I Need help with my 14 year old daughter.?

My 14 year old is having sex, and I don't know what to do because when I found out today Saturday, i was told by her bestfriends mother. How can I get my daughter to confide in me? I let her know she can talk to me about anything and I won't get mad and that I'm just trying to help her she's falling in my same mistakes that i did when I was 14. I mean her 10 year old sister talks to me about everything even sex but she's not doning it. So plz help me I'm only 29 years old I'm still young and don't need to be stressed I had my kids young well only her i was 15 when I had her.

So what can I do? Just plz help because I ran out of ideas and don't need to be judge.

18 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Okay so i am 29 and i remember when i was her age. Only thing is i waited a lot longer. Okay have a day set aside shopping going out to eat. Take a nice walk and talk to her. Set up an appointment with obgyn and get this lil girl on some birth control. Just tell her its okay things are different now. Tell her what she has is precious like a diamond and not any guy deserves it. Let her know about always protecting herself and being careful for stds. Do not be embarrased this is your girl and you need to talk to her like tomorrow!!!!! Talk to her about when you had sex when you were young then she will confide in you. Good luck and god bless.

  • 1 decade ago

    You just need to tell her that you know she is having sex! YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HER RIGHT NOW! She needs to know that you know and that you care and she needs sex education RIGHT NOW! You need to talk to her about std's, hiv/AIDS, pregnancy, EVERYTHING! 14 year old girls have no business having sex, but if she is going to do it, then at least equip her with more than enough knowledge to protect herself, not only from pregnancy, but from horrible diseases that she could never get rid of, or worse DEATH! You probably don't want to put her on birth control due to her age. Whether you feel like it is giving her permission or not, she is doing it and at least get her protected from becoming a mother while she is still such a baby! You should be able to communicate with her rather well since you have been in her shoes. You have a wonderful opportunity to tell her how you dealt and how much easier it would have been for you if you would have waited or used protection. TALK TO HER TODAY! DO NOT WAIT! She is out there doing things and trying things that YOU AND ONLY YOU can warn her about!

  • 1 decade ago

    first off stop comparing your mistakes to her behavior.kids don't want to hear that. I'm a parent of a teen girl, and she did not come to me with things at first either. so, i went to her. that's our job as a parent. take your daughter just the two of you out for a girls day. don't put any pressure on her to talk to you, allow her to do the talking. if by the end of your day out she has not talked to you about it, so be it. make plans with her to do this again next week. this may take some time but she will open up to you, when she feels that your not going to lecture her. that you are really going to listen. give this a try for a few weeks. if she still has not opened up to you. then i say tell her that now that she is getting older and more interested in boys that you would like for her to make an appointment to be placed on birth control. i know what alot of people are thinking, by doing this you are giving your child permission to have sex. well think about this. if you know that they are already. did they ask for you permission? i don't agree with young kids having sex by any means, but i don't agree with babies having babies either.

  • 1 decade ago

    Honestly? I think that it is very disturbing. I would probably be upset with her, maybe she needs a kick in the ***. Nobody in my family WOULD HAVE DARED to act in such a way. I respectfully wonder a) who she is hanging out with b) WHEN she could be having sex...I mean, do you work full-time and is she kind of unchaperoned? Do you let her online chat for unlimited time? Does she dress all Britney Spearsy and do you not have a problem with the current trends? I would seriously knock some sense into her. SHE WILL GET DISEASED. I worked in what Oprah considered the "#1 place to raise a child" - there was money (not gratuitous), all sorts of resume-building teams and groups, and everything was college prep everything and families were white and smiling, and I heard from nurses straight up that in junior highs, STDs were rampant. You are not doing your kid a favor by not scaring the **** out of her in terms of herpes, etc. I know people with Herpes, it is not fun and it is for life. Also, in the high schools in that town, the kids would bump and grind and all but **** at the school dances, right in front of the principal, so who the hell knows, honestly. It's a sick and disgusting world, and the fact that kids are ingesting tons of sex hormones every time they eat any meat or dairy foods, hormones designed for 500 to 1000 pound animals, DOESN'T HELP. It's great to have open communication with them, definitely act on it since you know, but like do you try to be your kids friend? buddy? When parents do that, in my opinion it is sad (I'm not saying you are doing it). Kids need parents. Why on earth would she be alone with boys at that age? I'm 32 and my 15 yr old very pretty step-sister is governed like a hawk because boys call all the time. She needs to have great grades and then she can see him in a home that parents are nearby in, but alone, and on like 1 weekend day a week. Parenting like that is like unheard of these days, which is why teen STDs and teen pregnancies are all the rage. Sorry, but how did this happen to begin with?

