, stay sober. I'm sure in time they will come to their senses and get over their hurt feelings. Once your son has some real time to think, and miss his Momma, he'll call. Don't worry. I have a loser brother, and a loser sister, they can never stay away from our mom for very long. Sometime it takes them time to get over their bruised egos. You didn't do anything wrong, you have to take care of yourself first, you did the right thing. I lost my father to alcohol, nothing is worth that. Know in your heart you did nothing wrong, and take care of #1. Whatever those other people had to say about you throwing your son out, They can go to hell, they don't know what it's like, they have no right to judge you!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I'm sorry that you are not getting to see your grandson, but you did the right thing throwing out your grown son. If he is 25, it's time for him to take responsibility. He may not like it now, but having to deal with his own issues on his own is best for him and his family in the long run. I hope you and your son make up soon! Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    first off, Congratulations on being Sober!! You did the right thing. At 25 and a father he needs to grow up and take responsiblity for his actions and life. As far as the Grandmother, you do have rights and could go to a family court attorney to be allowed visitation of your grandson. Good luck and don't let this cause you to "slip"

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  • 1 decade ago

    well. i feel very sorry for what happened in your life. but id like to point out that relationship are meant to be made and not to be broken.

    a mother should know her kids well and i think for some reason u didnt try to take him in the right path. u should have taken the matter delicately instead of being so harsh. and i believe parents have the rights on their kids than their grand parents.

    and im sure u wouldnt have liked if ur parents treated u the same way u did to ur son in front of his gf and kid.

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  • lex
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    sometimes helping someone does you no good at all.you have your own problems and need to focus on you,,he is after all 25 and old enough to care for himself,,,you have tried obviously to get him help and it would seem everyone has let you do the work to then throw it back in your face when you have decided,,'enough is enough'. let it be known you are there if he needs real help but you will not be a prop to his troubles.could you possibly call the other grandparents and ask how they are,,telling them you had no real choice as you didnt think you were in a position to help him anymore,,it does seem rather ungrateful.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You did the right thing!! I am a alcoholic and it is not easy staying

    sober, especially when there is a user living in the same house.

    The very best to you on this one. Offten times difficult choices

    seem wrong at the time. Be strong, Be brave, you will be fine.

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