    I AGREE. It is a red flag that you don't want to be the judge. My mom CAME TO A JR HIGH DANCE to drag me out of there when I defied her. No, it was freshman year. But yes, getting on her *** WORKS. And kids DO love boundaries. And respond to them. Once she has Herpes, her whole childbearing possibilities dwindle, etc. She doesn't need a supportive friend!

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  • 5 years ago

    You're over reacting. A lot. She's 14 and has been with him for eight months. If she is a well child rather than the oral intercourse aspect then I advise you deliver her again all her stuff and allow her pass to the dance. Just established a few regulations approximately her boyfriend, possibly inform her that he is handiest allowed over while you are house and that if their in her room the door have got to be open. If you do not enable her to do stuff like this she is going to become resenting you. You do not wish to lose her, so that you have to believe her with him. She sounds shrewd, I doubt she'll do anything dull. PS: Oral intercourse at 14 is highly traditional, at that age hormones are loopy. I'd be pleased with her for lasting eight months with no need intercourse with him.

  • 1 decade ago

    Talk to her, that's all you can do. Let her know that you can discuss this without yelling, and getting angry. Let her know that it's safe to tell you. This best thing a parent in this situation can do is stay calm. Even if you have to scream into your pillow before you go to bad, remain calm with her. Don't scare her out of coming back to you the next time something important happens. And PLEASE take her to get birth control. She has just proven to you that she is going to have sex no matter what, so if she is not on it, get it.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sweetie listen What goes around comes around What we Put our Parents through is coming home to bite you in the Butt...So here is what I would do Go talk to your Mother..And ask Her If she had it to do over again what would she would of done different...You were their ...What ever you felt She is felling what ever She is doing you should no what it is because you have been their...What ever you wished you had done different that is what you say to your Daughter..Ask your Self why you didn't con fide in your Mother..And you will Have your own answers to your own question...And Shes thinking Mom did it so why cant I....You were their in these same shoes to here you tell it you should no every thing She is Feeling Just go back and tell Her what you wished you would of done different and why...God bless you sweetie...All will work out if You find out what it is you had to learn from this so your Daughter don't have too...go through it to learn it...The same way....We are to learn from our Parents mistakes ...Not repeat them....

  • 1 decade ago

    Of course you're the judge! You're her MOTHER and are responsible for her well-being. If she is having sex, she has too much time on her hands. She needs more activities. She needs to be doing volunteer work somewhere and performing chores at home. If that doesn't work, ground her. No phone, no boyfriend and you drive her to school and walk her to class. Embarrassment WORKS! After the first time my mom walked me to my first class in her bathrobe and curlers, I towed the line, let me tell you! In spite of what they tell you, kids WANT boundaries. They want to know that you love them enough to care what they do. If nothing else, get that kid on birth control!! I would suggest the one that is implanted under the skin, so she can't take it out. It lasts three years. Long enough to see her through high school. Also, if you don't attend a church, please consider it as an option. Kids who attend church activities under the supervision of an adult are much less likely to drink, use drugs and get pregnant outside of marriage. Best wishes.

    Source(s): Experience
  • 1 decade ago

    I would let her know that it hurt you to have found this info out from someone else [without letting her know who] and let her know you are not angry but concerned for her safety and her future. Ask her what she see's for her future, does she want a career, a husband, or what. Sometimes looking into the future can shed light on the present and if she can't see a future for herself that is positive you may need to get her help as girls with low self esteem tend to not look into the future so their behavior today is of no consequence to them. Trust me I know it is hard to keep your cool but your relationship with her needs you to. I always told my students I don't care who you talk to just find someone who knows more than you, any adult who can help you, because they may not feel comfortable talking with their parents but they need advice.

    Source(s): I was a school nurse.
  • 1 decade ago

    Maybe you should casually bring the subject up one day and talk about your experience growing up. Then ask her if she has a boyfriend and if she ever thought about having sex. If that doesn't get her talking right away then at least it will open the door a little.

    But just make sure you make her feel comfortable talking to you. And please don't yell at her or show that you're upset with her because she may never want to talk to you about again.

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